Friday, October 28, 2005

Brick Break My Heart

You’re not sure whether the happiest day of your life was when you received your first glimmer of positive feedback at work (be it but a mildly approving grunt) for well-aligned PowerPoint boxes, or when you found out you had Brick Breaker on your Blackberry—it’s probably the latter. The 34 levels of Arkanoid-style fun make an otherwise excruciating existence almost livable, each ricochet a mini-morphine injection that anesthetizes you from the seemingly endless onslaught of deadlines and profanity-laced orders.

You play it on the 4-5-6, sandwiched between two Hurley-size African-American Jews for Jesus that spray spit on you every time they say “Y’shua.” But you’re oblivious to them; you’re on level 34 for the 3rd time, and you’ve just absorbed the block that gives you guns. You jerk the paddle left and right while tapping away furiously, smiling wickedly as you madly mow down rows of blocks. The level is almost complete, but then, the subway lurches, causing the guy in front of you to lose his balance and knock your head with his hideous, earth-toned canvas messenger bag. You lose a life.

You glare at the perpetrator as if he’s just stolen your first-born. “I WILL TEAR YOUR EYES OUT OF YOUR SKULL,” you want to explode, fantasies of impressing your MD (who actively advertises the fact that he has beat the game 4 times in a row) disintegrating like broken brick. But despite all your rage, all the timid, suburban badass in you can muster is a “Jeez man, I was playing a game.” Your nemesis looks at you, feigning momentary empathy, and then scoffs and returns to discussing the “amazing acoustic encore” at the Death Cab for Cutie concert last night (you’ll look them up on iTunes later).

“Who the hell wears a going-out shirt to work anyway?” you fume. You want to rip off the magic eye patterned button-down and hold it hostage until he recognizes the magnitude of Brick Breaker. You want him to understand the beauty and complexity, the importance of even the slightest angles. “Advertising intern bitch,” you think to yourself, comforted by the thought of him awkwardly balancing a tray of coffee for a roomful of high-strung, over-the-hill nouveau riche yuppies. “Wannabe baller. Probably lives off his parents,” you assure yourself, forgetting that this was you up until about 2 months ago when the bonus check came in.

But more vexing than anything is that you realize that the pansy actually looks happy to be going to work. “What the heck? Who likes going to work?” you contemplate, confused. “Did I make the wrong decision going into finance?” You pause and ponder, glad Brick Breaker gives you a short respite between lives. After a moment of deep reflection, you nearly burst out loud laughing at your idiocy, tickled silly by the image of yourself living on $35,000 a year in some outer borough with minorities. You collect yourself, reasserted, brush off your pants and fondly pinch-sharpen the creases, and make a mental note to send your impeccable resume to Ogilvy & Mather (just so you can reject them).

You play the beloved Break Bricker throughout the day whenever the opportunity arises. You play it during conference calls, half-listening for the right moments to grunt in-between dexterous thumb movements. You play it in the company of peers and the few green enough to be below you, deftly pulling the device from its cozy nook in the small of your back, brandishing it to clarify that you would never deign to give them your undivided attention. And you, of course, play it in the bathroom, often taking unneeded shit breaks and extending the quick ones just to relish in sweet mix of cool porcelain, The Game, and the smell of your own byproduct.

After work, you and your colleagues play it at Sutton Place, intermittently glancing up to check out hot girls. You go home and play it when you’re talking to your parents, friends, and girlfriend. You conduct standard bullshit conversation: “Yeah, work’s fine.” “I’m really jammed up this week.” “My boss is an ass (but I really respect him).” You make noises as if you acknowledge their comments, but you don’t hear their cries of frustration with your stale conversation, poor social skills, and increasingly uninteresting overall personality. You don’t hear your parents asking you to visit sometime. You don’t hear your girlfriend saying she needs more attention. You don’t even hear yourself anymore because all you can focus on is calculating the perfect trajectory to destroy that last bastard block so you can move on to the next level. To hell with them, anyway. You wonder if the version on the black Blackberries is even harder. You’ll find out soon.

36 comments for this post.

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  1. +1 votes + -
    Sameer N. R Said:

    So sad, but so true

  2. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    is there any codes for this game?! Brickbreaker ver. 4.0??? I cant even get close to my co-workers score of 11250 and its pissing me off!!?. MY THUMB HURTS!!

  3. +12 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    The code is up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, b, a, select and then start

  4. +1 votes + -
    Justine Said:

    This game is addictive. I can?t figure out why I like it so much. Maybe it?s just because I have my Crackberry with me nearly all the time?

  5. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    11250? that?s child?s play. i?ve got 25010.

  6. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Brick Breaker is so last quarter, Texas Hold Em?is the new drug of choice.

  7. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Contra Rules!

  8. +4 votes + -
    Nico Said:

    Just beat my old high score of 31820 with this monster game that I?m still playing. So far I?ve been around the block 44 times, my score is 712585, I still have 163 lives left.I just hope I don?t do something stupid to lose this game without record.

  9. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I’m on the same track. My current score is 897175 and I have 416 lives left. I went around the block 12 times without losing a life. Yes, it?s an obsession. did you cross the 1 Million mark yet?

  10. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    how can you get over 15000. the game ends there.

  11. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    are you kidding?. ive got 31050 and i get 25010 like its ntohing

  12. -3 votes + -
    Greg P Said:

    Perhaps someone can help me. I just got my BlackBerry a couple of days ago and do not know how to get to Brick Breaker. I see it exists under the applications description inside Options Icon, but do not know how to get to the game itself. Somebody save me!!!

  13. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    35 levels??! Are you on crack?

  14. -6 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    Do any of you losers ever have sex?

  15. +25 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    sex?.like with our blackberry?

  16. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    This is hilarious but true?I have kept myself entertained over many Subway trips thanks to Brick Breaker. God bless that soul who built it. There use to be this game called Slime Volleyball on the web, which is similarly addictive that got me through work before I got my first crackberry.

  17. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    i love boooooooozzzeeeeeeeeee !!!! =]

  18. -8 votes + -
    Alex Lazor Said:

    i loves blackberry yo!!!!my brick breaker is da shit! i gots me 25000 points son.then jerked off on my blackberry!!! thats phone sexxxxxxxxx

  19. +3 votes + -
    God Said:

    My current score is 57,897,175 and I have 4516 lives left. I hope I don?t die anytime soon because I haven?t eaten or drank anything or even slept for 19 days straight. Incase I do die while doing this, does someone want to continue on my game on my blackberry for me? Who?s down? The handoff might be a bit tricky since I would like to play until my last breath? My MD can?t even look me in the eyes when he talks to me anymore?

  20. -4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    i don?t believe that you have 57 million points bro?.how do you get so many lives? i don?t buy it?lets see a pic?

  21. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    is there truth to a code existing? if so, can someone enter detailed instructions on how to enter it?

  22. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    i need a 12 step program for this game. I?m in recovery for drug addiction and will celebrate 13 years next month. there is no cure for this game and for me that?s agood thing. score today 466,205 with 67 lives and rolling

  23. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    OMFG! Does anyone here have a life? Besides phone sex.

  24. -2 votes + -
    Wielgoleski Said:

    After clearing all 34 levels the third time, the game never speeds up?it is easy to get hundreds of lives and ”as high as you want” scoring. I gave it up after beating level 34 three times. P.S. I never played the game for more than an hour at a time?I did have a normal life inbetween.

  25. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Okay, I?m hooked too. However, I keep running into the problem where, when the upper bricks descend a half a brick or so, leaving a little space above them, when I shoot the ball up there it disappears and never comes back. Does this happen to anyone else????

  26. 0 votes + -
    Joey Said:

    Lol i play brickbreaker all the time but i never got past the 16 lvl and my high score is like 10370 lol its fucking hard i dont see how you beat the 16 lvl without loosing a few lives =[ i think i depends on what the bonus gives u!

  27. 0 votes + -
    doppelganger Said:

    New fucking post

  28. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    469,280/113 lives. Someone mentioned after the third time through it doesn?t speed up. Actually it?s through twice. The bricks so still come down quicker but the ball doesn?t speed up like it does the second time through, so dealing with bricks on top of you isn?t such a big deal. I am playing until a million out of principal but the game isn?t fun once you bust the second go round. I read somewhere of a new version with 68 or 72 levels or something like that. Anyone confirm?

  29. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Oh, and the 57 mil post, while possible, isn?t believable. It?s bad enough we play into the hundreds of thousands and beyond. I don?t buy anyone playing into the tens of millions. It?s beyond ”get a life” at that point. Not to mention the time it would take to get there. I?ve been working on half a million for a month.

  30. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Once you get past level 34 for the second time, the game gets easy. My score is currently 1,134,570 and I have 313 lives left. Does this game ever end?

  31. 0 votes + -
    I stay SMH Said:

    Man, if only i could get past 16. sheesh! i skipped a couple worlds once by accident and have NO clue how i did it.

  32. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    How the hell do you beat lvl 16?? please help!!!!!

  33. +1 votes + -
    LOU Said:

    I got up to 600,000 points with 137 lives and then the ball flew off the screen. do u have to restart the game when that happens or is there someway to save the game?

  34. -2 votes + -
    johny bravo Said:

    I?m hooked also. I haven?t reached over a score of 10k. That?s okay though because sex is better and I have a life. However booyah to the brick breaker inventor and good gaming to crack berry brick breaker gamers.

  35. 0 votes + -
    Lumbergh Said:

    Sex is only slightly better than Brick Breaker. Sometimes I prefer Brick Breaker. And cutting my wrists.

  36. +4 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    I worked with this majorly douchey analyst who somehow landed this smoking hot chick that was way out of his league. I?m talking this girl was a 10 and he had a comb over. She dumped him because he wouldn?t stop playing Brick Breaker to have sex with her. But I gotta say man, I understand.

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