Friday, November 21, 2008
Study shows upwards of 80% of hedge fund employees never actually knew what the word “hedge” meant
Chicago, IL—A recent study conducted by the Gallop Group showed that of 5,000 hedge fund employees surveyed during 2006-2007, 83% of respondents were unable to correctly define the word “hedge.”
“It’s just like, you know, part of the title” said one trader confidently. “Another way of saying ‘badass’ fund or ‘rockstar’ fund.” “My Range Rover is hedge,” he insisted, as if to corroborate. Other responses were equally absurd, ranging from “a Greek word” to “some Jewish dude’s last name.”
When told that hedging involved systematically eliminating risk, most subjects just stared ahead blankly. Others checked the time. Several respondents were able to eventually grasp the concept, but they found it quite novel. “Ohhh…you mean that…” said the portfolio manager of a $500M fund, as if a light bulb had gone off inside his head. He then added: “Yeah, we didn’t do that shit at all.”
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November 21st, 2008 at 1:43 pm
this reminds me of a particular monkey in the operations department of my former employer - he loved to use the word ‘leverage’ and ‘de-leverage’ - he thought it was an intelligent way to say ‘buy’ and ’sell’…so back office…
November 21st, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Hedge actually isn’t related to risk at all. It is called a hedge fund, because there are barriers to get into the fund, thus “hedges” (shrubs) that seperate you from the elite.
November 21st, 2008 at 2:44 pm
John, you are not funny if you are trying to be. Hell, I practice law, and even I can tell that you’re a a poser douche.
November 21st, 2008 at 3:08 pm
No way to hedge against a Wideclops
November 21st, 2008 at 3:22 pm
“No way to hedge against a Wideclops” … brilliant
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:14 am
hilarious. so true. like when my buddy dave rolls up in his aston-martin, we’re like, “damn, that sh*t is hedged-up”. or when I steps up in the place w/ a dime on my arm, my boys are like, “sh*t dude, that bi*ch is hedged-out. do work son!”.
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Hahah this is hilarious….keep them coming
November 23rd, 2008 at 11:22 am
yo stop player hating. - Ken Griffin
November 23rd, 2008 at 5:39 pm
I raised me a fund so I could afford snare traps to catch me some varmit for dinner. When me done caught more hedge hogs than most me call it “Hedge Fund.”
November 24th, 2008 at 1:14 am
leveraged mutual funds caught with their pants down indeed.
November 24th, 2008 at 9:34 am
“Some Jewish Dude’s last name” that’s a riot. I’d like to wrastle around with Rajun Cajun and put him in a hedge lock.
November 25th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Any out of work bankers need a place to sleep?
November 26th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Tell me again how you hedge against systematic risk?
Jackasses…