Friday, January 2, 2004
RE: Lehman Brothers Recruiting
Through a Finance Club email, I received word that Lehman Brothers is recruiting juniors for its Investment Banking and Private Equity divisions. I am a graduating senior, but I feel I could offer a great deal as a Lehman intern this summer.
I have read Monkey Business, Liar’s Poker, and When Genius Failed each 3 times and consider them my collective bible. I know I have the eye for perfection and artistic vision to create truly immaculate pitch books. I am a Microsoft Certified in Excel, and I know all the shortcut keys (alt-i then r, that will insert a new row). Furthermore, I consider myself a whiz with numbers. I know I would be able to build robust models and complete precise calculations for Lehman Brothers.
Most importantly, however, I want to stress how willing I am to do “anything for the team.” I realize the possibility of long hours exists in such a position, and I am ready to work as hard as necessary. I have been practicing staring at a computer monitor for extended hours, I can currently sit motionless in front of a screen for 28 hours, and I am improving daily.
I appreciate you taking the time to review my application and hope you indeed “go to bat” for me. Please contact me with any further questions you may have at timsmith@ameritrade.com.
Sincerely,
Tim Smith
February 28th, 2006 at 11:42 pm
it?s spelled ”wiz” – not ”whiz.”
March 1st, 2006 at 5:59 am
no. actually ”whiz” is correct.
March 4th, 2006 at 2:54 pm
IDIOT. WIZ = SHORT FOR WIZARD. WITHOUT ATTENTION TO DETAIL, YOU WILL NEVER MAKE IT AS A CORPFIN ANALYST.
March 6th, 2006 at 9:21 pm
how about you don?t talk until you learn what is actually correct. Just go on Word and type ”wiz” and ”whiz” and run the thesaurus on both – ”wiz” comes up with nothing, while ”whiz” comes up with ”expert”, ”genius”, and ”whiz kid” Make you sure know what you are talking about before you just start talking, or else your MD won?t let you in on the conference calls anymore.
March 28th, 2006 at 9:57 pm
Im going to take a wiz on your face!
April 13th, 2006 at 2:36 pm
holy christ. I just about died
May 4th, 2006 at 7:36 pm
In Philly, we put ”whiz” on our steaks
May 28th, 2006 at 12:00 am
You?re a Wharton bitch. So am I, Wharton bitch II
May 31st, 2006 at 2:13 pm
Go back to eating cheese wiz, hick
June 16th, 2006 at 9:42 pm
F7 – spell check Try Sales instead of Corp. Fin
July 25th, 2006 at 11:27 am
You are all douchebags. Shut up, who gives a shit? I will whiz on all your faces
August 3rd, 2006 at 9:40 pm
More importantly, it?s ”I appreciate YOUR taking the time?”. Funny stuff, decent writing, but the most common and egregious grammatical error that exists. You still doing good though.
August 23rd, 2006 at 8:04 am
actually, dumbass ”you taking the time” is perfectly acceptable. It?s the implied ”act of”, as in: ”I appreciate [the act of] you taking the time to review” or I appreciate your [act of] taking the time to review.” Either is acceptable. So bottom line, SHUT THE FUCK UP! You?re still doing well though.
August 24th, 2006 at 9:30 pm
Awesome. -Wharton Bitch III
August 25th, 2006 at 6:10 am
I am gay. -Wharton Bitch IV
October 7th, 2006 at 4:05 pm
‘I am a Microsoft Certified in Excel” taht si realy godo atention ot detail!!! But, I did find the email entertaining.
November 10th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
wow?u two with the whole whiz/wiz thing?.are fuckin losers?
December 1st, 2006 at 3:32 pm
I went to a public school, studied half as hard, paid half as much, and have the same job. BITCHES!
December 13th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
but ur still an i-banking bitch congrats!
December 20th, 2006 at 9:57 am
You all need to grow up or none of you will make it to the the PE world children.
December 29th, 2006 at 9:57 am
God I want a steak from Gino?s for lunch. Whiz/with homeboy.
December 30th, 2006 at 12:26 am
loser
January 3rd, 2007 at 4:10 am
‘you” is not ok. ”taking” is a gerund, that is the noun form of the verb. a noun requires the possesive ”your.”
January 4th, 2007 at 6:27 am
Do you know if lehman brothers is recruting janitors for it?s investment banking and private equity divisions?
January 4th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
I fart in your general direction
January 6th, 2007 at 1:55 am
Wharton Bitches – of course you ”paid half as much” – get paid half as much, that is, BITCH. Maybe you should go back to watching Lou Dobbs
January 9th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Your comments all make this site worth viewing??thanks to each and every one of you!!
January 11th, 2007 at 12:42 am
Go back to watching Lou Dobbs? That is the funniest shit I?ve heard in a while?well done.
February 5th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
‘Paid half as much” that just means that you are poor and we are better than you because we are not. Who is the bitch now?
February 6th, 2007 at 3:25 am
did someone just say she?s gay?
February 9th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
I am gay.
February 14th, 2007 at 3:58 am
Get a fucking life. How the fuck are you all proud of the fact that you?re lame and boring slaves with a lot of money but nothing to do with it.
February 14th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
I can?t believe how bigoted some people are.
February 27th, 2007 at 1:19 am
it?s really funny how ibankers are so arrogant and proud to be working 100+ hours/week to be paid as much as a trader for example that works 40 or 50 hours/week. it?s comforting though, knowing that only ibankers respect ibankers and ibankers only respect ibankers. go ahead rip me anew one with that tongue- twister?
March 7th, 2007 at 7:25 am
Fuck u loser I bankers..god..its all abt trading ?.thats where the big playas make the big money..i mean everyone knows who rocked New York and London when the bonuses were announced..it definitely wasn?t the cube monkey in the i banking dept?Fuck yeah Traders?Masters of the Universe !!!!!!!!!!! Fuck Yeah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 7th, 2007 at 8:03 am
SIR, I CONCUR? S&T > IBD?
March 8th, 2007 at 11:34 pm
dude this website is awesome?
March 11th, 2007 at 3:46 am
this website is for lame guys that no girl would even give the time of day to if it wasn?t for their lame ”banker” status. but dont worry dudes, you?re cool?haha
May 21st, 2007 at 4:35 pm
well, i wanted to be an ibanker once? so i interned? ended up in tech support, GAY. but hey? at least now i know that i DONT want to work 100 hours a week.
May 30th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
i am so god damn happy i work in an industry that has NOTHING to do whatsover with money/bond/stock trading. the worst industry on earth. i would rather die broke under a highway overpass in houston than work one single hour for any of those clowns. all i can do is laugh heartily inside whenever someone i meet or know (even close friends) opens their mouths to talk about this business. then, when they quit blathering about whatever bullshit flavor-of-the-month commodity is hot, i silently smile, knowing the fountain of horseshit is temporarily quelled. i seriously have more intellectual respect for vapid brazilian models who complain about what kind of bottled sparkling water a restaurant serves. a complete and total financial collapse of the entire american banking sector would actually cure my insomnia. i would sleep soundly for months knowing that every jackass with a pink saville row shirt and an SLR was eating pork and beans alone out of a can after his wife (who was cheating on him anyway) left in a flurry of psychotic screaming about his newfound worthlessness. die in a fire, all of you.
June 1st, 2007 at 11:59 pm
I hear corn and soybean futures are hot. Don?t worry I dump the pork and beans out of the can before I eat them?
June 20th, 2007 at 10:09 am
Whiz and wiz are actually both correct according to Google. They mean the same thing.
July 22nd, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Holy shit?I?ve read a lot of idiotic posts and websites before, but this one takes the cake.
August 2nd, 2007 at 1:19 am
what a dumbass who lives in Googleality?
September 15th, 2007 at 11:15 am
wow ? i read through them all ? I must really have nothing to do ?
October 11th, 2007 at 4:04 am
Interesting stuffs on here?
October 11th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
did he get hired? i really wanna know i?m going to email him
October 25th, 2007 at 5:08 am
sad dude. what makes him think that sticking around in the office sitting motionless for 28 hours is gonna win lehman?s any deals
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:51 pm
i?m the fucking MAN, and you all should know it
May 7th, 2008 at 4:03 am
You fucking yank wanks are so stupid.