Friday, January 2, 2004

RE: Lehman Brothers Recruiting

Through a Finance Club email, I received word that Lehman Brothers is recruiting juniors for its Investment Banking and Private Equity divisions. I am a graduating senior, but I feel I could offer a great deal as a Lehman intern this summer.

I have read Monkey Business, Liar’s Poker, and When Genius Failed each 3 times and consider them my collective bible. I know I have the eye for perfection and artistic vision to create truly immaculate pitch books. I am a Microsoft Certified in Excel, and I know all the shortcut keys (alt-i then r, that will insert a new row). Furthermore, I consider myself a whiz with numbers. I know I would be able to build robust models and complete precise calculations for Lehman Brothers.

Most importantly, however, I want to stress how willing I am to do “anything for the team.” I realize the possibility of long hours exists in such a position, and I am ready to work as hard as necessary. I have been practicing staring at a computer monitor for extended hours, I can currently sit motionless in front of a screen for 28 hours, and I am improving daily.

I appreciate you taking the time to review my application and hope you indeed “go to bat” for me. Please contact me with any further questions you may have at

Tim Smith

70 comments for this post.

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  1. 0 votes + -
    Not-A-DBag Said:

    I pray that when I become a banker I don?t become a tool like the two guys at the top of the comments.

  2. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    this is hilarious?undoubtedly people have submitted cover letters like this

  3. +2 votes + -
    mksuisse Said:

    Golden?. as someone writing and sending cover letters daily (to all different types of industries? yes, trading and ibanking too) this is a gem. Mayhaps I will take some inspiration out of this.

  4. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    At this point, I don?t know which made me laugh more, the post, or the whole 900 yards of comments about it. And what?s with the bitter pork and beans guy who probably clings to guns and religion?

  5. +6 votes + -
    hedgie Said:

    actually, hedgies win? we smoke the nose hair investors, steal 2 and 20% for doing nothing. then blow it all up,lock it all down and go to the beach.

  6. -4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I can see that all the comments are either by the analysts or associates in banking or consulting? Losers?.go do something good to the society by becoming a doctor?and making more money than any banker or consultant.

  7. -7 votes + -
    anon Said:

    please tell me that this as a cover letter is a joke..this was about the worst thing ive ever read..the person who wrote this must be 19 years old..nothing of any importance was displayed in that cover letter..hopefully, now that hes 4 years older he will read this again and realize what an idiot he was

  8. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I think it?s ”whiz”. ”Wiz” would be like ”taking a wiz”(urinating).

  9. 0 votes + -
    Seoul Man Said:

    This is a pretty funny post, but you people are all losers! One fucking heart attack or colon cancer and you fukers will be begging for more time. No one ever said they should have worked more when they are in their death bed. No go back to work!

  10. -2 votes + -
    Gordon Said:

    LEH is toast.

  11. +6 votes + -
    Dick Fuld Said:

    Would anyone mind if I used this template for my new job search? Best Regards, Dick

  12. -3 votes + -
    PE! Said:

    Lehman HAHAHAH! What kind of bank is that! They are all the same! Crap! Just quit banking and go to PE!

  13. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    PE! most likely does not work in PE. or banking.

  14. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    lol Lehman

  15. -2 votes + -
    PE! Said:

    It?s funny to see how jalous you all are? PE bitch!

  16. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Oh boy, I think we?re same plane – I?m all yours panties minus.

  17. 0 votes + -
    Shorter Said:

    Lehman is out of business! Yes!!!!!!

  18. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Actually they don?t sell pink shirts on Savile Row, you?re thinking Jermyn Street dummy.

  19. +7 votes + -
    Patrick Bateman Said:

    I have to return some video tapes.

  20. -2 votes + -
    Porn Said:

    FUCK YOU Financial crises will fuck you

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