Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Ghana unveils $14 economic stimulus plan
Accra, Ghana—To help their countries weather the current financial storm, nations such as the United States and China have created large economic stimulus packages of $700B and $586B, respectively. And now the The Republic of Ghana will be joining their ranks with a newly approved plan of a staggering $14.
The package, which amounts to approximately 10% of Ghana’s GDP, will focus on increasing consumer spending but also target infrastructure through tax breaks, primarily on purchases of donkeys for transportation, as well as shovels, plows, and other equipment on the cutting edge of Ghanaian farming technology.
“This is a bold move,” said Kwame Armah-Attoh, a locally-based economist at Citigroup, referring to the sheer magnitude of the stimulus package vs. the present size of the economy. “Very aggressive,” he added, swatting away a swarm of flies from his face.
“We are set on keeping The Ghanaian Dream alive,” said President John Kufuor, likening his project to the New Deal. Kufuor was confident that the $14, less than a vodka-soda at The Gansevoort Hotel, would breathe life into his country’s economy and catapult it into G20: “From the dust,” he insisted grandly and without irony, “Ghana will emerge an economic powerhouse.”
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» Banker of the Year: You
November 12th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Wow, this is horrible. It doesn’t even make any sense this time. I don’t even want to know how you came up with 14 dollars.
Sorry, this is well below your potential. I enjoyed the prior news updates, but this one blows.
November 12th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
This is not true! $14 representing 10% of GDP? The country generates, at the minimum $4bn from Oil, and that is less than 1% of it’s GDP.
November 12th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
This is the funniest mini article I’ve seen you post.
November 12th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
really?
November 12th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Duee this shit is an insult .. Take it out. fukcer ..
November 12th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
These mini articles have been absolutely hilarious. I especially enjoy the dog named bonus and banker rich.
November 12th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
haha awesome
November 12th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
I think this is a fairly accurate portrayal of Ghana’s economic girth. Well done. Except you forgot the part where the President of Ghana spent the whole $14 on a vodka-soda at The Gansevoort Hotel. He got an employee discount.
November 13th, 2008 at 10:51 am
This whole article would be way funnier if it was a slightly less absurd number than 14. Even like 14,000 would do
November 13th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Weak, not even funny racisim, just weak. It is a shame really because you use to be quite funny
November 13th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
To whoever said, “This is not true! $14 representing 10% of GDP? The country generates, at the minimum $4bn from Oil, and that is less than 1% of it’s GDP.”:
I’d put my last two bonuses up on the premise that you’ve never been laid.
November 13th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Ghana should have used that capital to buy Lehman, Bear and Iceland.
This post was so retail.
November 13th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
you’d put it up on the “premise” that he’s never been laid…really, premise? don’t use words above your league, son…and you can keep your $15K.
November 13th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Guy above me - nothing ventured , nothing gained
November 13th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Yea, as well as not being laid, must be very dumb indeed. I looked that shit up and the nominal GDP is a paltry 15 billion. Piss-poor indeed.
November 13th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
elitism is funny, but there is nothing funny about starving people in third world countries. grow up, you aren’t in high school anymore.
November 13th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
I’m afraid you left off five zeros. The actual amount of their stimulus was $1,400,000.
November 14th, 2008 at 2:59 am
“I’d put my last two bonuses up on the premise that you’ve never been laid.”
You hear that, guy? You just got offered 15% of Ghana’s GDP!
November 14th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Good one, had this been posted on Xanga you would’ve received 2 Eprops.
November 14th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Good post.
I love it when people don’t realize when they are being made fun of. It appears the point of this post flies over the head of a lot of the readers.
November 14th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
I wanted to forward this to my boss. Then I figured he’d call me a racist.
November 14th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
I work at Citi and am focused on EMEA it’s still better than equities in Dallas.
November 16th, 2008 at 1:33 am
I work at 7Eleven, and get paid more than you unempolyed Bankers that used to come in for over priced Red Bulls. I also get more laid that you. In addition, I am originally from ghana and our economy is bigger your overleveraged economy. p.s. my manhood is bigger than yours
November 16th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Excellent post! Keep these mini-updates coming. Ignore all the negative comments.
November 17th, 2008 at 12:52 am
hahha this was real funny…def feelin this…I’m from Ghana but I can appreciate the humor especially at the times we live in…keep em coming
November 17th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Yeah hey i’m from Ghana too and this was reallly funny, almost as funny as that one time i was in the subway and i said excuse me sir you’re standing on my dick and he said yes i know….
November 18th, 2008 at 8:35 am
FUNNY
November 18th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
$14 is an insult. Otherwise keep these mini articles coming.
November 19th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Not insulting, not rasist, but just not funny.
November 19th, 2008 at 10:30 am
wow, you are a moron
November 19th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
retail or no tail, congratulations on your oversized manhood and it’s lack of use due to its incompatibility with most females (I hope you have big hands) and your lack of income.
November 20th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Here’s how they finance it:
HELLO TO YOU GOOD SIR
I AM WRITEING TO HELPING YOU WITH TRANSFER MONEY. I AM CROWN ROYAL PRINCE OF THE GHANA, AND I NEED YOUR HELPING TO MOVE SECRET HIDDEN ASSETS INTO THE UNITED STATES. IN RETURN FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE I WILL GIVE YOU 10 PER CENT OF THE MONEY FOR YOUR HELPING, WHICH IS 2.2 MILLION DOLLAR AMERICANS.
PLEASE SENDING ME YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT NUMBER AND BANK ROUTING NUMBER. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU.
November 21st, 2008 at 12:18 pm
This is so stupid.
November 21st, 2008 at 7:47 pm
damn it felt so good to be short. Bentleys for everybody!!!
November 24th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Pushin’ the envelope here. Funny, but possibly racist, if not insensitive. As citi gets bailed out today, not too sure our economy is anything to back your confidence up. You also forgot that the 14 dollar vodka soda at The Gansevoort Hotel comes with a free hand job from the blonde jersey trash across the bar.
November 24th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
So what’s funny about this? I don’t get it.
November 24th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Best one yet. Outstanding.
Everyone else needs to look up the word “satire”. Pull out that dusty dictionary… Start with “S”, then look for “A” etc… If you can’t sort it out, please refer to your 2nd grade teacher.
Alternatively simply type “define satire” in google. I’ve heard there’s this crazy thing called the internet… maybe it can help?
PS, I think Ghana’s GDP is closer to $7 now that everyone is bailing on developing countries. See falling market prices for verification.