Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Benefit Crashers

(New York, NY)

Earlier this week at a mid-sized private equity firm, Jeremy walked into Gopal’s office and slapped a printout down on his keyboard, disrupting an intense modeling session.

“What the fuck, son?” Gopal reacted, irritated, hastily Ctrl-Z’ing.

Jeremy stood in front of Gopal, motioning eagerly with his eyes and chin down to the piece of paper he’d just presented. Gopal stared at him, infuriated, but Jeremy continued—up and down until Gopal finally gave in and picked it up.

It was a flyer, Fall-themed, with illustrated leaves of changing color and martini glasses. The headline read: “Emerging | Education | Equality – E3 Fall Benefit at Marquee on Sept. 19th.”

Gopal looked up from the flyer to see Jeremy smiling ear to ear, enthusiastically. Jeremy had already started bobbing his head to an imaginary beat and was bursting, just waiting for Gopal to react and share in his excitement.

And after a moment, Gopal did respond: “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

Jeremy recoiled, stung and perplexed by the unfounded rejection. This was the second life-changing, Western proposal to which his backwards Indian friend had responded with disbelief and denial. The first was Christianity.

“Gonna be a sick benny!” Jeremy insisted. “The start of a new season!” The imaginary beat reemerged and Jeremy started thinking back to last year and before, when he and Gopal had hit every benefit humanly possible. They had helped fund causes ranging from a breast cancer clinic in Ohio to a school for the blind in Penang. They had personally stopped genocide in Bolivia.

The duo took pause as the clips from past benefits flowed over them in a series of waves: girl after girl after girl. A testament to the females who run and attend benefits, the professions of the ladies Jeremy and Gopal took down read like a Career Guide for Women from the early 1900’s: schoolteacher, secretary…homemaker.

Both guys were green to the city, but with a navy blazer with gold buttons, a 6:1 girl/ guy ratio, and the shared goal of world-saving, it seemed almost impossible for them not to succeed. Gopal and Jeremy just spread their arms, leaned back, and fell. And somehow, they’d end up in their Ikea MALM beds holding some dinner for two voucher with a girl or three by their side. As easy as a trust fall at an MBA orientation retreat, without the weird Wharton dudes grabbing at their balls.

They sighed in unison—they did so much good in so little time.

Reluctantly, Gopal snapped back to reality. Shaking his head, he couldn’t believe what they were even thinking about: “Bro. The fucking economy is falling apart. Lehman just went bankrupt, Merrill got acquired by fucking BofA—BoafA, dude.”

“It’s like fucking Target just acquired Neiman Marcus, and you are coming to my desk talking about some random benefit? This is not 2006!”

Still, Jeremy was oblivious, doing a light version of the rowing dance he called “The Erg,” mouthing “Buy Side, bitches!” repeatedly to himself.

“Are you aware of the state of the current financial markets?!” Gopal continued, incredulous.

“Open bar, man!” Jeremy encouraged, loud enough that it finally managed to irritate Matt, Gopal’s timid, Korean officemate.

Jeremy dropped to a hushed, library voice, and coaxed: “Silent auction…”

He took over Gopal’s computer and loaded up the Facebook invite for the event. They both drooled, browsing through screen after screen of smiley, tanning-saloned girls. Gopal and Jeremy’s luck with the ladies historically tracked the S&P 500, so needless to say, things had been tough recently. Jeremy took on a more serious tone.

“Look—we work in private equity, but we haven’t done a real deal in over 10 months. Doing a deal is like sex for me right now—I know it was good, but I have no idea what the fuck it felt like.” Gopal nodded in agreement, hiding the fact that he had never actually known what sex felt like.

“And if I go to another industry conference, it’s over man—I’ll kill myself.”

Jeremy paused and stared Gopal directly in the eyes. “You need this,” he coached. Jeremy then motioned back and forth between his own nipples: “We need this.”

He grabbed a family photo from Matt’s desk and displaying it like a piece of evidence, pointed to the face of a small Asian child, presumably Matt’s little brother. Nodding somberly, Jeremy concluded: “The kids need this.”

Gopal, now alternating between looking at the picture of a 4 year old Asian boy and the Facebook invite packed with attractive girls, finally caved. “You’re right.”

Matt snatched back and replaced the framed photo on his desk. His family members were not, in fact, North Korean refugees, as Jeremy constantly insisted (NoKo!); the photo had been taken by a boutique photographer in Brookline.

But that was besides the point. Jeremy and Gopal were now gaping, nested deep in the party pics of one of the hottest girls attending the event. They did a silent fist pound and mouthed back to one another: “The kids.”

$$$

While a few might still be planning on saving “the kids,” most of Wall Street is pretty concerned with just saving itself. Over 150,000 Bankers have lost their jobs, the markets are completely chaotic, and there is no end to this downturn in sight. As Peter G. Peterson , 82 year old co-founder of The Blackstone Group, eloquently put it: “This is a complete clusterfuck.”

The effects of this crisis are numerous and spread into myriad sectors: retail, housing, et.al. But, in typical local-minded fashion, most analysts and reporters have completely neglected the impact on Benefit Season. When you put 150,000 bankers out of a job, the people most significantly affected are not the bankers themselves or even the citizens of our country. No, it’s the poor children of developing nations who suffer the most—the kids.

The reason is simple: every year, the benefit circuit targeted at young professionals generates millions of dollars in philanthropic funds. A single event can generate up to $100,000, and they occur all the time. Classic trickle-down economics. For the attendees, 98% of whom work in finance, it’s a welcome change of pace from the traditional club scene and a small penance for the sins of everyday life. For the children of the Third World, it’s everything.

We spoke with Bibi Muburi, head of a children’s education center in Kinshasa funded 100% through events held in New York City. The facility is uber-modern and entirely glass; every student has his own Quad-Core Mac Pro. A proud women in traditional African clothes and headdress, she proudly calls them “The Harvard-Westlake of the Congo.” And every time after saying this, she brushes her shoulders off.

But what will happen when the funds from these benefits suddenly disappears?

Jose Madinya, an 18 year old in Ecuador who will soon be matriculating at Yale University got his start through program funded by a similar non-profit, and his community is acutely aware of the tenuous dynamic of the situation. As he spoke, sheer emotion overcame his otherwise flawless English, and his accent broke through. “This weekend, our entire village stayed up all night praying someone would buy the Lehman Brothers.” Candle-lit midnight vigils like these were not uncommon in rural enclaves across the globe; it was a rational thought—that God might listen to the poor just once, so the rich could stay rich. But, alas, even that didn’t work. Jose shook his head as he looked over at his youngest sibling, a 14-year old boy reading the Cliff’s Notes to 100 Years of Solitude. He pointed at him in disgust: “Now, he will be like this forever.”

Already, New York City non-profits are changing gears, and to address those in the direst need, they are organizing benefits for Bankers themselves. “Save Wall Street’s Finest—A Wounded Warrior Tribute.” “Hipsters for Bankers: A Food, Wine and Spirit Tasting Event,” and “Midtown Ambassadors: International Banker Compassion Ball.” As the focus shifts to solving our domestic problems and less and less money gets sent abroad, Jose, Bibi, and others across the world will echo a common sentiment: it’s always the kids that lose.

$$$

Gopal and Jeremy stood in line at the benefit, positioning themselves to see which one of their many strategies was best fit to avoid paying admission in this particular situation. As per usual, the line was packed with cute girls and other young finance-looking types, but unlike other times, almost all the other guys appeared to be devising their own methods of sneaking in.

“You’re all amateurs!” Jeremy boomed over the line, raising both hands in the air and individually pointing out lame looking guys with fake bracelets or those trying to rub stamps from other people’s hands onto their own. Somewhere in Ecuador, Jose cried a silent tear.

As the line inched forward and Jeremy and Gopal prepared to make their move through a back entrance, a young Jewish girl in a blue sun dress got up from behind the table where the tickets were sold. Gopal and Jeremy knew her well—Emily Cohen, a veteran in the benefit scene. She was a petite girl with a fiery spirit, brought in to various, completely unrelated benefits purely as an enforcer. She was a legend, one of the toughest obstacles in benefit crashing.

Emily got up from her seat. Standing on 4-inch heels and rocking her DVF dress like it was bulletproof, her voice echoed out onto 10th avenue. “This is the last time I’m fucking saying it!” she commanded. And in a grandiose gesture, she held up a green AMEX in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other. Her words pierced the air and souls of everyone in line:

“We are not accepting Lehman Brothers Corporate Cards.”

And then, she cut the card in half.


173 comments for this post.

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  1. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Short LSO

  2. -2 votes + -
    west coast bnkr Said:

    first! Good stuff. Will the take a GS or MS card?

  3. -2 votes + -
    Cock Said:

    FIRST ONE Nice!

  4. 0 votes + -
    Dan Said:

    Classic

  5. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    First Won?t someone please think of the children?

  6. -2 votes + -
    Zack Said:

    Brilliant.

  7. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    First post? Woo-hoo, first post! I?d like to dedicate this first post to the kids.

  8. -2 votes + -
    Merrill Banker Said:

    Merrill Lynch FTW!

  9. -2 votes + -
    Scared M&A Intern Said:

    First bitches! Nice post?i thought only unshaven armpit hippie type chicks attend these functions. Good place to pick up a sugarmamma/ milf would you say? (a brothers got to eat)

  10. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ?The first was Christianity? was classic. This was one of your better recent posts.

  11. +2 votes + -
    To Any/All Lawyers Said:

    I?m sure you Cooley Law school kids are happy at this moment with Bankers taking a kick in the crotch. But once again you show your liberal arts background through your comments. If these banks do fail, who will your big law firms have as clients now? You see, it trickles down. We go down, so do you. You will have lost about 30-40% of your clientele, and guess what that means Philosophy major? Layoffs, thats right prepare to become a public defender douchebag!

  12. +2 votes + -
    Balls Said:

    None of you had first post FAIL I?m dropping out of the CFA now

  13. -1 votes + -
    PE Said:

    haha awesome

  14. -4 votes + -
    RoboticSurgeon Said:

    Come on everyone, shouldnt you stop chatting on the internet and get back to work Ooops, sorry bout that. Oh well, we all knew your careers were unsustainable. Its just hard to feel sorry for you considering all of your arrogance and entitlement.

  15. +1 votes + -
    Chillin in Muskoka Said:

    Good.. but far from your best work. look who?s laughing now bitches. WE ARE.. on Bay St, aka the NEW Wall St. very, very sad your funding model broke down guys. time to hustle for access to some kind of deep deposit base. maybe First Fifth is looking, HA! we already went about this 10yrs ago in Canada, poor suckers. our banks are going to come out of this as some of the best capitalized institutions in the world. And in 5yrs when there is no oil or fresh water left you will protect us from China, but it will be Bay St. reaping the rewards. Later suckers

  16. +3 votes + -
    Old Jokes Said:

    Ok the next person to say ?How does it feel to be a banker now??? should be banned from LSO. Seriously look at any comment board lately and that exact comment has been made 15x.

  17. 0 votes + -
    Nick Said:

    No work for 3 days, beginning merger LSO with reality?.

  18. -1 votes + -
    dimos44 Said:

    This is the last time Im fucking saying it!??? she commanded. We are not accepting Lehman Brothers Corporate Cards.??? And then, she cut the card in half. Brutally funny?

  19. -2 votes + -
    FCCR Said:

    Feels good to be at a PE fund that is flush with cash?..I wasn?t even aware the economy was tanking until I read this.

  20. +5 votes + -
    Lawgirl Said:

    Pretty fucking sad FCCR that you?re running a PE shop with no knowledge of our economy. Hope you?re investing your clients? money on some startup ducttape marketing coach racket.

  21. -5 votes + -
    Biglaw Man Said:

    ?If these banks do fail, who will your big law firms have as clients now? You see, it trickles down. We go down, so do you. You will have lost about 30-40% of your clientele, and guess what that means Philosophy major? Layoffs, thats right prepare to become a public defender douchebag!? No wonder you bankers got axed. I guess we?ll see huge layoffs at biglaw firms like we did during the .com bust right? Oh wait, we didn?t see huge layoffs. Unlike banks law firms diversify their practices so when one is hurting (M&A) others are thriving (Bankruptcy, Litigation). I?ll keep my job and 240k/yr salary?enjoy the job hunting.

  22. -2 votes + -
    Silicon Valley Said:

    This is what happens to you finance types who have no discernible true skill. The tech world is still growing and engineers? salaries still rising.

  23. 0 votes + -
    Damn it! Said:

    I guess it is finally time to use those CFA Level III books as fuel for the fireplace. God damn, it sucks to be a banker!

  24. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    the worst of it is that bankers have neither looks nor charm. it?ll be a full business cycle before you banker boys ever get laid again.

  25. -1 votes + -
    Fellow Crasher Said:

    Let?s be from Vermont and let?s have an emerging maple syrup conglomerate. It?s the first quarter of the big game and you want to toss up a Hail Mary! I?d like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it?s not Halloween! Grow up, Peter Pan! Count Chocula!

  26. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I?m so high, I don?t even know who my own name was!

  27. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Right, ?Silicon Valley? and ?poor grad student?, is that why all you propeller heads abandon your Physics texts and deluge hedge funds w/ your resumes? The only funding your ?math and science? programs get is from Jim Simons, bitch. You don?t know the name, look it up. ?BigLaw?: if you are really in Big Law, then you know well that high finance is what makes your world go ?round. It?s the only reason you over-billing leetches who feed off the lifeblood of capitalism exist. Soon that freshly-slain carcass you feed from will decay, and you too will wither and die. Bankruptcy and litigation alone will not sustain your useless, free-loading profession. Hey ?Chillin in Muskoka?, I didn?t even know Canada had banks. I guess somebody?s got to take care of Bombardier and those two potash companies you have up there. You guys are even more useless than the American BigLaws. I?m amazed that despite a massive reorganization of the American financial system, you losers still have envy oozing out of your ass. Even those who?ve lost every cent of equity they held in their firms still have enough cash to eat you for breakfast and shit you back out to Toronto before lunch.

  28. +1 votes + -
    Engel Said:

    College!!!!!!!

  29. -4 votes + -
    not a finance major Said:

    hope all you finance majors end up as general managers of your local walmarts. time for people with real degrees to take over.

  30. 0 votes + -
    The Man with No Name Said:

    NoKo baby, NOKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  31. 0 votes + -
    consultant Said:

    hahaha i love this blog! but i?m a consultant? how do you bankers enjoy it as you read this after being laid off and living off unemployment??? hahah

  32. +6 votes + -
    BigLaw Shemale Said:

    I have a legal question for you: Since I have allot of cash and free time now, and since I will be pounding your mothers vagina allot more often, does this mean that through easement by implication/or necessity her vagina becomes my property over time? To the rest of you bank-haters; without us, the only investment option you have left is Bank of America?s keep the change program.

  33. +7 votes + -
    Esq. Said:

    two points: 1. No chance biglaw actually works in biglaw. Calm down and recognize a troll when to see one. 2. That being said, only the absolute crap law firms (cwt) are actually laying off attorneys. At any respectable firm bankruptcy and litigation are picking up the slack. At most PPP are down 100-200k, not nearly enough to risk a firm?s reputation by laying off associates. Not to mention the increase in regulation that is coming is going to be a windfall for law firms who will get to bill corporations $350-$1000 an hour to help companies comply with regulations that kill pretty much every other business and worker in the country. Not a bad deal. 3. There?s no reason this should be any point for argument. Bankers make a lot more in good times, lawyers have a lot more job security in bad times. It?s always been that way and always will be. One sides a winner until the next business cycle starts. Big fucking deal.

  34. -1 votes + -
    Esq. Said:

    Correction, meant to say three points regarding the last post

  35. -1 votes + -
    A Law Guy Said:

    finally some brilliant piece of work. Pity it took you as much time and such a meltdown to get your lazy ass up again, but still. regards from the old continent, dude

  36. +3 votes + -
    More LOL Practice Said:

    Esq.?s the only one on point from our side. Disregard everyone else with ?law? in their post. How did that even come up? Can we just chuckle at this post, particularly gullible and promiscuous cause-heads, without random bitching from left field? (And seriously, who brags about 240? Your ?04 530i is totally sweet, bro.)

  37. +2 votes + -
    Notorious NIP... Said:

    Lehman Brothers Presents?Recession Session?s Mixed by the legendary Lehman Brothers. All Album sales to help first year banking analysts Available at all good album stores Track listing 1. I Don?t Like Mondays – Bob Geldoff 2. Bills Bills Bills – Destiny Child 3. Money?s Too Tight to Mention – Simply Red 4. Get a Job Bitch – DMX 5. Repo Man – Iggy PoP 6. Rough House Blues – Chuck Berry 7. End of the world – REM and loads more hit

  38. -1 votes + -
    distressed is the new lbo Said:

    no need to burn the CFA III. just some contraction; separating the men from the boys. long pe/hf. short vc.

  39. -2 votes + -
    Chillin in Muskoka Said:

    HA! Envy?? Hrmmm what should we envy more let us count the ways? your bankrupted treasury? your steadily eroding soon to be not world?s ?reserve? currency? the fact that you import 85% of your energy, 70% of which is ours nonetheless. your fat 401k full of equity in worthless companies? or specifically your 2 y.o DB7 that?s trading at 90 bid in the Dupont Registry? I can?t seem to decide? so much to ENVY! good luck brokeass

  40. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Boring?

  41. +11 votes + -
    I-bank-u-wank Said:

    I am reminded of an old joke. A successful lawyer dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, and is very angry. Why me, I am only 57 years old???? he asks. St Peter eyes him up and down, consults the Big Book and replies: Well, according to your billing hours you are 89.???

  42. -3 votes + -
    SV Sux Said:

    Silicon Valley is right. Engineers salaries are booming I think those Indian kids with retardedly long last names make triple digits these days – woohoo. Shut up and stay in the back office where you belong and live off my crumbs. And if you?re actually an engineer with an idea i?m gonna dilute the shit out of your company when you come begging for money; I?ll leave you with enough money to upgrade your old camry to an ?08 though. Oh wait aren?t they are deporting you back to India where you make $40k with bonuses? Sweet air quality will improve without all the smelly curry tech support guys around.

  43. 0 votes + -
    Your Stupid Said:

    SV Sux, You sound angry. Which firm were you laid off from? I know of some great jobs open in telemarketing that you might be interested in.

  44. 0 votes + -
    kaiser-sose Said:

    LSO, the ending of this post is brilliant. Notorious – love the Recession Sessions playlist ?Your stupid? – look who?s talking; may I suggest you learn how to spell Big law – put a sock in it before I crush you with my bonus

  45. -1 votes + -
    butt hubs Said:

    pure idiocy. your shit is far from funny. it?s pathetic how bad your shit has become. where is the LoS of yesteryear?

  46. +4 votes + -
    Get a clue Said:

    Chillin in Muskoka ? or specifically your 2 y.o DB7 thats trading at 90 bid in the Dupont Registry?? Don?t get it twisted. The DB7 production stopped in December 2003.

  47. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    a little weak. a little thin. thought you would have been able to come up with something better given everything that?s happened this week. and no talk of fashion week and how it fits in? maybe a clever juxtaposition of fashionists/istas laid off bankers would have brightened it up alittle? an obeservation that there is a shortage of bankers willing to buy bottles for all of the wannabe models maybe?

  48. +1 votes + -
    Ha Ha Said:

    Losers!

  49. 0 votes + -
    The Indian Guy Said:

    ?The first was Christianity?. Just fricken awesome!

  50. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    you spelled ?BofA? wrong the second time – how very Piper Jaffray of you

  51. 0 votes + -
    Ned Said:

    the whole finance world comp expectations are soon to be reset, which will have implications for PE shops, Hedge funds, and anyone who thinks fund of funds are still going to give up 20% incentive fees?or if any junior employee without a comp formula is going to get paid (or even with one). any banker who is at vp level or lower has to seriously consider looking outside of the finance world for work. biz dev at start-ups, corporation ladder-climbing, consulting, etc etc. it sucks but at least you?re young. the people who need to worry are the directors or higher, and senior analysts/fund managers who aren?t going to be rehired as junior analysts, much less fund managers.

  52. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    This post was about as good as the job prospects for laid off bankers. That is to say, it was not good at all. Post better shit next time or don?t bother posting at all.

  53. 0 votes + -
    BCGindaHouse Said:

    Maybe its time for neo-Keynesism to have a shot so it will be cool again to work in government and academia like the in the 50s and 60s while business was on the bench.

  54. 0 votes + -
    T Said:

    To the guys who are talking about dropping out of CFA- that?s just stupid. The industry is now more competitive than ever but that?s no reason to get scared. People will ALWAYS need people to manage money. And the I-banks will return- these Hedge Fund/ big time MD?s, CEO?s made too much money over the last decade to sit on the sidelines and not let their ego spark the idea of creating the next great firm. Yeah The Street will obviously be different, firms will be spread out around the country and they won?t be a large but don?t give up. We?re talking about American capitalism. The 80?s had an era of hostile takeovers/I-banking, 00?s had an era of Hedge Funds/I-banking, and trust me these fat cats are not going to see their money go to waste. Wait until after the congressional hearings and after things calm down and new regulation roll out- WALL STREET SHALL RETURN MOTHERFUCKERS!!! RICHER, GREEDIER, HUNGRIER, AND MORE CREATIVE THAN EVER BEFORE MUAHAHAH!!! Let?s just hope we don?t bring down the entire economy this time- b/c that shit was scary son..

  55. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    is it wrong that i beat off to leveraged sell out at work in the handicapped stall during my lunch break??? while i?m taking a dump too???

  56. +1 votes + -
    Balls Said:

    I was just kidding about dropping the CFA. I?ve put too much time in this shit to quit now. Besides, CFA isn?t even for investment banking

  57. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    what happened to the comment ratings

  58. 0 votes + -
    Illin in Muskoka Said:

    I admit. I really do envy American financiers. If I didn?t, I wouldn?t be on this site 24/7 posting the douche-bag comments I do. I guess I just resent the fact that I and my country really are like all the BigLaw losers who post on this site?mere parasites who subsist on the ball sweat that cascades and trickles off the mighty throbbing cock that is U.S. capitalism. And besides that, we have to depend almost wholly on our natural resources to make up for our total lack of creativity or innovation. We admit, we need your military protection and your economy to be thriving. Now we shall resume our prostrate position, bent over, and prepared to receive you again.

  59. +1 votes + -
    Chicago GSB Said:

    Fuck the posting hatin? on MBA?s?if you go to a real academic institution like The University of Chicago, you would realize that Finance is math based. We just figured out how to make money from math, bitch. Graduating MBA school sucks right about now?

  60. 0 votes + -
    BCGindaHouse Said:

    You want my free advice? Ok to save the rotting corporation known as th USA you have to ring in the PE and hedge funds still roving out there. All of these mergers and bailouts won?t mean shit unless they?re taken in too. BofA will be bankrupt by next year if this doesn?t occur.

  61. -1 votes + -
    Banker Said:

    Its like fucking Target just acquired Neiman Marcus, and you are coming to my desk talking about some random benefit? This is not 2006!??? Fucking classic.

  62. +3 votes + -
    PrincetonJr Said:

    Princeton junior here? was thinking banking, now what the fuck am I supposed to do? Anyone?

  63. -1 votes + -
    FinanceEngineer Said:

    Genial post. Had me laughing a good handful of times with the clever jabs. Please increase the frequency of posting!

  64. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Wow, now you?ll be able to go down to your local GS ATM?

  65. -2 votes + -
    PE-chick Said:

    Just to reiterate, buy-side still rocks!

  66. -1 votes + -
    Dave Said:

    Looks like you stupid bulge-bracket dickheads were no smarter than us commerical bankers after all? hahaha you stupid uneducated fucks. Clearly you all have never studied the concept of risk.

  67. -2 votes + -
    poor person Said:

    Damn It Feels Good to be a (Commercial) Banker!

  68. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    You guys have lost it. Boring, staid shit.

  69. -1 votes + -
    stocktipboy Said:

    So when Goldman buys WaMu, what kind of prestige dilution can we expect?

  70. 0 votes + -
    Wall St. R.I.P Said:

    damn it sucks to be banker right about now, time for some buyside action.

  71. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    If you?re going to be an excel jockey, it is better to be on the buy-side. But don?t think you?re immune to what?s going on. Good luck getting the same levels of funding you had before this mess. More hedge funds and PE firms will tank, the others will be left with a lot less money to play with.

  72. -1 votes + -
    Notorious NIP... Said:

    Newsflash: Investment Banker?s To Receive Mega Bonus This Xmas Thats Right All Bankers Will Receive Their Mega Xmas Bonus Thanks to Foxybingo.com, Deposit Today and youll get an extra 5 Bingo Card. Good Luck Guys

  73. +1 votes + -
    PE Baller Said:

    PrincetonJr there are still lots of jobs for good students. If you have a 3.8+ and an internship you should not have a problem landing a job; however you will have to look much harder. I would think about firms outside NY right now as well.

  74. +5 votes + -
    Silicon Valley Said:

    SV Sux: ?Silicon Valley is right. Engineers salaries are booming I think those Indian kids with retardedly long last names make triple digits these days – woohoo. Shut up and stay in the back office where you belong and live off my crumbs.? I?m sorry but I dont have to live off anyone?s crumbs, least of all the pathetic few that you have left in your rapidly declining savings account. Unlike you I really dont feel the need to brag about my salary. And as an engineer I NEVER have to worry about job security. Not to mention the fact that any one of us could migrate to the big-bucks financial positions within your companies easier than you could. Upper management in financial companies LOVE engineers, admire our vastly superior mathematical and analytical skills, and hire us more readily than your retarded useless Econ major you took at XYZ college. I could learn your job in a week. You couldn?t do mine if your life depended on it.

  75. +2 votes + -
    anon Said:

    Never thought the day would come when Banc of America Securities was the most powerful firm on Wall Street. How sad?

  76. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    rip i-banking sept. 22, 2008

  77. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Silicon Valley, You overestimate the amount of time it takes to learn how to be an investment banker.

  78. 0 votes + -
    AK Said:

    ?the days of the big bonus are dead? R.I.P. Analysts and your pathetic dreams of becoming an MD & your bespoke wardrobe, and 6 figure bonuses – the only black car you?ll hear about now is the hurse taking you all to the grave. the sell-side is now going to be pitching ?consumer reward points? to their customers and not pitch books you all are worthless – get ready for your new training on how to handle deposits and withdrawals, maybe you?ll rise quickly from being the teller to the dwight schrute of goldman sachs bank glad i wont have any wanna-be geckos near me this summer in easthampton nor will i have to be bothered with hearing you rookies ask the sales attendant at bergdorf how to properly tie a full windsor – BUY SIDE

  79. 0 votes + -
    entremanure Said:

    That?s great GS and MS will be adding some new ATMs around the world so I can withdraw my already fat Tech paycheck and not worry about the government.

  80. 0 votes + -
    CSFB Said:

    Dude, wonder what will happen to your book now?!?!?!? Whose gonna buy it? Your publisher might renegotiating. Sad Sad Sad!!!!!!

  81. 0 votes + -
    North Buy-sider Said:

    I shed a tear for my sell side cousins. You made more $$$ than I, but worked far longer hours. I enjoyed hearing your stories about office life and night life. Best of luck finding a new job. I?m still chugging away here as my clients weather the storm.

  82. +2 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    What a myopic bunch. Just because the top of the I-banking tree restructures means little in the long run. Once things get on track again in global finance, all the I-banks that became commercial bank divisions will just be too regulated to hop on the next bubble. Second tier I-banks – firms like HLHZ and other international players will take their place and this will all happen again in some form. Emergence, expansion, fragmentation, consolidation, industry restructuring, and start over again. Maybe we?ll see the I-banks and commercial banks split again, but you get the idea.

  83. +2 votes + -
    Retail banker Said:

    Is the title of the book going to be ?Damned It Feels Good To Be A Retail Banker?

  84. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Let me raise my $[?} drink and toast the end of your high-flying lifestyle. I still have a high-paying job, that?s what happens when you actually know how to do something productive that people want. Looks like the Democratic resurgence is here just in time for the i-banking douches to join the unemployment lines.

  85. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    =IF($A1=?PE?,?Baller?,IF($A1=?Banker?,?Unemployed?,IF($A1=?Lawyer?,?Douchebag?)))

  86. +6 votes + -
    Bubble Burster Said:

    Whomever wrote the previous post is a clearly a ?Lawyer/Douchebag? (or Wachovia banker, whichever it may be) since he/she/it obviously doesn?t even know how to write a basic ?If/Then? statement in Excel. The syntax, logic (and yes, even anchoring, for Christ?s sake) are all so wrong, I feel stupider for having read it. I suggest you go back to your ?Excel For Dummies? handbook, re-read it in your 6?6 cubicle before you attempt to amuse anyone with a pseudo-witty comment which by the way, if one were to read between the lines, simply translates into ?Hi – I?m a HUGE tool.?

  87. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Hmmm?it appears to return the term ?FALSE? in all other cases, which seems like a reasonable term to apply to anyone who makes

  88. 0 votes + -
    Might as well be de Beers Said:

    I?ve never had to work and will never have to work. Damn it feels good to be a Truster.

  89. 0 votes + -
    Bubble Burster's Disappointed Owner Said:

    Bubble Burster, I feel stupider for having observed your inability to tell the difference between a subject pronoun and an object pronoun. Whomever?! Son, you?re straight bush-league. WHOEVER tried to teach you English sure failed miserably! I suggest you enroll in a remedial grammar course. Perhaps the fourth graders can create the appropriate environment where you can ?realize your potential.? Now, go register for that course and do your best on those ?Circle one: whoever/whomever? worksheets! When you think you?re ready, don?t forget to HOLLA BACK, OFFICE! Bitch.

  90. 0 votes + -
    Bubble Burster Said:

    To: Bubble-Burster?s Owner Clearly, you?re ?Anonymous?, the proud owner of the post I ripped apart earlier, but it appears that you?ve subsequently decided to change your name in your typical uncreative manner by simply modifying (and therefore jocking and glorifying) my name. Thank you! I love the gratuitous use of the terms ?Son? and ?Holla back? in your post. VERY original writing there, buddy; but with such stale, overused, and indignant vernacular, one must wonder how truly bad are the blisters on your callous hands are after smashing the world record for masturbating to ?Office Space? in your junior one-flexed-into-two bedroom Murray Hill apartment you share with your (far superior) National City banker boyfriend. Either way, I must admit that you sound quite eloquent! I really don?t want to waste one more second of my life ridiculing you, but it?s just too easy, so I?ll leave you with one last thought before I let you get back to your CapIQ comp builder: For your edification, the term ?Bush league? has a ?c? in it (i.e. ?Busch?) – you know, like the bottom of the barrel beer you drink your (many) sorrows away with (note: we know that?s all you can afford with your meanial salary and subpar bonus). It?s ironic that you?re sorry attempt to correct my grammar only made you look like a hypocritical low-brow douchebag, isn?t it? Thanks for the amusement, though. BITCH.

  91. -2 votes + -
    The Loan Arranger Said:

    A few times a week I have my HR Connect?s daughter come in and braid my hair while I model? Im like the financial R.Kelly Sometimes I model one handed, but thats unintentional of course? its just for an hour when my manicurist comes in

  92. +1 votes + -
    anon Said:

    @ 8.31 – agreed. Boutiques will be the major players in investment banking now that the pure-plays are being swallowed up by commercial banks and are being highly regulated. Over the next two decades, boutiques will be hiring the top talent from B-schools, expand, maybe start a S&T group, start being called pure-plays, and all this sh*t we are going through now will happen all over again, and people will lament the ?death? of the remaining pure-plays.

  93. -1 votes + -
    goes round and round Said:

    amazing how fast biglaw and roboticsurgeon are to post on this site each time. the envy is palpable. they must check 3 times a day sure, lots of buy and sell side guys may be out of work, but chances are, they have already banked by 35 what these two will have to work to 62 to obtain. yeah, I can play a video game designed by intuitive surgical, and financed by wall street. and if it goes sour, biglaw will be right behind the ambulance

  94. -2 votes + -
    Don Solong aka Mr. Precious aka Dolla Dolla Masala Said:

    *revs up custom M5* *opens sunroof* *blasts Bhangara* *plots a threesome in the backseat* Life is good if you were sittin on cash and can deploy it now, bitches. *stacks my rupees to the ceiling*

  95. +1 votes + -
    flight of the conchords Said:

    Middle market domination/replacement – HLHZ, Jeffries, et al – shall ensue. Damn it feels good to be in restructuring.

  96. 0 votes + -
    Olivia Said:

    Now is not the time for schadenfreude. The impending collapse of the banking sector will have a ripple effect and should give way to worry regardless of profession. Let?s stop the partisan bickering and work towards a solution.

  97. +2 votes + -
    Don Solong aka Mr. Precious aka Dolla Dolla Masala Said:

    not yet rated + -Olivia Said: September 24th, 2008 at 9:30 pm Now is not the time for schadenfreude. The impending collapse of the banking sector will have a ripple effect and should give way to worry regardless of profession. Lets stop the partisan bickering and work towards a solution. ^ OK John McCain! Naw fuck that. Fuck a bailout. I want a failure at all levels of the economy that results in assets so cheap that I can walk into any high rise, cut a check, and own that shit. And I?ll put one of my Damien Hirst sculptures in the lobby of that shit with a handwritten sign that says ?pwnt? on it so that the previous owners know I stole that shit. Just a sheep carcass in some formaldehyde with a sign in front of it telling them who the new owner is. Big Sweet Swinging Gulabjamun Nuts Partners LLP, bitches. Ask about me.

  98. -1 votes + -
    Lehman back office Said:

    Absolutely killing it right now son!

  99. -1 votes + -
    BCGindaHouse Said:

    OK, John McCain.

  100. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ?but with such stale, overused, and indignant vernacular, one must wonder how truly bad are the blisters on your callous hands? ?For your edification, the term..? Bubble Buster, clearly, you?re very good in literature. Bravo! Now go study some finance, or better, risk management.

  101. +3 votes + -
    Leverage^(e^e) Said:

    Welcome to Goldman Bank. Would you like to make a deposit? The minimum is $20. We also take $Zimbabwean..

  102. -1 votes + -
    Claire Said:

    I?m so happy I left cwt!

  103. +1 votes + -
    Wachovia Securities Baller Said:

    What up hommies I?m ready to tear up Wall Street!

  104. -1 votes + -
    already made it Said:

    Damn, you go for one 60-day yacht excursion with 3 asian bitches and you cum back to this mess. Can?t I trust you imbeciles to do anything correctly? The only thing I am looking to bail out of is those asian bitch?s pussies before I drop a load. Now let me call BB and Paulie and set them straight too.

  105. 0 votes + -
    The Kids Always Get Screwed Said:

    My firm was supposed to be attending a charity last week that got cancelled . . . sucks for the kids whose mommy gets beaten by daddy. So are you fools going to rename your book ?Damn it feels good to be a (consumer) banker??. How sweet will it be when asked ?debit or credit? to drop down that GS debit card. I hear there are going to be special editions issued with Warren Buffet?s picture on it. I?m in distressed and I?m still starting to study for my MCAT and get the hell out of this mess once and for all and start helping kids by giving them life savings meds . . . oh wait, they don?t have insurance. Damn, I guess the kids and the rest of us are all screwed right now in every area.

  106. 0 votes + -
    Phil Falcone Said:

    Not everyone is hurting?

  107. -1 votes + -
    Clockwork Said:

    Bubble Burster Said: ?Its ironic that *youre* sorry attempt to correct my grammar?[blah blah, douchebag, amusement]? ^ Holy shit, that is funny.

  108. 0 votes + -
    Dick Fuld Said:

    Your website is getting better, but it is still pretty shitty quality. Almost as shitty as the decision of The Firm to inject almost $2 billion into WaMu (That money would?ve been better used at the Bellagio followed by the Palomino Club). When your cover letter came into Lehman Brothers a few years back, it was forwarded up the chain and, eventually, reached my inbox. I am in need of a job. A victim of the Credit Crunch. Let me know if you need help maintaining your website as I do know basic HTML. All the best, Dick Fuld fuld.dick@gmail.com

  109. +8 votes + -
    Lawyers-and-Hookers-Always-Employed Said:

    I just got a sweet Goldman tote bag for opening up a student checking account.

  110. -1 votes + -
    Dick Fuld Said:

    Logan: I know you?re website is failing from some common problems that amateurs know how to fix. Expand your network with a great individual like me, Dick Fuld, and I will turn your puny cult into an empire. Please contact me with any potential opportunities. All the best, Dick Fuld fuld.dick@gmail.com

  111. -3 votes + -
    GOLDMAN BANKER Said:

    god damn? all this commotion is making me want to finger my a**hole? whooops! i just splooged all over the pitch book i?m working on.

  112. -2 votes + -
    TypoCatcher Said:

    It seems as if LSO has dropped off like the markets. I just finished the book, which I promptly resold for only a 5% loss. Call me crazy but on the example of a 200lb chick losing 100bps and the answer is 198, shouldn?t the answer be 199? Shoddy work. I know it is a satire, but it proves that the writer was either never a banker or not BB material. Attention to detail.

  113. +2 votes + -
    anon Said:

    100 bps? 1%? of 200lb? is 2lbs? who?s not bb material?

  114. +2 votes + -
    Dan Said:

    Typo Catcher, you are a retard. 1% of 200 is 2, so 200 less 1% is 198. Makes me wonder how you calculated that ?5% loss?.

  115. -2 votes + -
    MatureCitizen Said:

    The amount of schadenfreude and hatred spewing in this commentary is considerably appalling given the monumental events unfolding around us. There is no hope for the U.S. when we feel this way about our domestic neighbors in a time of trouble. It is sad to say but it takes the anonymity of the internet for 99% of you to show the true value of your character. It?s hard to imagine that any hater on here would actually say these offensive words to the faces of the people you seek to offend. Pure cowardice.

  116. 0 votes + -
    yourdaddy Said:

    its a good thing bankers have really valuable skills to fall back on.

  117. -2 votes + -
    Princeton SAE Said:

    i-banking? so frat? i want to lick henry paulson?s anus clean after he takes a dump on my chest

  118. +1 votes + -
    Wachovia Securities Baller Said:

    Good job TypoCatcher, I pray you don?t work in finance. What a fucking moron.

  119. +2 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    TypoCatcher is a MD at BofA you now work for him

  120. 0 votes + -
    Fuckin Paulson Said:

    Fuckin Paulson?s net personal wealth is $600m post equity market collapse. I wonder whose interest is it to save Ibanks when he has a sh!t load of goldman shares

  121. 0 votes + -
    Deutsche Banker Said:

    I just got fired today because I got caught jacking off to a photo of John Thain. It didn?t help that I was jacking off with a dildo in my ass, instead of with my hand, either. Better get my resume ready?.

  122. 0 votes + -
    Re: Fuckin Paulson Said:

    Paulson was forced to sell all his shares once he became treasury secretary. This was a very good move for him. He also did not have to pay any capital gains tax which probably saved him $150MM.

  123. +1 votes + -
    Areyougellin'? Said:

    TypoCatcher: One word for you – WOW. When you say ?markets?, are you referring to the counterfeit goods market in Chinatown where you learned math by ?calculating? discounts on fake watches you peddled before it ?dropped off? when you guys got shut down? Also, did you learn about ?bps? when you were subsequently hired by Rickshaw S&L after your extensive ?market? experience where you exhibited such great attention to detail? Bottom line, you aren?t gellin?! Best, AYG?

  124. +3 votes + -
    Diddy Said:

    OK, I think TypoCatcher and MatureCitizen are the same person. He got called out on his fat girl mis-calc and then acted green peace to get people to stop.

  125. +9 votes + -
    Bottle and Model Said:

    Times are tough. I must drop the letter ?S? from appearing in my name until things rebound.

  126. -5 votes + -
    HBS MBA2010 Said:

    Damn, it feels good to be a MBA student!

  127. -5 votes + -
    drop it like's it hot Said:

    whoa. the dow?s droppin like your girl?s pants do when she steps in my room.

  128. +1 votes + -
    Now in Houston Said:

    To Fuckin Paulson, Just an FYI, i remember when i was leaving GS for grad school, Paulso was the newly appointed Sec. of Treasury?upon his appointment he liquidated all his GS stock options (i believe the disclosed about was $500,000,000 alone)to avoid conflict of interests. Just so you know

  129. -2 votes + -
    Hey HBS MBA 2010 Said:

    Good luck finding an internship for this summer or a job when you get about, and have fun paying your student loans when you have no income. Bitch.

  130. -2 votes + -
    Fuckin Paulson Said:

    Ok, thank you guys I take that back then. But I still think he is a rat bag. Give that $700billion direct to all the homeless americans who lost their homes. That will definitely ?help? the economy more than buying some paper?

  131. +6 votes + -
    Ivy Said:

    Hey HBSMBA2010, English. Learn it. It should be, ?Damn, it feels good to be aN MBA student!? given the initial sound associated with saying ?MBA?. Good to know HBS is still giving kids from U of Iowa a shot at the big league. See you in the spring, Fitzwater!

  132. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    U of Iowa? I was gonna guess negro.

  133. -4 votes + -
    Dick Fuld Said:

    Logan: Now that those bullshit Congressional hearings are out of the way, I am 100% committed to improving this website. The following is an excerpt of material I would contribute: ?I feel like a P.O.W. After my ship went down, Mack and Blankfein sold themselves to the government. None of the IBD division is left. We used to be a small army, dictating capital on Wall Street. Now we stand unemployed, or worse, employees of pussy-ass commercial banks under the restriction of ?regulation.? I compose myself, walk in wearing a Dolce and Gabanna two-button front Italian wool suit with a peak lapel, two front pockets and a center back vent. I shake hands with Bob. I laugh in his face when I see that he hasn?t had a haircut in the past week, and then almost vomit when I see a string unraveling from his Men?s Warehouse plastic-buttoned sport coat. I may have accidentally loogied on his slacks, from Target, but I don?t remember nor should I even care. I knee him in the stomach, knock the wind out of him, and punt him in the ass and knock him to the ground. When he realizes he is in trouble and begins to defend himself verbally, I quickly interrupt, ?Shutup,? and stomp him again to the ground. I don?t even know where I am anymore: A hedge fund? Venture capital firm? LBO fund? Is Lehman Brothers for sale? NO!! Fuck you!! ?Mr. Fuld, you cannot say, ?Fuck? in a courtroom.? All the best, Dick Fuld fuld.dick@gmail.com

  134. +2 votes + -
    Al Anon Said:

    We all know HBSMBA2010 is really UOPMBA2010 (that?s University of Phoenix MBA). I think your finance (pronounced ?fie?) professor just posted your next reading assignment on Blackboard, UOPMBA. You?ve got to produce a 12 page book report on ?Freakonomics?, and read the first 3 chapters in ?Rich Dad, Poor Dad?.

  135. 0 votes + -
    Save the Financiers! Said:

    My friends, there was something in the pathetic spectacle of Dick Fuld?s testimony on Capitol Hill that struck through to the core of every financier?s being. Something about Henry Waxman crawling up Fuld?s a** in search of that extra $200-300mm he was so sure Fuld had stashed up there to make up for the difference in their conflicting valuations ($480mm vs. $250mm) of Fuld?s compensation from 2000-present that sent a pang direct to every true financier?s heart. What are we to make of the farce that greeted Fuld on the steps of the Capitol with pink signs of ?greed!? and ?jail! no bail?, and that which waved him off with cries of ?crook!?, the panty-wearing pinkos of ?code pink? chanting with a collective net worth of $90,000 at a man who can still fall back on $100mm+ and 5 mansions post-Lehman? Like Dick Fuld being knocked cold off his favorite treadmill, a heart monitor strapped to his chest to gauge the sluggish, flickering pulse of Wall Street?s once-throbbing heart, we?ve all taken this hit. My fellow financiers, it was every one of us absorbing those blows on Capitol Hill and on that treadmill. Let?s get back up and fight.

  136. +1 votes + -
    Holler Said:

    Logan, I don?t know what to do here. I?ve fallen for a hot young model of italian descent. That wouldn?t be a problem for anyone else, but it is for me. You see, I?m one of those selfsame Mayflower descendants you refer to in some of your postings (Captain Myles Standish represent!). I also will have the family coat of arms passed down to me from my father?a family tradition originating from the days when our ancestors carried titles of nobility as gentry in the English countryside. Anyway, so when at dinner in New Canaan with the fam the other night I broached the topic of proposing to my little Mediterranean goddess, mother practically fainted and father practically had a stroke. Logan- this girl?s not what mom and pop want, which is a WASP with a pasty complexion and a prominent brow, of equivalent or only slightly inferior pedigree. What do I do? I don?t favor the pale, pasty, flat-chested type, and I will refuse to date a broad-shouldered, cheeseburger-devouring muscle crotch banker chick or biglaw chick. Logan, what?s the answer? (I think I already know what your response will be).

  137. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    fuld is my dog

  138. -12 votes + -
    Chicago rules Said:

    I hope all you NYC losers are enjoying getting laid off! It?s hilarious seeing your city get devastated by the financial crisis. NYC is a one-trick pony. Without finance, it crumbles into a dirty crime-infested shithole. Oh wait, that already describes NYC. Chicago is going strong, traders are doing well here, and we are living large in luxury high-rise condos next to lake michigan and partying at the upscale Chicago nightclubs. Plus, our girls are way hotter than the pale ugly chicks who roam the streets of NYC. God, I feel sorry for you guys.

  139. +5 votes + -
    NY Said:

    Chicago? What?s that? It sounds Canadian. Or maybe a city in Venezuela? Must be third-world. I?m pretty sure it?s a 2nd-rate, loser kind of place. The Cubs haven?t won a series in a century, there are too many ?broad-shouldered, cheeseburger-devouring? chicks there, and the movie ?Candyman? pretty much sums up the the city?s living conditions. (USA : Canada) as (NYC : Chicago).

  140. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Chicago rules, I heard they outlawed bottle service over there?I guess that?s what a second rate city is all about Regards, Ny

  141. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Chicago – go back to eating your deep dish pizzas and cheeseburgers you retard.

  142. 0 votes + -
    nyc Said:

    chicago? wtf are you talking about you fat cheeseburger eating douchebag

  143. -1 votes + -
    Chicago rules Said:

    NY Said, you obviously have never been to Chicago. Unlike your filthy city, we actually have alleys, and is impeccably clean. You don?t see garbage bags lying around in Chicago. But NYC is full of them! Chicago has some of the best luxury highrise condos in the country; come check out gold coast, lincoln park, or lakeshore east sometime. it makes upper east side look like calcutta. Chicago has some of the best restaurants and nightclubs in the country. Face it. NYC is a dirty, crowded, overrated city with ugly women. Why deal with pale girls who smoke too much, when you can be with hot midwestern blondes in Chicago? Your city is a joke. Get over it.

  144. 0 votes + -
    NY, NY Said:

    Can?t enjoy the sweet without the sour. This will pass. NY will come out stronger.

  145. -1 votes + -
    RBC Said:

    Wow NY, youre a total douche. I love it how you make a comparison of Chicago to Canada. Since Canada > USA im guessing you meant to applaud chicago rules? point? I bet youre also voting for McCain based on how logical you find Palin to be. Please go shoot yourself now.

  146. 0 votes + -
    Valutagraf Said:

    Hey Just came back to Europe from NYC and have finished your book. Doesnt look too good for the future of Wall St. – you?ll maybe even have to start riding one of the yellow cabs instead of a black car? Anyway, even if the book is more irony than elitism right now I enjoyed it. Hope you can continue to use your corporate card in the hat drawing games! Just anted to share a funny little story about all this: http://www.sinfest.net/archive_page.php?comicID=2952

  147. 0 votes + -
    NY? Said:

    When overcrowded cities collide, yuck. Only a dopey NYer would equate a city?s ?cool? level with the performance of its baseball team. Commodities exchange is where its at, for a while at least. Still, NY is hardly crime infested in most neighborhoods and Bloomberg should be in the next president?s cabinet, regardless of who wins. That guy is a genius.

  148. +2 votes + -
    consultant Said:

    you bankers shut your mouths, while i think about buyin your banks with my 60k a year salary

  149. +1 votes + -
    goes round and round Said:

    ?traders are doing well? ?love that blanket statement, guess he means soybean traders. Upscale Chicago Nightclubs. what an oxymoron. upscale in chicago means it doesn?t have a drive thru

  150. -3 votes + -
    Biggus Dikkus Said:

    Holy shit, NY. Careful with all of those hyphens ? you might poke somebody?s eye out! P.S. (Cubs : Yankees) as (Hugo Boss : Alfani)

  151. 0 votes + -
    Dick Fuld Said:

    NY: I will personally guarantee that you are not from New York. And if you are from New York, you truly do suck. I gagged at your fucking clown of an attempt to belittle our friend from Chicago. All the best, Dick Fuld fuld.dick@gmail.com

  152. -1 votes + -
    Chicago Rules! Said:

    In Chicago, we have girls, night clubs, parks, and high-rise condos. We have really tall buildings: some of them are taller than the ones in New York! We also have taxis, which I often take to get to the clubs. There are also lots of luxury stores and buildings?something I doubt they have in New York! Oh, and I almost forgot, we?ve got beef. It?s what?s for dinner!

  153. 0 votes + -
    NY Said:

    Truth be told, Chicago is a great city. I love flying out there for a weekend to dine at one of the great steak houses, party on Rush and Division, and plant my seeds in some of those luscious Chi-town blondes you speak of, only to leave the next morning. Chicago?s a fantastic town. That said, New York?s the country?s and the world?s ?alpha city?. That?s not going to change. It?s as simple as that. As for you, RBC, I have far fewer good things to say about Canada than I do about Chicago. I like Montreal and Vancouver (somewhat), but I?m not quite sure what else you bring to the table up there. Maybe you can fill me in.

  154. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    bangin? out this model like it?s an e&y summer intern!

  155. 0 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    This is so insane. All you retards just need an excuse to jump back into the whole NY vs Chicago debate. WTF? The best place to be is Mumbai ! Mumbai > NY > Chapter 11 > AIDS > Chicago

  156. -1 votes + -
    Bentley Drummle Said:

    A personal guarantee from Dick Fuld isn?t worth the paper it?s written on.

  157. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    You guys are all a bunch of 20-something wannabes who have never accomplished shit, but talk like you are some BSDs?pathetic!

  158. +1 votes + -
    Baller VP Said:

    lawyers/surgeons/industry types/other scum: even just a few years spent as a banker elevated all of us above the lifetime of mediocrity that awaits you

  159. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Morgan Stanley and Wachovia? My old VP from Morgan Stanley?s head must?ve exploded all over his hot assistant when he considered the lack of prestige involved.

  160. -3 votes + -
    Biglaw Man Said:

    Hahaha! Looks like Biglaw > IB. You guys had your years, too bad they?re gone?never to return again. Have fun in charlotte working 100 hr weeks for 70k and worried about getting axed. And no, biglaw shops aren?t in trouble, 3% layoffs don?t constitute trouble. And if they?re any higher you aren?t at a V10 in which case you?re a TTT piece of shit anyways. Enjoy the models & bot?err?the resume building!

  161. +1 votes + -
    BSD Said:

    Funny shit. Thanks for keeping things in perspective. Lean back, two-step, The Erg?Wu Tang is for the children!!

  162. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    that LEH cc could?ve sold for $500 on ebay? fools don?t know how to make a buck

  163. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Look at what you did, talked so much shit about BoFA now they do actually run shit?

  164. -1 votes + -
    poor grad student Said:

    Ahhhhh? I?m watching you smug MBAs go down down down? hahaaaaaaaaaaaa learn something worthwhile like math or science, bitches!

  165. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Tight.

  166. -1 votes + -
    Bank of America Said:

    Good luck in the spring, Fitzwater!

  167. +1 votes + -
    emily cohen's clit ring Said:

    haha fuckin fantastic

  168. +1 votes + -
    Al Anon Said:

    LOL: ?like fucking Target just acquired Neiman Marcus?. Another gem.

  169. -1 votes + -
    One of the few bankers still with a job. Said:

    Yes, we do it for the kids?pray for us.

  170. -1 votes + -
    MM Said:

    this was pretty damn good?. and i?m the 1st one to post again?

  171. -1 votes + -
    anon Said:

    Good stuff, as always.

  172. +1 votes + -
    bainie Said:

    nice one. how does it feel to be a banker now?

  173. +1 votes + -
    j3f Said:

    lame

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