Thursday, April 26, 2007

Only 87% Tool

b+

See link, link.

Dear Andrew,

Note: Your representative at Glocap has been unreachable, so we decided to contact you directly.

Thank you very much for your recent application to the Texas-Pacific Group. Your resume and glowing recommendation from your MD were both somewhat impressive. We applaud your efforts to transition from Banking into Private Equity, it is definitely the right move right now. We were considering extending you an offer, actually, but upon review of the quiz you inadvertently submitted to for the New York Post, we regret to inform you that we will be unable to offer you a position at our firm.

Please note that you did score an 87%, which is nothing to be ashamed of. It turns out to a B+ with our generous scaling, and you know what they say—at least you won’t be lonely at the fat part of the bell curve. We only take A’s though. Have you considered a position at Hellman & Friedman?

Please see my edits and scoring below in red below (we know how you like red!!). We start the score at 100 and then subtract and add points as appropriate. Essentially, if had you had said nothing, you would have scored 100%.

TOOLS OF THE TRADE
By LINDSAY EDELSTEIN
THE INVESTMENT BANKER

Andrew, 24
Salary estimate: $190,000, including projected bonus (-2 for not lying)
Job: We help companies raise capital and grow their business. (+5 for lying and making Banking sound semi-cool!)

CLOTHES
Suit: Hickey Freeman suit, $2,749 (+1 for overpaying). “I have about 10 suits and usually buy them at Hickey Freeman and Paul Stuart (+1). I have two really heavy pin-stripe suits that I’d classify as ‘power suits.’ Bankers never wear double-breasted suits, it’s a fashion faux pas (+1 for French). I get all of my suits tailored in Rochester, N.Y (-2 for going somewhere north of 86th street that’s not The Hamptons). There is a Romanian couple that have been doing my father’s suits for years. They are trusted in the family, and 10 times better than any of the tailors I’ve used in the city.” (We know that family: Ionescu. All the legit tailors in that lineage are still in Romania. -5 for not flying them over personally.)

White shirt: “There’s a saying in the banking world that you can never have too many blue suits or white shirts (-2, they also said this at IBM circa 1965). I get mine from Hickey Freeman [$149-$249] as my standby, but I also shop at Charles Tyrwhitt [$99-$200] (+0, Fine brand, but we have a feeling you shop at their Madison Avenue store, which is across the street from Men’s Warehouse), Thomas Pink [$149-$249] (+1) and Turnbull and Asser [over $250] (+1). I get my white shirts heavy-starched (+1).”

Collar: “I always buy cutaway collars (+1) and French cuffs (+1) from the British stores (Tyrwhitt, Pink, Turnbull & Asser), and Barrel (button) cuffs from Hickey Freeman.”

Watch: Breitling Navitimer, $5,299 (+3). “Bankers have a complex with having a watch. Far and beyond the most popular watch is a Rolex Submariner (+1)- black or white face, half bezel is blue. The Navitimer comes in a few different sizes and shapes.” Nice work on this section!

Shoes: Ferragamo loafers, $395 at Saks Fifth Avenue. “The standard banker shoe is a fashion loafer or a tie cap toe.” (-5 for not shopping at Bergdorf.)

Tie: Hickey Freeman (again with the Hickey?) tie, $125. “The two tie brands that embody the investment banker are Hermes (+1) and Salvatore Ferragamo (+1). I don’t wear a lot of Ferragamo because they tie small knots and are usually pastel – I like thicker knots (+1) and cutaway collars (+0, whoops, already got this one). Every now and then I’ll pick up some pastels from Brooks Brothers (-8, [shudder]). I’ve bought one or two Ferragamo ties from the outlet (-4 because we don’t understand what that last word means). But I buy most of my ties from Hickey Freeman (-5 for acting like you’re sponsored by them). They retail anywhere from $98-$130.”

Brands missed
(-1 for each, -1 for lack of inventiveness making us think about off-the-rack clothes):
Armani, Gucci, Eton, Hilditch & Key, Brioni, Kiton, Canali, Versace

TOOLS
PDA: A BlackBerry 8700c (-2, one for every year old this phone is. Get an 8800 or at least a Pearl, kid!), it’s gray with black trim. “I bought mine at the Cingular store in Midtown. (we are going to be nice and neglect this comment) At first, people are apprehensive and they think it’s a virtual leash. Now I can’t imagine life without it. (+5 for never being out of pocket!)

Red pen: “I keep a pen behind my ear at all times. I never used red pens before, now I always do – it stands out.” (We’re not really big on the whole ‘analog’ thing. How could you forget MS Excel as a tool? -8.)

GROOMING
Shoe-shining: “I like to shine my own shoes. You can get a shine kit at any shoe retailer with brush, polish and cloth. But in an emergency, there are shoe-shiners walking around on our floor offering to shine our shoes [$5].” (-3 for not actively supporting Taylorism and division of labor).

TASTES
Cigars: “My favorite cigar is a CAO Brazilia (+2, no MX2, though?), with Partagas Black Label (+1) coming in close behind. I buy most of my cigars at JR Cigar on 46th and Fifth. Sometimes I will buy from Barclay Rex on Lexington Avenue, and sometimes I order them by the box on Thompson Cigar online. I’ve been smoking cigars for four years now, it’s even on my résumé (+3, good form). Liking cigars is a good talking point (talk to the -2).” (Fyi, at TPG we only smoke individually muled cigars from Cuba, rolled by no one over the age of 7.)

Red Bull: “Every two weeks I buy a 12-pack of sugar-free (-3) Red Bull. I have one before I get in the shower, and then I drink one on the way to work. I don’t really drink coffee because it’s a slow process. Redbull is portable and it gets you ready to embrace the day.” (+7 for “willing to do what it takes”-ness, -3 for shoddy arithmetic).

Blanton’s: “The only alcohol I drink is Blanton’s whiskey (+.5), Woodford Reserve (a small-batch bourbon) (+.5) and Glenlivet 15-year (a single-malt scotch) (They make scotches aged fewer than 18 years?! -10 for knowing that.). There’s a good liquor place on 86th Street between Broadway and Amsterdam that I go to every now and then.”

Bar: “The bad side of the long hours. After six months, I noticed people started calling me less and less (+25 for being able to “give us your all”). Some of my friends and I go to Milk & Honey (-3 for being behind the game). It’s really small and there are rules. Men can’t approach women, you have to make reservations and they chip the ice into your drink. At the other end of the spectrum is Yogi’s. They have $7 pitchers of Bud Ice. ’nuff said.” (-2 for not helping out The Patriot, +1 cause Yogi’s is owned by the same guy).

Thanks again for your application. I’m actually only in HR here at TPG, so this is just a first pass, and I’m sure I may have missed some stuff (the folks here seem to agree with us and might have provided additional input). We do understand you may have had limited time while answering these questions and that reporters tend to take things out of context, so we tried to take that into consideration. But you’re a bit of a media extravaganza now, so I’m sure you’ll understand that our hands are tied.

Best of luck,
Corinne Lee
Texas-Pacific Group

Andrew, sorry about the lack of contact–they disabled my email account. To be honest, it’s looking pretty grim. I hear Strategic M&A at Blimpie has an opening, though. What do you say? Free subs!

Jenna Luckham
Glocap Search


206 comments for this post.

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  1. +8 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    hi, i?ve been clicking all your google adverts so you can make money and keep providing this goodness – i hope it helps (please everyone else – click this dudes ads)

  2. -4 votes + -
    My firm would only make you jealous Said:

    i think hes already been fired?

  3. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Douche Central

  4. -18 votes + -
    Hugh Jorgen Said:

    pretty good post, kicking a boy while he?s down?kudos. to most of the other posters?.you make me laugh even though you can?t spell to the canucks?you are all fuck-tards but you have a pretty decent ski resort out west to Andrew?you are the biggest t-bagging d-bag and deserve all the riducule you get audi 5000

  5. -11 votes + -
    Hugh Jorgen Said:

    yes, for you lame asses, the spelling error was on purpose?.don?t ridicule me?.

  6. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    More Douching

  7. -3 votes + -
    Jamal Said:

    Andrew?s ext at Bear Stearns 9254

  8. -12 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    audi 5000. damMmMmm SoN tHaT IsHt iZ MaDdDdDd FuNnY. GoOd ThInG I WoRk aZ a JaNiToR aT KrK ThE CrAZy pE FuNd. I LoVe tHiZ IsHt.

  9. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Canadians are a bunch of Mexicans sitting up North. Canada is the biggest scam in the history of mankind

  10. +2 votes + -
    Curious Said:

    Did this guy really get fired because of the article?

  11. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    They don?t use the full ”Texas Pacific Group” anymore (just TPG, like KFC used to be Kentucky Fried Chicken) and there was never a hyphen regardless. And they wouldn?t hire any of you? And I like Canadians, mullets and all.

  12. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I guess the article is somewhat funny if you don?t know the guy (and it is cleverly criticized in this entry.) However, he?s a good kid and does not talk about material things (unless it is fished out of him and taken out of context as it is in this case). He doesn?t deserve all the BS he is getting from everyone so lay off the kid and move onto the next victim. Every banker thinks like that anyway (even if s/he doesn?t have the gull to say it).

  13. +3 votes + -
    Gekko Said:

    What type of torture methods did they use on him to fish this info out? Was Jack Bauer involved? BTW, he definitely deserves this.. These words did come out of his mouth. He did say he put cigar smoking on his resume right?

  14. +9 votes + -
    Fucktard Said:

    > No one?s making fun of the guy for thinking like this or even being like every other banker. The big mistake inviting his just desserts is talking to a goddamn reporter. If you need a cheap thrill, hire a call girl, but for God?s sake, don?t talk to a frigging reporter unless you WANT something leaked. Idiot.

  15. +1 votes + -
    IBD Said:

    apparantly, this guy was fired. anyone close to source that can confirm?

  16. +2 votes + -
    Nancy Said:

    Where is Logan? I miss you HUNEEEEY!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxo Nancy Ng

  17. -5 votes + -
    you moron Said:

    how thick can one get? ”apparantly, this guy was fired. anyone close to source that can confirm?” yeah. he was fired in cuckooville. this is fiction. you might have heard of it if you read a book once in a while

  18. +7 votes + -
    Gekko Said:

    HAHAH? actually ”you moron”?YOU are the moron. The post itself is fiction, however it is based on real events.. Have you ever tried clicking a link that says ”link” or ”link” Here, I?ll make it easy for your thick head. http://www.nypost.com/seven/04242007/entertainment/tools_of_the_trade_entertainment_lindsay_edelstein.htm?page=0 http://gawker.com/news/new-york-post/i+banker-does-profession-proud-is-ti%20tanic-douche-254812.php

  19. +2 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    Hahaha, ”You moron” just shot himself in his fucktard leaky nuts!!! Talk about irony!

  20. -2 votes + -
    you moron Said:

    that shoots this blog to a whole new level then. big up

  21. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    anybody else feel like we?ve scared away most of the people who take the blog seriously and by doing so, killed all of the best comments?

  22. 0 votes + -
    Blah Said:

    Yeah, I agree you moron is actually a fucking retard. Probably works for some small boutique firm in Kansas. Fucking retard, you are a waste of space.

  23. 0 votes + -
    Gekko Said:

    My guess is that ”you moron” may end his sentences in ”ey” and call ham bacon. Just a guess. Rest assured Anonymous 5:41, there will always be retards making comments. I?m not woried.

  24. +20 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    I gotta agree w/ ”Do Work Income Fund” on the starched shirt shit, this ain?t 1950 and we aren?t working in IBM?s mainframe sales division. Secondly, loafers are for 47 year old bankers from Strong Island, who have their wives match their argyle socks to their 7 year old, worn Brooks Brothers suits. And the last time I checked, off the rack Hickey?s aren?t over $2k, and at his peon level, none of the MDs give a shit anyway that he?s wearing a $2,000 suit indirectly financed by his father, he should be working on his modeling and photocopying skills more anyway. Finally, why has nobody commented on his tool-like supercuts hairstyle, and double chin at the tender age of 24. Andrew, put down the freaking donuts you butterball, start eating some cereal and maybe a salad on occasion, and for god?s sake, spend some of your $190k on a gym membership, preferably at the company gym so you can burn some of that shit off of your corpulent physique during the week. Now that you stupidly talked to a reporter, got your broke ass fired, and have some impressive experience shining your own shoes, I?d suggest that you go home and grab your shine box. Everybody else keep an eye out for a portly 24 year old, wearing shiny Ferragamo loafers, working at the northeast corner of 42nd & 5th Ave., at the shoe shine place just outside of Bryant Park. And make sure to tip him well so he can afford some $7 pitchers of Bud Light Ice after a long day of work.

  25. +2 votes + -
    models and bottles Said:

    brillantly done straight talker

  26. +1 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    I also wanted to point out that that WestCoast_LBO idiot who said that your moniker refers to Excel models and not long-legged models, has clearly spent too much time in cold, foggy SF (where the girls are mostly boring) or plain vanilla Silicon Valley (where the Gap is considered nice clothing) and not any time living here to see that while models aren?t the smartest peeps around, given my choice I?d rather spend my 8pm-4am hours w/ trying to chat with them at Marquee on a Thursday night (like I did last night w/ Amanda Hearst, Tinsley Mortimer and their type) than on the 35th floor of my building w/ Excel models staring back at me.

  27. +6 votes + -
    BSD Said:

    straight talker, taking Amanda Hearst?s drink orders does not count as ”chatting”

  28. 0 votes + -
    jjc1122 Said:

    Straight Talker, Get your head out of your ass. California has the best weather and the most beautiful women in the country. NYC during summer is a disgusting humid cesspool. The smell is horrendous. Meanwhile, people in SF and LA are enjoying awesome weather and hot busty blondes in great shape. Marqee is way past its heyday. It?s filled with low class B&T people.

  29. +4 votes + -
    B&T Said:

    Hey jjc1122 and other west coast homos?.. 1. You suck 2. California Sucks Have a great time sitting in traffic in your 94 Honda Civic, enjoying ”awesome weather and hot busty blondes in great shape”??.OK, maybe half of that statement is true, Im sure you do enjoy the hot busty (read nice pecs) blonde men working out at Venice (read gay) beach?.see ya homos.

  30. +4 votes + -
    jjc1122 Said:

    Your moniker tells me all I need to know. You?re probably some poor kid from Jersey working as an analyst at Jeffries, who thinks going to Marquee is so cool. There?s a reason why the hottest models and actresses come to LA. The girls at NYC look like shit compared to Cali girls. They?re either overweight or too skinny. Yuck!

  31. +8 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    jjc1122 is a freaking tool. Yeah, I love the fake tits and fake tans that go along w/ the SoCal girls. I thought you were at least going to defend the more in shape and smarter SF girls, but instead you?re going to defend the L.A. dummies. The dumbest girls in any city in the U.S., hands down. They are our little playgrounds when we fly out to Vegas for a weekend, then you idiots can have them back. NYC during the summer is fantastic on the weeknights, and if you aren?t a complete idiot who is stuck in the office all weekend putting pitch books together, like you apparently were here, you?d have been out in Bridge and East living the good life. L.A. has decent weather, but there is no city life, no buzz, just a few out of the way bars that require driving all over the place for, parking your car w/ valet idiots, and then attempting to drive back home shit-faced. In your case, you have to drive back to your duplex in Reseda, or to your baby mama?s place in Bakersfield, so I?d think you?d be even more annoyed w/ your shitty little lot in life.

  32. 0 votes + -
    jjc1122 Said:

    Straight Talker, LOL! Have fun with those overweight JAP chicks! Every straight male who has been to both cities confirm that LA has way hotter women. They?re in great shape and take care of themselves. Have you even been to LA? The clubs, bars, and lounges have some of the most beautiful women in the world, not to mention the beaches and all the cool outdoor places. You?re a freaking homo if you care about intelligence in women. You must be one of those guys who got rejected by the hot chicks, so now you look for ”smart well-rounded” women to compensate for your insecurities. By the way, I?m not an analyst. And I?m sure I make more money and date hotter chicks than you. God, you?re a douchebag.

  33. +8 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    Yeah, zero JAPs out in L.A., right. I don?t ever hang at Sutton Place and the UES spots you apparently frequented, so I don?t need to deal w/ that crowd. Which city has more models? I?m glad you didn?t try to defend L.A.?s girls has having anything but a pea brain, as then you?d be lying in addition to being just wrong. I can tell you honestly, having lived in California and New York, that while the weather in L.A. is better, the girls here are hotter if not more demanding, nightlife is far superior both in quality and quanity, and overall lifestyle here is simply better. Now maybe you?re one of those little homos who needs to drive his Volkswagen convertible around town, staring blasting, or perhaps you?ve leased a Porsche Boxter so you can try and pull ho?s that way, and make up for your lack of girth, but here it?s purely what you have to offer and what you can pull on your own. Maybe you?re one of those fat dudes who can?t get by on his own, maybe you need a Boxter, I don?t know, but that?s not my problem, it?s yours. We don?t have to pull up to the club in our car to try and hope to have a chance to meet girls in Manhattan, and that way fat guys get fat chicks (that?s you), and the in shape guys get the hot chicks (that?s me). Now get back to putting together your 18th pitchbook together kiddo, and quit getting off and seeing what I?m going to say next, this is getting old, and I?ve got a cocktail party to hit in a few hours (yes on a Monday, it?s just the way we roll here). Peace out, analyst biatch.

  34. +7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    straight talker and jjc, you guys are obviously back office to be responding to one another so rapidly. get your sh*t together and ST, remember that I like roman numeral tabs, not the BS letters you put in the last book. JJC, I prefer a skim chai latte, not that garbage you brought me today. since you?ve been bad, no 24 dudes to a 3br house off the highway in hampton bays for you this weekend.

  35. 0 votes + -
    models and bottles Said:

    Straight talker, these clowns from the left coast could never hang here. I?d much rather roll at the Star Room or Pink Elephant east on my summer nights in the Hamptons than in that smog/pollution capital of the US that is LA.

  36. 0 votes + -
    Renaissance Tech Said:

    ST must be a masochist, cuz the last time I checked with my dick, which was Saturday night, it was much better to show a dumb hot chick my M5 and get laid within 30 minutes than to chat up some ”demanding” NYC woman for hours and maybe get an akward hangjob. And while you?re standing there bragging about how much more game you have, I?ll be telling your girl I have something shiny to show her.

  37. +2 votes + -
    jjc1122 Said:

    I really hope a douchebag like you doesn?t work at RenTech. I can?t imagine those RenTech dorks driving M5 and hooking up with hot chicks.

  38. -1 votes + -
    whooknew Said:

    HICKey Freeman? i?m not a banker or in pe, but i do know suits. and HICKey Freeman is not the look. You really can?t be serious. i know if a banker came to pitch me in a HICK suit, the show would be over. real ceos where zegna or brioni. HICKey Freeman?..i?m still laughing.

  39. -2 votes + -
    Frenchie Said:

    Right ! you are not banker ? What are you doing here ? But I?m agree with you for Hickey suit, italian suit must be wearing by banker.

  40. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    whooknew = retail clerk at barney?s who picks up the lingo and tries to seduce women at the gansevoort by telling them he is in PE, but lives in brooklyn because of the vibe. you may dress the part, but your CUNY education will give you away.

  41. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    To straight talker?s comment ”The dumbest girls in any city [LA] in the U.S., hands down.” I didnt know there existed model girls who were smart. Also, Marquee sucks?Tanjune, Cain,and Pink Elephant are most def the way to roll. To jjc and all the dumb canadians: NYC IS THE BEST FUCKIN CITY, ALL OTHER CITIES WISH THEY HAD WHAT WE ENJOY..we are the REAL Financial Capital of the world, FUCK OFF?

  42. -1 votes + -
    jjc1122 Said:

    NYC is a city in decline. It has bad weather, overpriced apartments, and ugly women. SF and LA have everything NYC has, in addition to better weather and hotter girls.

  43. -2 votes + -
    you faggots Said:

    NYC had its day. London is the real financial capital of the world

  44. -4 votes + -
    Frenchie Said:

    So, Paris is a small piggy-bank than NYC?miss!

  45. +4 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    What the fuck is Frenchie even doing in here, this is an English-speaking blog you tool. Have somebody check your grammar before posting in here again, you?re making your countrymen look worse, if that?s possible. I should clarify on the dumb chicks thing, OK I?ll admit to having taken some dumb chicks, but they had real Bs and Cs, and not fake Ds?.the worst. I hate fake L.A. look, get that shit outta here.

  46. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I must agree with Straight Talker,the whole LA look is pretty shitty.

  47. +8 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    StraigtTalker: ”?Marquee on a Thursday night (like I did last night w/ Amanda Hearst, Tinsley Mortimer and their type)” I went to school with Amanda, and I have to say, I?m pretty surprised to hear that she was at Marquee of all places?..was she paid by Wass to attend? Marquee isn?t exactly hot anymore just because it?s featured in a Moet advertisement in GQ. And who precisely is ”their type”? You didn?t know who she was before that night, I?m guessing. Come talk to me the next time you?re at Goldbar or Tenjune, I?ll be the one at Eugene?s table talking to your girlfriend about the problems with dating a short jew in New York.

  48. -3 votes + -
    Haha Said:

    Tenjune and PE are total nerd-fests. The world has moved to London?its sad none of you unworldly ny/sf/la losers will enjoy the delights of the Volstead and Cucu?or Maison Blanche and Mandalaray in Paris. And actually if any of you fools knew anything about what?s cutting edge, you?d know the Mutek festival going on in Montreal right now offers parties 100x better than anything in ny right now?keep stroking your egos and battling each other to become grandmasters of 28th street and 11th you ignorant plebes?

  49. -6 votes + -
    Chitown Baby Said:

    None of you losers can even handle the flow in Chicago. Fck the Coasts and Fck London

  50. +8 votes + -
    85 Broad St. Said:

    Chicago?.. ***speechless*** HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHa..

  51. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Jesus Christ. I live in Chicago, and it sucks. I can?t wait to move to NYC. Chicago is a second-tier Midwestern town that tries so hard to be NYC. The nightlife here sucks. The girls are okay but aren?t even close to NYC chicks. Dude, you?re a pathetic loser. Have fun at Rino, Enclave, and all those other lame Chicago spots.

  52. +1 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    Hey Anonymous (which makes you a pussy since you can?t even come up w/ a moniker) at May 16th at 5:47 p.m., Amanda Hearst was there, but you?re so close w/ her (you probably carried her freaking books at prep school while her and her friends made fun of your chubby a$$) that you could just call her to confirm. It was last Thursday. She was one of the hosts of a benefit there, u fckface, sponsored by Q Magazine. Put that in yer azz and smoke it my man. Her type? The silver spoon, 9 figure trust fund (should I pause while you try and figure out how that translates into dollars?), everything trimmed up and tidy, and hanging at the family Sagaponack spread for the summer. That type. Nice guess on the short jewish thing, you biggot, but I?m neither of that faith, nor short. I?ll look for you this coming Tuesday night at Eugene?s table at Tenjune, you gonna be there? I can?t wait to teabag your fatty girlfriend w/ her gold Seiko watch on that you got her for Valentine?s Day, and lift up her cheap, slightly flawed Filene?s Basement dress w/ the Lewinksky stain on it.

  53. +10 votes + -
    Dogg Pound Gangsta Said:

    All you bitches are whacked? Da best spot is a good ol california gangsta style pool party in my boy larry?s backyard in Compton? 40s and shorties with wet panties? gyea! west side hoes, east side hoes, who cares? i don?t love dem hoes?

  54. +2 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    Chicago, it?s a great place (for about 2 weeks in June and September), but I wouldn?t wanna live there. Actually, I did hit up Reserve there, and there were some nice tail walking around, I have to admit, though the lights come on at 2:45pm and the show is over, what a fkcking buzzkill. Then you fight to get into the sausage factory after hours spots, which don?t serve alcohol. The town doesn?t compare w/ NYC, not even worth a discussion. This guy?s probably from Milwaukee and he came down for a crazy weekend w/ his old b-school pals, and so Chicago felt like it was heaven. You gotta feel for him, Baird or Strong Capital tricked him into moving there w/o full disclosure.

  55. +8 votes + -
    Dogg Pound Gangsta Said:

    which one of you wannabe PE cats is working on da Carlysle/Valentino deal? Tell your boys dat $3.61 billion for a washed-up, wait-staff wear design house is whacked? My boy Tyrone?s Dirty Denim Crib is up for grabs for a tricked out Impala and a year?s worth of Schlitz Malt Liqa?and throw in a couple cartons of Kool? hows that for my DCF (da compton flow) valuation? gyea!

  56. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Straight Talker, Right on! I?ve been living in Chicago for over 2 years, and it?s decent during parts of summer when half-naked hotties are walking on Rush Street and next to Lake Michigan. Reserve is hot on Wednesday nights, but the rest of the week, it?s a bust. I?m really tired of Chicago. All the places are packed with dudes, and the city feels like a big frat party. I don?t see how anyone can even compare Chicago to NYC. Also, no finance bigshot would be caught dead living in Chicago.

  57. +4 votes + -
    Chitown Baby Said:

    No finance dude would be caught dead in Chicago? How many billions of notional value in derivatives trades here? The NYSE is dead, the CME/CBOT is the future. Suck on that

  58. +2 votes + -
    Chitown Baby Said:

    oh and how about the Chicago GSB? Best finance school in the world happens to be in, what was that, Chicago?

  59. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Yeah, CME/CBOT are in Chicago, but floor trading is dead, so it really doesn?t matter where a trader lives. Electronic trading is where we?re heading. I used to work at CME, and most of those guys weren?t making money. Aside from Citadel, I can?t think of a single company in finance worth taking over a good NYC firm. Chicago GSB is solid, but the students there were rejected at Harvard, Stanford, and Wharton. Hope that helps.

  60. +4 votes + -
    Chitown Baby Said:

    rejected at Stanford, Wharton, Harvard? hahahahahahhaha. I guarantee graduates of 2 of those schools don?t even know the definition of standard deviation.

  61. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Keep on telling yourself that if it makes you feel better. Chicago GSB students do reasonably well in getting i-banking jobs, but they get killed in PE, VC, hedge funds, and consulting by HBS, Stanford, and Wharton people. Just as an example, Blackstone doesn?t hire Chicago MBA students. There?s no point in arguing this. You can believe whatever you want.

  62. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    you guys are fools?nyc/la/london/other sh*tty cities?.it?s all about dallas ya?ll have you see the hot little numbers down there? we?ve got oil money and no education ? nothing better than a hot southern girl with the right roots and so much money that she doesn?t even have to wear a watch?.try and figure that one out.

  63. +4 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    Having spent some time in Chicago some years back for bschool, it seemed like an OK place at the time until moving to Gotham, at which point you realized how relatively boring the nightlife was. SF, same deal, especially w/ the 1:45am lights go on law. However, while it?s true many Chicago MBAs didn?t get into Harvard or Wharton (however w/ alums such as Corzine, Purcell, Meriwether, Cliff Asness, Brady Dougan, Pete Peterson, the 2 guys who run Goldman?s global alpha fund, the list goes on, we hardly need to explain having gone there) screw Stanford, I?ve met one Stanford MBA ever who worked on the Street, they simply don?t get recruited nor are wanted here. It doesn?t matter cuz they?re all too busy making tens of millions at Google, Facebook, Youtube, anyway, which is why they?re smarter than the rest of us Wall Street working stiffs who need to work til we?re 45 before being able to stop working.

  64. +7 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    Blackstone is run by GSB graduates you uninformed moron. Try googling Pete Peterson, Roger Altman, James Quella. The Carlyle Group?s FOUNDER and managing partner is James Conway, GSB grad. ?Nuff said dumbshit, no point in arguing this, believe whatever YOU want. Look, many Chicago grads are geeks, it?s true, like our friend above who thinks it?s cool if you can calc std dev., but most MBAs from all schools are geeks. For that matter, so are most people on this website reading this stuff. Unless you were throwing L.A. style gangsta pool parties at Kellogg or UCLA, you were likely hanging and still are hanging w/ mostly geekish types.

  65. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Straight Talker, I wasn?t bashing Chicago GSB. It?s a great school, and I will be applying there next year. However, my dream school remains Harvard, due to its prestige, networking, quality of students, and Boston. It?s a longshot of course. What do you like so much about NYC nightlife, as opposed to other cities? It seems like it?s much tougher to impress chicks at NYC. One trader I know told me he personally knows a bunch of people in NYC who made more than $10 million last year. I guess it?s just much tougher to be a big dog there.

  66. -4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I said Blackstone doesn?t hire Chicago GSB students. If I remember correctly, there?s no associate who got his MBA there.

  67. +5 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    Harvard = great networking school, the best, but not a bunch of tangible tools picked up. It?s great for the corporate world also. Just get into a top 5 school and don?t apply to berkeley, duke, UVA, etc. waste of time and money. NYC has a great vibe, the best. London? Are you freaking kidding me? I know more guys from London who come here for long weekends and can?t believe what they see and do not look forward to returning back home. Ask anybody who?s lived here before what it?s like here on a May-June evening, when it?s 83 degrees outside, a touch of humidity, and half of the girls are running around w/o bras on (a.k.a. bra burning season), daring you to stare at their nipples (these are the non-finance girls, and typically reside in the Village, not on the UES). That gets things fired up enough that by midnight, when you sit down w/ your first bottle at Marquee (yes, Marquee, Anomymous 5/16 5:47pm motherfcker, the place still rocks, amazingly, after all these years), Tenjune, Pink Elephant, etc., Amanda Hearst, Tinsley Mortimer and their type (i love saying it that way now) have by now removed their panties, and are climbing the walls of the VIP table, hoping for a lick/sip. (don?t worry, the panties aren?t lost, guys are using them as bottle ornaments in the vicinity). No other cities offer this, none. The big dogs in NYC? First of all, here the real big dogs are making $20, $50, $100 million (I?m excluding the obscenely wealthy hedge fund managers making $500m+ a year, they?re irrelevant and have zero non-money game anyway),don?t worry about them. They spent their 30s years wasting away their lives working all-nighters at PE and M&A shops, and flying off to Cleveland to do due diligence meetings, thinking it was cool they were flying in G-IV?s, while their wives (the Tinsley Mortimers of the world) were hooking up w/ us medium-sized dogs back at said clubs (see above). They aren?t your competition at clubs, only at weekend cocktail parties in the city and at Cyril?s, Talkhouse and house parties in the Hamptons, where rolling up in a Maserati can do wonders. Work on your sense of humor for times like that and let?s hope you belong to a gym. More importantly, the 23-27 year old hotties you?ll be targeting at the clubs don?t understand the difference between six-figure and seven-figure incomes anyway (unless it?s the Amanda/Tinsley type and they will already be engaged to one of the big dogs anyway, so you just get to play w/ them, but not keep), so you?ll be making enough to get them back to your apartment and have your way w/ them. If that doesn?t happen by 1am, don?t worry, there is an endless supply of the B&T segment that comes from the NJ suburbs, Long Island, and southern CT, still looks great, but have poor credentials (you might find one w/ a Rutgers B.A. if you?re lucky), and will be impressed that you even work on Wall Street, even if it is doing back office clearing crap.

  68. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I?m only applying to top 5 b-schools, so if I can get into even one, I?ll be in good shape. After Harvard and Wharton, I really want to go to Columbia since it?s strong in finance and is in NYC. I heard students there have a blast. Your description of NYC social scene is funny and probably true. I was there in late March for a friend?s wedding and was stunned at the quality of women walking around. There were areas where every other girl looked like a model. They were also a lot better dressed and looked much more sophisticated than the women I see here in Chicago. You mention that the competition is not the guys making the big money. Do these people hang out at places like Marquee, Bungalow 8, Milk and Honey, etc., or do they have their own social outlet going on?

  69. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I guess you disagree with the argument that London has overtaken NYC as the world?s financial capital? Bloomberg and Schumer made a big deal about this recently.

  70. +2 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    The big dogs don?t have time to go to the clubs, nor would they know where one was if they wanted to. they?d have to ask one of their hottie admins where to go, and she may get it right.

  71. +7 votes + -
    EC1 Said:

    Its funny the only response to London?s dominance is some vague account of how some city workers (the real city) went to NY for a long-weekend and loved it?Hell if you work in banking and you go ANYWHERE for a long-weekend you?d f!@#! love it. Even f!@#!@ Chicago or, maybe even LA?No one on this thread dare mess with Londra because they?re scared that what Bberg, WSJ, FT are saying is damn right true?for the real ballers the choice is between NW1 or SW1?they don?t even consider Upper East, Tribeca or anything else?

  72. 0 votes + -
    230 Fifth Said:

    Really?people still go to Marquee? The only people who ask me about it are my Canadian friends in town for a visit and some of my Jersey high school friends. You can?t be serious.

  73. +13 votes + -
    dont wanna be a playa no more Said:

    all you losers who diss on marquee or whatever club, what the fuck is the point???? you can go to the hottest club in NYC and see 100 hot chicks or the lowest club and see 1 dime piece? the difference is whether or not you have game? bankers, i?m sorry but you losers have no game..yeah, throw some dineros around and buy love? but, the true players already established their social value and dont need money to bring home the sluts?throw your $$$$$$$s around? but the likes of amanda hearst or tinsley mortimer will never give you the blowjob of your life? as for me, i?ve fucked the ”pseudo aristocrats”, the collar poppin, sweater tyin wannabe elite? fuck them? daddy?s money will never teach them how to give the proper blowjob? ill take the 5 dolla skank on sunset strip anyway day? why the fuck do you think that Hugh Grant went for a skank in LA??. your bitch could be scarlett johansenn or giselle ? but, if she can?t suck a mean dick, she?s not worth even a fucking 5 dolla whore on sunset?

  74. +10 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    The Red Bull count may be correct. Consider: there is no mention of showering every day (only that he showers), so if 12 bottles are consumed over 2 weeks, and assuming only 5 work days a week (-10 points), then we can deduce he showers an average of once a week (+2 for dedication; -5 for acting French).

  75. +1 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    I?ll take Scarlett or Giselle, and roll the dice on their sexual abilities, fck teh 5 dolla skank from Newark.

  76. +5 votes + -
    S&T > IBD Said:

    straight talker?.I fckin luv NYC.. Once you?ve expereinced the best ($, women, nitelife, culture, food.)..everything else is a dissapointment.. I once had a GF who had the audacity to to try to get me to move with her to NC?NORTH FCKN CAROLINA?can u believe that sht? KEEP reppn it HARD my man!!!

  77. -7 votes + -
    jjc1122 Said:

    S&T>IBD, You must be a lowly trading analyst at a mediocre bank who thinks NYC is the greatest city in the world. Compared to SF and LA, NYC is an overpriced shithole with ugly women, bad weather, and pretentious douchebags. I don?t know anyone who would rather live in NYC than SF or LA.

  78. +6 votes + -
    Dogg Pound Gangsta Said:

    NYC doesn?t have the infamous porn parties? I love rollin deep to Aura in LA, flashing da stash, and taking home 2 or 3 porn skanks to my crib? NYC ballers pay them $1500 to $2000 just to lick their toes? gyea!

  79. -5 votes + -
    jjc1122 Said:

    I?ve banged girls in LA that these NYC finance geeks could never get. NYC girls are out of shape and just look plain ridiculous.

  80. 0 votes + -
    S&T > IBD Said:

    JJc1122, You?ve got me spot on?u ”Night at the Roxbury” prissy MF? Bank? HA?.u would never make it my Fund ..SON! I make more on a random TUESDAY between 9:30-9:31 ..(Thats A.M.) than u do in a fckn year.. KID..

  81. +15 votes + -
    Amanda H. Said:

    that straight talker guy has me so riled up that I?m not even waiting til I hit up Marquee to remove my panties, they?re coming off now, and I can?t wait to climb all over his table. And, yes boys, NYC is the best city, hands down, I should know.

  82. -2 votes + -
    jjc1122 Said:

    S&T>IBD, I?m glad you enjoy working for a no-name hedge fund that?s gonna go bust in the next year or two, making low six-figures. Meanwhile, you roam these lame NYC nightclubs on the weekends, praying that a girl will take you home. Enjoy the shitty NYC weather while I have a blast in LA!

  83. +5 votes + -
    Dogg Pound Gangsta Said:

    Amanda H. do you take it in the face? spit or swallow?

  84. +7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    No question in my mind that about the last 15 posts on here were made by about 3 people in total, all under the age of 25 and living in Jersey City.

  85. +4 votes + -
    Dogg Pound Gangsta Said:

    Amanda H. which consortium, in your opinion, will end up with the U.S. beverage division of Cadbury Schwepps? Blackstone/KKR/Lion Capital or TPG/Bain/Thomas H. Lee?

  86. +5 votes + -
    Amanda H. Said:

    also, i just love that Dog Pound guy, he sounds like he?s probably not the kind of guy Daddy would have let me bring back home, but now that I?ve got access to my trust fund and have my own spot, I?d definitely bring him back to see what that whole gangsta thing is all about.

  87. +4 votes + -
    Anonymoose Said:

    the next clown that posts under the ”Anonymous” name, is a freaking pillow biter.

  88. -2 votes + -
    jjc1122 Said:

    ok, fine I admit it, you NYC weanies wouldn?t give me a shot at working in M&A there, so I went out to L.A. Whatever, who gives a crap, L.A. rules anyway, and I?m glad I never came out there to work. Cali?s the best man, and you guys all know it. Dude, I?m sick of all this east coast shit talking.

  89. 0 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    for those doubting Amanda Hearst at Marquee last Thursday, check out: http://www.patrickmcmullan.com/website/pmc_screens/event_Selects.aspx?Event_Id=8586 notice Johnny Depp was also in the house it appears

  90. -3 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    Stop bragging because you ”hung” out with Amanda Hearst at Marquee. You?re still a NYC loser struggling to make six-figures and getting mediocre chicks.

  91. +2 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    Anon, you are a pillow biter.

  92. +3 votes + -
    Bottles Said:

    straight talker, Im a college student interning in the chicago this summer at a decent BB investment bank. Also, I am a frequent visitor to Cain and Pink Elephant where I am very familiar with poppin bottles like you. I can tell you hold a lot weight in the city. Do you think we could chat about jobs at PE or better BB firms? If so, how can I get in contact with you. Thanks

  93. +1 votes + -
    Different Taste Said:

    Damn some of you guys like some skinny plastic looking women. Give me a real woman with a body any day!

  94. +1 votes + -
    disgusted Said:

    I can?t believe how pathetic many of these posts are. How old are you? I hope I?ve never had an argument with anyone about whose city/country is better than whose, but if I have I?m pretty sure that I wasn?t older than 10 at the time. Sure, different people have preferences for different cities, but surely if someone lives somewhere unappealing to you, you accept that they have different taste to you or just pity them; you don?t have arguments over whether or not their city is a shithole. Don?t you realise that by having arguments like these you are worse than Andrew, extending the superiority he clearly associates with certain brands of cigar or suit to cities, nationalities, sexualities and religions. I don?t usually get so preachy, but some of the bigotry in the above posts made me sick.

  95. 0 votes + -
    Bottles Said:

    straight talker, my email is npaulm727@hotmail.com

  96. -1 votes + -
    OilGasFutures.Com Said:

    colehaan all the way: you?re choice: adran penny, edwin penny, dennehy

  97. +1 votes + -
    Blah Said:

    wow, Bottle you are such a pathetic fag. How can you network on a site like this? Are you serious!? What an idiot?.

  98. +2 votes + -
    Pierce & Pierce Said:

    Straight Talker, I did talk to Amanda over the weekend, but she said she only remembers talking to Gay Talker (maybe that was you.) Seriously though, quit posting here talking like you?re a baller. Give me the name of your Quintessentially rep?..I want to tell them to revoke your membership for being such a complete and total douche bag (or are your American Express card to get tables at clubs you would otherwise have NO business being in?)

  99. +1 votes + -
    Back Office Said:

    What?s worse is he thinks straight talker is as MC Hammer would say, legit. The guy clearly has entirely too much time on his hands to both research the various destinations of the NY socialites and then post them on this site to actually be as solid an earner as he claims. My guess is he went to public high school in New Hampshire, went to a small liberal arts college in upstate New York and became fixated on finance as he spent hours in his room performing auto-erotic asphyxiation on himself to the movie Wall Street.

  100. +2 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    When Piercy and BO get done sucking each other off, we can get back to real discussions about booze, broads and ballin. For now, keep up the fellatio exercise boys.

  101. +1 votes + -
    Hedgie Said:

    Yo Straight Talker! I?m thinking of buying a condo in Manhattan. My price target is low seven figures. What are the most prestigious places?

  102. 0 votes + -
    Amanda H. Said:

    All of this trash-talking has me so worked up and horny, I?ve found myself removing my panties at lunchtime on a Monday, an absolutely unprecented move. I can?t wait to be at the French Tuesdays party tomorrow night at Tenjune and APT! I hope some of you boys join me, I?ll be looking for some hottie boys w/ table service to join.

  103. +3 votes + -
    Anonymity Said:

    ST, why you gotta be mean to Duke, Berkeley and UVA? According to the WSJ rankings, those schools, including Purdue and Michigan, are way better than Stanford. It mentioned in the survey that these schools have much more collegial students who acquire that rare combination of quant and strategic abilities, fused with street smarts that allow them to hit the ground running once they re-enter the work force.

  104. -7 votes + -
    Strong Milwaukee Mike Said:

    First of all, I have to agree with Chitown Baby, you east coast dudes have seen your best days and are over-rated. It?s all about the Midwest baby. Milwaukee for example is starting to get a nice little nightlife going now, so much so that we don?t even feel the need to take the Greydog down to Chicago anymore our Saturday nights on Rush and Division Streets, which are rockin and full of hot big city babes. ?Waukee baby, don?t knock it til you try it! Don?t believe me? Check this out: http://clubmilwaukee.com/ Oh and I?m not some local yocal, I work at Strong Capital. Heard of it? I thought so.

  105. +1 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    Don?t be mean to Duke, Berkeley and UVA? Mean? Whoever you are, what are you doing on this website? It sounds like you were accepted into one of these schools, were hoping they would be able to get you land you an M&A spot at a bulge bracket Manhattan firm, and now I?m raining on your parade. If you think I?m mean, wait until your second week of work next summer when the cocktail events and welcome wagon have disappeared and your little weekend plans get cancelled due to a deal that comes in on Friday night. That will really seem ”mean”. Those schools are great if you just want to be able to put ”MBA” on your resume or go work for XYZ Corp, but it ain?t going to put you into a solid position on the Street without having an amazing network or somebody owing your father big-time. And don?t get too caught up in the pools, Stanford will always be a better b-school than any of those second tier places, no matter what the magazine rankings say. Shit, I went to Chicago, we are ranked #1 in the most respected poll/ranking, Business Week, for the past two years, and even I know better than to think we are the top school, overall. The top schools are and have been for many years, something like Wharton, Harvard, Stanford, Chicago, Dartmouth, and maybe Columbia since it has such great access to the Street. Now the next jackass who responds to this and tries to argue MIT, UVA or Kellogg should be on her also, fck off, it?s not a science and I obviously can?t prove it, but those are generally considered the top 5, and where most people get hired from to work in the best places. Period. Sorry to be so ”mean”. Hedgie, I?m thinking a nice, new glass condo in Jersey City is good for you, close to GS?s back office ops and has a fantastic view of the city skyline. $1,000,001 will go a long way there.

  106. +3 votes + -
    King Smart Ian Said:

    This Strong Capital? Strong Capital Management and its founder have agreed to pay $140 million and reduce fees to settle charges of improper mutual fund trading ??” a deal that also bars Richard Strong from the securities industry for life. The settlement with the Securities and Exchange Commission, New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer and Wisconsin Attorney General Peg Lautenschlager was announced Thursday. It is the culmination of months of often-difficult negotiations, regulators say. The case involved a betrayal of investors and a suppression of evidence, they say. ( The deal paves the way for Strong Capital to be sold. That could mean the end of the 30-year-old Menomonee Falls, Wis.-based firm as a stand-alone mutual fund company. That?s some bucket shop!

  107. +2 votes + -
    Hedgie Said:

    Straight Talker, I agree with you on the b-schools. Duke, Berkeley, and UVA are pieces of garbage and not worth your time and money. Regarding the condo, I?m looking at something around 3 million, which is enough for a place at St. Regis or even Time Warner. I?m single so don?t need enough space. You obviously don?t know Manhattan real estate, which confirms my suspicion that you live in Jersey or Queens, doing back office work for Bear Stearns.

  108. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I can?t believe that the bulk of this was pulled from a REAL person who was being interviewed by the NY Post?check out the first link at the top of this post?TRULY PATHETIC. Looks like our faithful author only inserted a few enhancements as well as the comments by ”Connie.” Oh, Andrew?

  109. 0 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    Hedgie, the only type of person who uses the term ”low seven figures” to describe anything, is a complete ignoramus (or ignoranus, depending on your preferences, you decide which of these two you are). A $1m condo will get you a small 1 bedroom apartment in Murray Hill or above 86th St., but not in the W. Village, SoHo, Tribeca or better high-rise buildings such as the Time Warner Center, and certainly not into the truly premium buildings like 15 Central Park West. Whereas $3m (still low seven figures) will get you just under 2k sq. ft. in the W. Village, TriBeCa, 70s on the UWS, Madison and 60s on the UES. How?s that for knowing my shit, wise muthafcka? Never been an outer borough resident, and never will, I leave that up to the little people such as yourself. You likely resemble Schneider from One Day at a Time, though at a lower income and level of prestige. Now go fix my toilet you freaking muck. Glad you at least get it about the b schools, since your read of people is clearly off.

  110. +8 votes + -
    Dogg Pound Gangsta Said:

    Straight shooter, I?m looking to expand my west coast petty theft and strong-arm-with-red-cap-still-in-the-barrel operations to da east coast. where do you recommend I should setup my operations? I plan on hustlin in a prestige neighborhood? gyea!

  111. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    isn?t strong owned by wells fargo? don?t they run commercial banks? go have a natty ice, mike.

  112. +7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    All you silly bankers on this forum really need to take a step back from your Excel spreadsheet-lives and realize that you aren?t the shit of this world. Yes, I realize you make the most in your 1st year out of undergrad, but you seem to be in total denial of the fact that you spend your lives kissing the asses of entrepreneurs who?ll make over 10x more than you once you?re done ”raising capital” for them. Even if you eventually make MD, you?ll always be splitting the ~4% cut from the IPO that just netted the CEO more than your group?s bonuses combined. You want to be the shit? Go start your own business instead of resigning to a life of ass-kissing.

  113. +1 votes + -
    jesus Said:

    no particular order: 1) great post – see plenty of above good commentary 2) ST, M&B, and god knows how many others, what are you 12, 13 tops? Kinda funny when one tries to rep his pimp game and baller/bsd status, dominion over all desirable women, etc and ends up sounding cattier than even the dumbest and most coked-up of celebutards. Congratulations – this is a momumental acheivement! 3) Chicago = great quant school; seriously though who tries to drop an insult about calculating stdev? You learn that in AP Stat back in HS or something? 4) Aren?t TenJune, Cain, PE, etc getting just a tad played out? Sheesh thats sooooo last summer, duh! 5) Frenchie or whoever rambled about Paris – wtf are you for real? London, NYC ok, hell HK, TKY or even freaking SF but Paris, come on now my toad-sucking pal! Maybe if they start IPO?ing gaudy artwork – and then still only a maybe at best?although I hear MO is spinning off PMI maybe you can get it cross-listed out there, that should be right up your alley. 4)

  114. +1 votes + -
    Naval Waters Said:

    who the fuck is this jesus homo. go f*ck yourself, pussyboy. you are a 23 year old, ”we?re all the same”, homo, banking analyst who sucks dick from the 2nd year associates from Upenn, Umass, Pepperdine. Next thing some Indian kid from suburban Michigan, will be yelling out ”screw these kids” while he dances to ”Detroit, I love this city!”. Whatever, screw it, you still suck, and the hotties are looking for hubbies. I f**ing loathe banker muthafu*kas, get a real job in PE, CDOs, CDS, or at a hedge fund, I?m sick of the other junk.

  115. +2 votes + -
    Chitown Baby Said:

    Lets face it, all you NY Wall Streeters are elitist pricks. 95% of this country could give a sht about your clubs or how cool you think it is to pound Excel all day long

  116. +1 votes + -
    jakarta Said:

    Am i the only person that has noticed the spurious remark that there are no Glenlivets under 18yrs?

  117. +2 votes + -
    Grey Global Said:

    Wall Street is out, advertising is the new hot thing. The amount of ass parading around my office is ridiculous, girl guy ratio at least 3 to 1. Fuck spending $500 a bottle at Cain when you have these USC summer interns willing to put out to live out their Sex and the City fantasies.

  118. +3 votes + -
    Hedgie Said:

    Chitown Baby, I?m really sorry that you live in a second-tier city like Chicago. That place tries so hard to be like NYC but will never even come close. I visited there many times, and the city just sucks. There are some decent places on Rush Street, but the rest of the city is boring. Wrigleyville and Lincoln Park are filled with cheap bars that cater to frat boys who just graduated from college. Chicago will always be a Midwestern town that attracts people who couldn?t make it in NYC, whether it?s finance, law, media, or any other field.

  119. +1 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    Grey Global is right, and I?d love to work around all that hot a$$, but a) how does one afford to live in the city unless you own the joint, and b) at some point you?ve got to get married, and I don?t know how you could resist that sort of temptation as each new crop of 22 year old, no-bra/no-panty wearing hotties come in the door each year. Can you help us w/ these two minor problems to an otherwise beautiful situation? Chitown Baby, you?re an idiot, aren?t you the guy who was bragging about being able to calculate std. dev.? Next time you open up that application called Excel on your computer, there is a function to calc std. dev. for you, in case you?re still doing it manually.

  120. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Why living in Chicago ?

  121. +3 votes + -
    Dogg Pound Gangsta Said:

    grey global, send those spoiled daddy?s little hoochies my way? once i settle my new operationz in da upper west side, i plan on addin pimpin to my line of bidnesses. i?ll trick those lil mamis 24/7. we?ll rent some maybachs for da day and roll up deep in front of tenjune or cain, roll down the windows and pull da hoes into my ride. to the anonymous cat talking about entrepreneurs? i am as entrepreneurial as it gets? straight hustlin baby? gyea!

  122. 0 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

  123. +6 votes + -
    EXCEL SLUT Said:

    =STDEV(E3:E4332)

  124. -2 votes + -
    wow Said:

    What could possibly be cool about London??? Lets see bad food, repulsive teeth which are a direct result of improper care and many generations of inbreeding and not to mention the horrendous f*$%ing weather. If you enjoy rain, smog and the constant nag of douchey accents coming from puke inducing fags (not ciggs, londoners) then yes London hands down is the place to be. Only a complete degenerate would compare London to THE CITY ALL CITIES WANT TO BE.NYC Keep fucking your sister and ignoring your regularly scheduled dental visits.(hey its been working so far) Dont get me started on Canada aka Americas redheaded stepchild

  125. +2 votes + -
    Amanda H. Said:

    oh my god, ”wow” is fu**ing hot. I will do you in a second, assuming you are into buying bottles at Marquee late nights during the week. I seriously have just removed my panties and it?s not even 10am yet, as your anti-London comments really do it for me. Ahhhhhh. I also hate Canada, and they?re so sneaky the way they copy how we talk. Why do they do that?

  126. +1 votes + -
    wow Said:

    AH?. I have turned half of my apt into a Marquee themed bar?all the bottles you want at any hour, assuming you don?t look like dog shit. As for the whole Canada thing.. They can?t decide whether they are Canadian (total douches), French (holy hell are they gay) or American (why even try, it just wont happen). Their homoerotic ways overwhelm me.

  127. +1 votes + -
    Amanda H. Said:

    i think you know what I look like, I?m Amanda Hearst. Mr. wow, you just lost 2 cool points. the good news is you still have 35 of them left due to your continuing ripping on those Canadians.

  128. -1 votes + -
    wow Said:

    Of course I know who the hottie Amanda Hearst is; I just wasn?t expecting you to be hanging out reading this. So Ms. Hearst what exactly is it going to take to have you for desert?

  129. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    before i address the article?s issues i must say nyc girls have more class and brain than LA girls. LA ones are gold-diggers, they look good on the arm for a week and then the next week a new one. NYC girls can have a decent convo and can make you look 100x better when you are sitting with your friends. Though LA ones do take care of their appearance more than their brain, hence they look better. For the article, GLOCAP sucks. I dont know who they hire for their representatives but they?ve always given me a problem. The lady always seems to be in a hurry when she talks to me on the phone. I was promised I would be given prep time before a particular interview and she never called me back, for some odd reason her number always showed up as ?restricted.? I was late to my interview because I was not given the number of the company, the glocap lady claimed ?you can call us if you need to talk to the company.? Which really didnt help when I arrived late, paid my $20 parking ticket, and was told the appointment was cancelled. On top of that it was a 2 1/2 hr. drive there and back, no apologies from glocap. Wow what a firm.

  130. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    yea, because accounttemps is the best?.LOL

  131. 0 votes + -
    Back Office Said:

    The number from Glocap appears as restricted so that when their reps call clients at work, it cannot be identified. Also, maybe next time you should try Metro-North, or perhaps a car service, thus obviating the need for parking and eliminating the risk of getting a ticket you peasant. Straight talker?s mother probably drank heavily during her pregnancy. When he emerged healthy, she proclaimed him her miracle baby and, despite wetting the bed until the age of twelve, told him he was very special and desitined for great things. However the kids at school didn?t agree, and he became an introvert, resorting to spending hours a day playing Dungeons and Dragons by himself, in costume. He was then sent to Hackley, where he blossomed in the class room and continued to brew the inferiority complex that he so deftly displays on this board. From there who really knows. I am willing to grant him a HS diploma, but there is something about his writing that tells me he never made it to commencement at Hofstra.

  132. +9 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    Back Office, I assume this name you are using here is a euphemism for Rear Entry, which is the name your weekend friends call you. You can be found wandering Christopher Street at all hours of the night, ready to blow anybody who will whisper sweet somethings in your ear. If you are impressed by my ability to play fantasy games, you ought to see your mother play an intense reality-based game of ”hide the sausage” with some of the fellas at the Queens auto repair shop where she keeps the books part-time, chain-smoking her afternoons away. She never quite got over the fact that having intercourse with her one-nutted, one-armed, 5? 3? 1st cousin from West Virginia actually produced a bastardized child. Thankfully, after you were thrust out of her heavily woolen vagina, a couple of boys from Smithtown, NY got up in there, and produced some not-so-diminutive offspring, although, like you, still severe lacking in cognitive abilities. It must be one hell of a Thanksgiving dinner when the group of you get together. Now go finish my fucking comp sheet, you little banking analyst dweeb!

  133. +1 votes + -
    Back Office Said:

    It?s nice to see you returned from your meth-induced all-orifice American tour from Provincetown to Atlanta to Castro and back again to answer my post. I thought that maybe someone along the way had not known about said tour, took you for a drifter trolling for D at a rest stop and ended your pathetic existence with a crow bar while you had dropped to gobble. Where is Smithtown? Is that really in NY or are you pulling a woolen vagina over my eyes? Woolen vagina? Is that what you use when you?re tired of your hand? Did your grandma knit it for you, knowing the last trim you had touched was your mother?s? I feel bad for kids like you, honestly I do. I bet you have some money, maybe you?re from some hole in LI where everyone lives in a raised ranch but drives a Lexus. But you?re parents resent you because you couldn?t get into an IVY and punished you by sending you to a SUNY. So now you have a massive inferiority complex which has manifested itself on this board. You frequently forget that you?re a state school kid and get uppity and try to use your wit, however no amount of wit or charm can make up for being an androgynous eyesore. So as your six month temp-to-perm contract expires this month, so will your life. Come on pal, call the recruiter now. Let him know you?re not fitting in again, whine that you?re ADD is preventing you from really grasping the work and go to the nearest subway station, make sure Wesley Autrey isn?t there, and lay down on the tracks.

  134. +6 votes + -
    straight talker Said:

    yeah, I guess Wayne Brady IS gonna have to choke a bitch. And that bitch is Back Orifice. Back Orifice, I?m not sure if you went to college, but if so, where the fuck were you during English class when they explained the difference between ”your” and the contraction ”you?re”. This isn?t a forum for the hooked on phonics style of writing as you apparently understood. It appears that I was shooting too high when I assumed you were an analyst and were qualified to work on comp sheets for me. Instead, you are slinging penny stocks at a Strong Island boiler room operation, trying to generate two nickels to rub together. In 45 minutes, the bell will ring, and you can go back out to your tricked out 1998 Mazda RX-7 with the tinted windows, Circuit City stereo subwoofer system, and semi-matching red fin on the back, and go pick up your baby mama bitch and her wooly mammoth muff at her nail salon job. Have a great weekend Putz-boy. P.S. Never forget your roots, Smithtown can?t be that bad, can it?

  135. -1 votes + -
    Back Office Said:

    You referenced Boiler Room. Just had to point that out. I apologize to all that I offended with my poor writing. I didn?t take a lot of english classes in college, because I was busy in economics class. However, the fact that you chose to attack my grammatical errors shows your depth and writing skill. What are you going to do when you make the same joke for the twelfth time on this thing? We get it, you like to make Long Island jokes, it?s hilarious, but sorry, I don?t get them because, unlike you, I am not actually from Long Island. And Wayne Brady? Really? Are you that strapped that you need to use jokes from the Chappelle?s Show in 2003? I am sure I can find an old VHS of Richard Pryor somewhere and you can sit in your grandma?s basement and watch it on her wood panelled television and take notes. Then maybe you can come at me with something slightly better than my ten year-old brother can produce.

  136. -3 votes + -
    Back Office Said:

    Oh, and even though my spelling and grammer isn?t all that great, I can calculate the hell out of a stream of cash flows, and would love to debate you some time on discount factors. You probably think DCF means dick cunt fuck, don?t you? I clock real dollars and am proud of it, byotch.

  137. +1 votes + -
    straight talker sucks Said:

    I hate you, and I can guarantee 99% of the world hates you. I hope you die. Go ahead, call me a shtty Bear analyst. Your insults are among the worst I?ve ever read. Try one without ”you?re probably the kind of guy who?” Hahahaha I can?t get over how big of a d-bag you are. You may think YOU?RE happy now but your life sucks and I hope it ends soon.

  138. -1 votes + -
    Sir Larry Said:

    Congratulations on blacklisting yourself from a reputable bank. Since you like smoking cigars, perhaps cock will be a nice alternative.

  139. -1 votes + -
    dogg pound gangsta Said:

    Back orifice, pretty much all you clock are clocks? and spit shine the blinged out clock on your MD?s wrist while you?re at it?

  140. 0 votes + -
    Dean Carney Said:

    How do we feel about Thomas Pink

  141. +4 votes + -
    Moons over my hammy Said:

    $2749 – suit $149 – shirt $5299 – watch $395 – shoes $125 – tie $21 – 12 pack red bull we got us a $8738 douche with wings. Ha

  142. +1 votes + -
    Lumbergh Said:

    Haha, what a dumb, pudgy steer! Who spends that much on a suit and brags about it to the plebian New York Post of all places?

  143. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    chicago fucking blows

  144. -1 votes + -
    Alex Said:

    Well done.

  145. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    glocap chicks are the worst

  146. +7 votes + -
    i PE in my sleep Said:

    Jenna, I have not sunk that low yet! Blimpie, please! Isn?t there something at Quizno?s at least?

  147. +4 votes + -
    amish Said:

    Were not really big on the whole analog thing. Too good, man. Too good.

  148. +4 votes + -
    Frenchie Said:

    French cuffs, very good ! I?m still surpised by american trader wages? I must work in USA?moreover in France there The Return of Socialism?horror isn?t ?

  149. -2 votes + -
    Uncouth Accoutrement Said:

    (100) to the Sellout for not excoriating young Andrew on his pathetic horological tastes. 1. Breitlings are blingy rubbish just a few gold-plate bezel-nubs above a Tag from Costco. 2. The Submariner comes only in black face on steel or in blue face with gold or steel/gold bracelets. Extra points for green 50th anniversary bezel or red face model issued only to Coca-Cola boardmembers. 3. The aforementioned ”white face” Rolex is the Explorer II, and the ”half blue bezel” is the GMT-Master II. In summation: if you want a massive steel sport watch from a legitimate watchmaker, strap on an Audemars Royal Oak Offshore and call me in the morning.

  150. +27 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    thanks but no thanks, this website is for bankers not watchmaking apprentices god the perfect movement on my Franck Muller Conquistador just gave me wood

  151. +5 votes + -
    WestCoast_LBO Said:

    -100 points for using Glocap – TPG does not use them, nor would any top-tier PE firm restrict their recruiting to a lowest common-denominator headhunting group like Glocap. Although I?m sure Glocap would be a great way to land a pretty sweet gig at Accenture or D&T.

  152. 0 votes + -
    vespa Said:

    ’1. Breitlings are blingy rubbish just a few gold-plate bezel-nubs above a Tag from Costco. 2. The Submariner comes only in black face on steel or in blue face with gold or steel/gold bracelets. Extra points for green 50th anniversary bezel or red face model issued only to Coca-Cola boardmembers. 3. The aforementioned white face??? Rolex is the Explorer II, and the half blue bezel??? is the GMT-Master II.” And lets not forget the Rolex Daytona – which also has a white face and is far more difficult to come by? great piece!

  153. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Paul Newman Rolex Daytona. All Audemars watches look like fucking stop signs with a second hand.

  154. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I don?t think anyone consideres the hamptons north of 86th street, whether or not it is at a higher latitude.

  155. -2 votes + -
    CorpLawStudent Said:

    Nice work!

  156. -96 votes + -
    ladyjaye Said:

    ‘Ive bought one or two Ferragamo ties from the outlet (-4 because we dont understand what that last word means).” If this is like it is here in Montreal, then outlet = discount warehouse store where you get the end-of-season (and last season?s) clothes. In other words, he got them on sale.

  157. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I think outlets are where poor people shop, although it is a notch above ebay

  158. +56 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    yeah no shit ladyjaye you fucking idiot.

  159. +2 votes + -
    Preston Wilcox III Said:

    -100 for not revealing the algorithm that led to the 87%/B+. -50 for the Hamptons ”north” comment. Oh, and ladyjaye is either a zen master of subtle humor or a complete tool – odds are it?s the latter?

  160. +25 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Will the fucking Canadians quit posting on this site? The equivalence of a Montreal discount warehouse to an American outlet mall puts me at some level of ”I don?t give a fuck” I can barely comprehend.

  161. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    the blimpie bit really spoilt the show..

  162. -3 votes + -
    shirkey schmilkes Said:

    Give me a fucking break. Add it all up and this jamokey spends more than he makes! I bet his bosses make him buy all the drinks! -D on W 103rd -

  163. +15 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Fyi, at TPG we only smoke individually muled cigars from Cuba, rolled by no one over the age of 7.??? hahahaExcellent!

  164. +8 votes + -
    Do Work Income Fund Said:

    Ditto on the watches. Who wears loafers? Who starches their shirts? Who pays >$2500 for an off-the-rack suit? What legitimate banker buys his own BB for work?

  165. +2 votes + -
    proctor Said:

    How do you get an 87 on any test and end up in banking? I guess thats how he ended up at Bear. Clearly middle market material.

  166. +9 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘At least you wont be lonely at the fat part of the bell curve?” lol Excellent post!

  167. -1 votes + -
    King Smart Ian Said:

    Agree on the Glocap reference being a negative, but ironically the link is to SG Partners, which does the TPG searches, so maybe -0.5 points

  168. +1 votes + -
    No More Canada Said:

    I?ve heard just about enough from people from Canada. Canada is basically the ”outlet store” or ”Duane Reade brand” of the U.S.

  169. -53 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘Thank you very much for your recent application to the Texas-Pacific Group.” The scentence should not read ”THE Texas-Pacific Group”, but: ”Thank you very much for your recent application to Texas-Pacific Group.” Please tidy up your posts before submitting them online.

  170. -3 votes + -
    stuckinmontreal Said:

    One of the better recent posts..priced to perfection. and picking on the Canuck is brilliant. I totally agree that Audemars look like freakin? stop signs BTW?

  171. +55 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Speaking of tidy posts, you just spelled ”sentence” with an extra ”C” you fucking short-bus retard.

  172. -17 votes + -
    models and bottles Said:

    This herb is clearly a commercial banker. He states that a 12 pack of sugar free red bull lasts him two weeks and he drinks 2 a day. By my math assuming 5 business days, you would need 20 red bulls to last 2 weeks. Long LSO, short commercial banker herb, neutral Red Bull here.

  173. +26 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Wow, good work ”models and bottles”, great catch on the math! I guess you didn?t realize the original post ALREADY POINTED THAT OUT? Do you hang out with models because they?re too dumb to realize what an idiot you are?

  174. -21 votes + -
    models and bottles Said:

    Wow, why are you so mad? Maybe it?s because you work at a shitty back office job and live in a 5th floor walkup on 112th Street and can never get in to Tenjune, Pink Elephant and Cain. Don?t worry, maybe you can get into Joshua Tree. Go early though.

  175. -25 votes + -
    Question Said:

    I think some people in this forum may no the answer to this. Please help. Is it possible to enter a bulge bracket firm at the Associate level as a lateral hire if one does not have an MBA?

  176. +1 votes + -
    BSD Said:

    M&B is obviously a commercial banker or a shitty summer intern at wachovia. what self respecting banker only works 5 days a week?

  177. +14 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘models and bottles” – I?m not mad, just pointing out what an idiot you are. It?s funny that when someone calls focus on your painfully inadequate mental facilities you must resort to the fall-back position of citing your job and where you live. It must suck not to have any redeeming qualities like a personality, class, or intelligence. You were obviously picked on a lot in school.

  178. -18 votes + -
    Jamal Said:

    People should just layoff him. Granted, he made a mistake by talking to the media, but the reporter screwed him by changing all his comments. I hear he was talking about what people do in the industry, not himself. Stop picking on this guy to make yourself feel better about your life. Andrew, youre still an idiot for talking to a reporter!

  179. +11 votes + -
    Jeru the Damaja Said:

    Big respect Canada

  180. -16 votes + -
    bigwhereitcounts Said:

    If you?re a banker who needs bottles to pick up models, you?re not much of a man. Or a banker.

  181. +9 votes + -
    WestCoast_LBO Said:

    Pretty sure he?s referring to Excel models?

  182. -19 votes + -
    No More Canada Said:

    Is Canda still considered a country? I thought it is just a place that Americans put things they don?t want, like Hockey, Mullets and Molsen Beer. If its considered a country than, I guess the landfills in Staten Island should be considered cities, and hire mayors

  183. +29 votes + -
    Jeru the Damaja Said:

    Canda is not a coutray brah Canada, however, is

  184. +9 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Great Pic Andrew! If I see you on the streetI?m soooooooooooo robbing you?

  185. -2 votes + -
    CorpLawStudent Said:

    This is f@$%_(*g hilarious. The second read is even funnier than the first. Brilliant!

  186. -11 votes + -
    Blackstone Capital Partners I Said:

    MSRP Breitling Navitimer: $5,270.

  187. -4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    he says only alcohol he drinks are classy hard alcs, but he goes to yogi?s for the $7 pitchers of Bud Ice?I mean they make 40s of that shit best to get a yard of quality beer at the Ginger Man

  188. +29 votes + -
    Alexsy Veyner Said:

    Andrew Cassini, Vassar College?what a douche

  189. -18 votes + -
    what a... Said:

    bunch of pricks you all are?

  190. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I love how we?ve capured ”what a?” at a low point on Friday night, calling us all pricks. Taking out his Excel frustrations on the board because he can?t handle the life of a true banker. I?ll bet you?re from Canada too, you fucking zero.

  191. +19 votes + -
    The Carlyle Group Said:

    To some extent I feel for this kid. I can imagine his comments were taken out of context and the jealous reporter was out to make fun of banking – but that does not excuse talking to a reporter !

  192. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    So why hasn?t anyone bankrupted themselves on bespoke tailoring from Gieves and Hawkes. . . it?s the only way to properly outdo everyone

  193. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    will give you a pass on the earlier post?.good work

  194. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Anonymous at 6:05, you?re wrong. the way to outdo everyone is bespoke Member?s Only. I hear that is THE brand to wear at Cain. a

  195. 0 votes + -
    V Said:

    Please, Breitling or Rolex is okey if you are in high school, except the Paul Newman. Try some VC, Patek or IWC. Hublot or AP if your a trader our just young. Collectable Casio if you are a first-rate quant.

  196. +25 votes + -
    models and bottles is a dumbshit Said:

    Someone found pictures of him: http://photos-995.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v66/116/106/8400009/n8400009_30483995_5908.jpg http://photos-069.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v66/116/106/8400009/n8400009_30484069_1940.jpg http://photos-045.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v66/116/106/8400009/n8400009_30484045_4080.jpg In the last one, notice the ”Spice Girls” poster.

  197. -7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Nice. I think an additional -10 points are warranted. Judging from where he buys his liquor, its unclear if Andrew even lives in Manhattan. (”Theres a good liquor place on 86th Street between Broadway and Amsterdam that I go to every now and then”). Maybe this is where the outlets??? are?

  198. -7 votes + -
    Victor Serge Said:

    You?re all so empty?

  199. -3 votes + -
    CanadianFinance Said:

    I?d rather work for KKR.

  200. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Anonymous at 11:32am: Are you Canadian as well? What?s unclear about 86th and Amsterdam being in Manhattan? If map-reading was a bank, you?d be Wachovia – Charlotte.

  201. -17 votes + -
    Gekko Said:

    I?ve come to the conclusion that maple syrup destroys your sense of sarcasm. America has a retarded growth on its head.. and it?s called Canada. Every now and then when I watch the news and see GWB and think America sucks, all I need to do is look North and smile.

  202. -10 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    You must be saving it all for the book because that was garbage. p.s. Glocap blows.

  203. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Judging from the first picture it looks like this guy does some of his drinking at McSorley?s as well (if I?m not mistaken). They don?t serve a drop of hard liquor in there, but the beer is pretty good.

  204. +5 votes + -
    anon Said:

    don?t knock costco, they sell $30k pateks and iwc?s.

  205. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    How long do you think before this guy is fired for telling a reporter his ”expected” bonus? Especially when it?s clear he used the top end of the range.

  206. -10 votes + -
    Frenchie Said:

    I?m not sure but I have an impression that american and canadian people seems like cat and dog . They hate them, no ?

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