Eliot –

Sorry about the delay here–given the current climate, they’ve got me out “managing a portfolio company,” and I’ve been a bit tied up. Sitting in a conference room in the middle of Toronto with a dry erase market pressed firmly to my eyeball, I feel eerily like a strategy consultant. Devastating.

Anyway, sucks about this whole thing. I also toyed with Emperor’s Club V.I.P. briefly, but my 7 diamond girl refused to even accept payment. She actually said she was “indebted” to me for the experience. Your girl Kristie ever say any creepy sht like that to you?

Big picture–I wouldn’t stress it all too much. You’ve got no enemies, and obviously no fellow Tiger is going to stress about it. So, unless you’re going to be out there prosecuting yourself, I’m sure this will just be another minor, overlooked infraction. A lil smudge on your resume, like underage alcohol posession or public urination. Next to your perfect LSAT, it’ll be nbd.

And I know you and Wall Street have had your differences in the past, but we really appreciate you keeping a tight lip on this one. So if people start asking questions, please don’t mention me, Lloyd, or Clients #10-#15,000.

For future reference, you may also consider the highly exclusive West Garden Spa on W.30th St. It’s conveniently located right next door to a police station.

Best,
Client #8
P’05

Update: Just heard you resigned. You ever thought about PE? With the right cover letter, I think you could be a strong fit.

Leveraged Sell-Out has been temporarily on hiatus as work on the epic DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A BANKER was completed. The book will be released on May 6 Aug 5, 2008, and initial reviews are mixed. The Times says: “from a literary perspective, this book makes Monkey Business look like The Brothers Karamazov.” One graduating Penn State student, however, read only the preface immediately landed a job as a portfolio manager at Citadel. You decide.

This website will now resume a more regular posting schedule and updates on the book will follow.