Monday, October 29, 2007
Banker Halloween Party
My experience with Halloween in New York has been hit or miss. Right after I moved here after school in 2004, I was dragged to a weird, hipsterish party at some warehouse in the Meatpacking District. To play to the audience, I dressed as a Florida Voting Booth. It wasn’t an elaborate costume; over my normal outfit I just hung a piece of cardboard with 3 buttons and the names: Nader, Kerry, and Bush next to them. The Nader and Kerry buttons were incredibly tiny, and the Bush one was huge. I may have inadvertently made some lame political statement, but I just wanted to watch dozens of hipster girls push a button to vote Republican. Predictably, they did; and I poked them right back.
The space for the party was huge, but uncomfortably industrial. There was a trippy burlesque show going on the whole time, and they only served Absolut Vodka. The music selection was weird, electronic, and not even the slightest bit 80’s. Overall, I was unimpressed. People’s costumes were, for the most part, not sexy or chic, they were legitimately freakish. What absurd kind of Halloween party was I at that skin and lace had been replaced by blood and gore?
Halfway through the night, I had a particularly odd run-in. I was chatting up a cute girl in a prep school uniform who, in the spirit of the party, had blood running down from her nose and all over her entire face. It was creepy, but what can I say? I got nostalgic.
Some guy friend of hers came over to try to talk to her. He was wearing was a very average looking suit with a clumsily folded pocket square, and he had a 3-ring binder in his hand.
I wasn’t being defensive, just a bit curious. “So what are you?” I asked him.
He took a moment to smile at himself, obviously eager to explain his witty costume. “You know,” he responded. “I’m one of those New York City Banker-types.” And he proudly showed me the binder on which he had scribbled “Pitch Book” in black marker.
I paused, overwhelmed by the ridiculousness of the situation. I looked him up and down again, only to find square-toe shoes and a knot I was certain he had triple-looped. I shook my head and exploded in laughter.
This guy was truly pleased with his outfit of social commentary, but I couldn’t help myself; I had to tear him apart. I pulled his girl close with one arm, raised my other palm to his face, and slapped him lightly twice on the cheek. I chuckled again. “Nice try, bro,” I offered, right before laughing all the way out of that party, into a cab, and half-way back to the prep school girl’s parents’ UES townhouse.
I had to leave once I realized where we were heading. Turns out she wasn’t even dressed up.
This year, I went to a party that was on the exact opposite end of the spectrum. My buddy from Blackstone was having a thing at his place in SoHo and had decided that all the guys would dress up as something Wall Street-related, and all the girls just had to be really hot. Genius.
The party was decadent and refined, in a pre-IPO kind of way. The space competed with the warehouse in size, but it was sophisticated. Cocktail waitresses circled the loft, serving top-shelf booze and hors d’œuvres. The music was 80’s, pop, and not the slightest bit trippy. His private, Astroturf roof was also opened up, and the weather was just temperate enough that scantily dressed girls were comfortable.
I walked over and greeted my friend Peter who was covered head to toe in garbage: empty cans, bottles, and other random crap.
I considered him for a second. “Retail Banker?” I asked, almost 100% certain.
“Junk bond,” he responded. “Close though.”
I had been traveling and running late, so I wasn’t able to grab my costume. Again, nothing elaborate, but I had bought a Milwaukee Brewers hat that I was going to put on and point to repeatedly if questioned.
We chatted for a bit, strategizing as to which of the girls attending was the cutest. I don’t think they were instructed to do so, but every single one was dressed as a flapper from the 1920’s.
Sipping a drink, I inspected the rest of the finance-related costumes. They ranged in creativity.
There were, as would be expected, several incarnations of various finance internet celebrities. Aleksey Vayner appeared in a couple forms: shirtless in briefs and also in tennis attire. A Zack Michaelson had fashioned an entire fortress out of cardboard and stood inside of it, carrying a sleeping bag and pillow. There was even an Asian Peter Chung who had draped himself in strands of “domes.”
I spotted a guy with a beer bottle taped to his crotch and gave him a look of understanding. Another dude had printed a mortgage onto his shirt and stamped DEFAULT in red ink on his forehead. Not bad.
I kept browsing, and in the corner of the room, I saw a guy dressed up as what definitely appeared to be a massive turd—a really big piece of shit. “Peter,” I asked. “What’s that guy?”
He shrugged his shoulders, chewing foie grass. “People have been guessing all night man, and no one’s gotten it,” he informed me.
I was determined to figure it out.
Walking up to the roof to get some fresh air, I spotted a few combo outfits. One guy had an “alpha” symbol on his back and was getting perpetually chased by a Jim Cramer look-alike. Another pair was bound together with cuffs and a chain. Half of the duo was undoubtedly the Chrysler building, and the thing latched to him was someone dressed up like a savage, 3-headed dog. Periodically, one of the Cerberus’ heads would reach up and bite the building, ripping it apart and spitting out the remains. It was an interesting piece, I thought: life imitating art. It made the ballerness of the buyout truly palpable.
I stopped walking, having had a random epiphany. “Pump and dump?!” I reflected excitedly about The Turd. That was definitely it.
I quickly hunted him down and presented my hypothesis. He said nothing and shook his little shit head “no.”
Fuck. I walked away and made it up to the roof, finally. I tried to clear my mind and decided the best way would be to talk to one of the hotter airhead flappers. I found one, we started chatting, and it was working—I was completely zoned-out.
After a while, my friend Gopal came by. He had somewhat small, fake plastic tits hanging out from under a blue blouse and had stuffed his black pants so that his thighs and ass were huge, giving him a bulbous, pear shape.
“I’m a Banker Chick!” he informed, stating the obvious. Both guys and girls couldn’t help but grope him, and I was certain that this was the most action both Gopal and any Banker Chick would ever see. He ran away, giddy and ticklish.
Things started to escalate with the flapper, only because I was too busy still decoding The Turd to shut her up.
“So what are you?” she asked after a while.
I snapped back and realized that without my cap to point to, I was stuck. I thought for a second and remembered that idiot from 3 years back.
“You know,” I said, almost jokingly. “I’m one of those New York City Banker-types.”
She paused to look me up and down. My Canali, Ferragamos, and well-knotted Hermes tie must have been slightly more convincing, because after a moment, she tapped me on the cheek gently and said, cheerfully: “Perfect. Cause that’s exactly what I was looking for.”
As we walked downstairs and out of the party together, I winked and bid a few people goodbye.
Right as we were getting to the door, I saw The Turd, and he was talking to an older Black man with an axe sticking out of his head.
Suddenly, it clicked.
“Wachovia!” I burst confidently from across the room, pointing at him with my index finger.
Both The Turd and Stan O’Neal turned and sent back congratulatory looks. They nodded their heads in unison, smiled, and gave me four, big shit-eating thumbs ups.
It was an interesting piece, I thought: art imitating life. It made the retardedness of that decision truly palpable.
October 29th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Holler
October 29th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Great job
October 29th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Most excellent, well written.
Happy Halloween!
October 29th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
good read my friend…but not your best work
October 29th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
“One guy had an “alpha” symbol on his back and was getting perpetually chased by a Jim Cramer look-alike.”
= Money.
October 29th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Wow haven’t seen anything this good in ages.
October 29th, 2007 at 5:22 pm
“Both The Turd and Stan O’Neal turned and sent back congratulatory looks. They nodded their heads in unison, smiled, and gave me four, big shit-eating thumbs ups.”
Absolutely hilarious.
October 29th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
great closure - wachovia bankers(?) would be refused bottle service in Raileigh let alone manhattan
October 29th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Welcome back! Outstanding…
October 29th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Great to have you back in the rotation…
October 29th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Huge fan, really not your best work
October 29th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
Nice try - but this one wont rouse the masses to pitchforks and torches like the last few did.
Also - hipsters have no idea that bankers produce “pitch books”. All they know is that bankers are the scum of the earth who rip bread from the lips of the starving poor.
Finally that tortured reference to the CAPM - more subtlety my dear chap, give the reader more credit.
October 29th, 2007 at 8:25 pm
Beautiful.
October 29th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
hahaha that’s hilarious! particularly because it’s so timely. and…well, true.
October 29th, 2007 at 8:55 pm
Good read as always, could have been more humorous. Please keep it coming.
October 29th, 2007 at 8:56 pm
Well, let’s get it started…
You went to a state school so you are stupid
You mispelled a word in your post so have a small penis
Bankers are better than traders
Traders are better than bankers
All right!
October 29th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
one of the best yet.
October 29th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
This was brilliant!
October 29th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
baller
October 29th, 2007 at 10:09 pm
The CAPM pun is pure genius!
October 29th, 2007 at 10:40 pm
Nice to see you back…step your game up with a few more entries. ok???
October 29th, 2007 at 10:53 pm
good to see something new, but again, not your best work.
October 30th, 2007 at 2:02 am
Pretty dissapointing, I was looking forward to read your next piece and all I get is this shit.
Hope you do better next time.
October 30th, 2007 at 6:17 am
Please tell me this was not penned by the same individual who brought us Brick Break My Heart, Hicks Musings, and Overdelivering. Where are the flowery descriptions, outrageous metaphors, and the air of egotism? This either was written by a different person, or you’ve lost your touch. Sorry.
October 30th, 2007 at 6:29 am
Last one was awful. It was too elitist, and not in the good kind of way.
As a result, we had comments being one of the worst of the lot. The same old trite, I’m a banker; you’re an idiot; I am the father of your brother bullshit arguments again.
I enjoyed this one. Thankfully, you haven’t lost it yet.
October 30th, 2007 at 7:35 am
Half way through I thought this post was going to be a failure. Then you pulled it out with a Wachovia turd reference and closed the deal. Nice.
October 30th, 2007 at 8:18 am
I am equal parts shocked, stunned, and flummoxed that there wasn’t anyone at your party wrapped up in toilet paper with a string hanging between their legs.
October 30th, 2007 at 10:11 am
LSO,
Nice post.
I just got a fax from JT Marlin…
They said, “Welcome to the Club!”
Salud, LSO.
October 30th, 2007 at 11:45 am
Big fan. Solid closing but found it as one of the weaker ones. Step it up.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
This one sucked compared to some of the past exploits.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
“Canali” suit. You are a real BSD now. LOL.
October 30th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Shit dude I work at Wachovia.
October 30th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
“Retail Banker?” - fucking great
October 30th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
“stuffed his black pants so that his thighs and ass were huge, giving him a bulbous, pear shape”
love it. i need an ass like that. then all the black guys would holler at me.
October 30th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
I’m out of the industry now so stop talking about me!
October 30th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
“I pulled his girl close with one arm, raised my other palm to his face, and slapped him lightly twice on the cheek. I chuckled again. “Nice try, bro,” I offered, right before laughing all the way out of that party, into a cab, and half-way back to the prep school girl’s parents’ UES townhouse.”
Pure genius
October 30th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
It is because of how banker chicks look that a perfectly ntritious and delicious fruit has been ruined for me…i now hate pears.
October 30th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
You’re back baby! Keep up the good work.
October 30th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
here comes the banker circle-jerk
October 30th, 2007 at 8:50 pm
I don’t get it.
October 30th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
Have never been to this site before, but this kind of makes me realize that there is a legitimate underpinning to all the spite many of the less fortunate have towards I-Bankers.
I’ve always scoffed at the hipster type, who in turn scoffs at the typical banker, and merely chalked it up to a case of envy. But this little story is so infected with a pompous prik mentality that it’s hard not to start to dislike bankers (even though I am one).
I’ve long been of the opinion, and frankly still am, that MOST bankers are douchebags who were never anybody until they graduated from school and got hired at a prestigious firm. They’re typically the kids who were picked on all their lives by the athletes and the dudes that were getting laid in high school and college. Then, they grauduate, get a job, pad their pockets, buy some nice clothes, and all of a sudden think they’re masters of the universe. Maybe they get laid often, maybe they don’t, but regardless, what’s the point of getting laid when you have premature ejaculation problems cause you haven’t fucked a girl since your senior prom (and even then it was a sympathy fuck). Take the cash away and all you have is an over-intelligent worm longing for the day where he can “rule the roost”. You ever wonder why so many bankers are referred to as ruthless? It’s because they’ve got so much pent up agression inside them from being a pussy their entire life, that they take it out on others professionally.
October 30th, 2007 at 9:53 pm
I gotta agree with you bro. I’ve been in banking a long time and I’m convinced that most, including me, are pathetic losers. Wealthy losers, but still losers. Most of us will have major regrets when we look back at our lives. I already do, and there are days when I’m just a few Red Bulls away from slashing my cuff-linked wrists.
October 30th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
douche
October 31st, 2007 at 1:52 am
That “anonymous” post about 3 posts up makes a very very good point.
I Banking is the true revenge of the nerds.
Good for y’all!
October 31st, 2007 at 4:53 am
some class quotes…. (in the “comments” section)… even appealed to the european sense of humour.
ha ha ( zis iz en eefil laaf viz a cherman eccent)
October 31st, 2007 at 6:02 am
i think you stole my CAPM costume idea.
also, as long as nobody has started already, i will. most bankers know how to spell “foie gras”
October 31st, 2007 at 6:03 am
The CAPM reference was so brilliant! Absolutely fantastic. I wonder how many people got it. Keep it coming the last hiatus was much too long.
October 31st, 2007 at 7:37 am
wow didn’t get the CAPM reference @ first, brilliant though haha
October 31st, 2007 at 8:04 am
To anonymous diatribe: What’s worse is the hipsters that think they are so cool when they were the true nerds. I look at these f-cks walking aronud Williamsburg and the lower east side and think, “Did they not do wedgies in this kid’s school?”
They are the true drain on soceity. Dorks that add nothing.
October 31st, 2007 at 8:05 am
The Brew Crew is the bomb…they are winners in the NL Central next season for sure and then on to the Series.
Ya der hey, Milwaukee!
October 31st, 2007 at 8:49 am
what’s CAPM
October 31st, 2007 at 8:53 am
Anonymous: Is there anything more pathetic than a guy who measures himself by how cool he was in high school? Maybe you were the QB of your football team, and maybe you got laid a lot by 16 year old hick retards at the time. But while you spend the rest of your life in the landscaping industry, unable to afford the prescription meds for the herpes you got while flunking out of state school, the rest of us will move on and spend the rest of our lives making money, closing beautiful women, and laughing at you. Mow my lawn bitch.
October 31st, 2007 at 9:20 am
He doesn’t mention or try to relieve the high-school years. Instead he points out that many of the bankers are trying to pretend that they were the “cool” kids growing up. It’s not the first; many of my school do the same. I see students that dream of not the cash, but the glamour and the fun that follows with the money. However, they don’t realize, it’s just their characters and personalities that are just boring.
Laugh all you want, but your the one using vicious ad-hoc attacks to try to appease your own ego. You may be laughing as you close your “beautiful” women. I don’t need to. I can close in college. Somehow, I doubt you could do the same.
October 31st, 2007 at 9:35 am
Must we go over this again? High school was glorious for those of us who were athletic and beautiful and fortunate enough to have gone through any awkward stage prior to hitting puberty. For the rest it sucked. Moving on, college was a different story for some of these nerds, a renaissance if you will, for the socially inept, ugly ducklings of yesteryear who now found a new bar by which to be measured by….the fraternity or the social club. Now we have moved far beyond being judged solely by our looks and social affiliations, now it has to do with how we spend our days. However, that is not to say that any douche with a good firm can be a master of the universe. It requires arrogance associated an impeccable superficial aesthetic and a brilliant mind to be a McCoy. At least half of the people I work with are the kids who got stuffed in lockers, and spent the time when everyone else was going out and making bad decisions, brooding over the unfairness of life only to devise a diabolical plan that one day they would rise to the top of the banking world, become an md and take out the majority of their homoerotic frustrations on analysts
October 31st, 2007 at 10:25 am
Wharton, fool
October 31st, 2007 at 10:47 am
To Anon @ 8:45:
I never said anything about measuring yourself by how cool you were in H.S. & College. How about re-reading what I said and then commenting. You’ll notice that I mentioned I am also a banker, but unlike the majority of the banking crowd, I realize that just working for a big firm and taking home a big paycheck doesn’t make you any better off than the douchebag that you really are. In fact if you take a step back and look at what most of us are doing, we’re being bitches to the select few who made it up the ladder (by a lot of ass kissing, and political BS) in the I-Banking world. I do it, you do it, we all do it. However, I don’t kid myself into glorifying what I do. I do it for the money, end of story.
So, with that said, go on an continue defending all your late nights editing fonts, and trying to make it sound important. Go on and BS about how many gorgeous women you’ve “closed”. But please, go on doing it with the knowledge that you’re a fucking loser outside of the world of finance, and all those gorgeous women you’re laying are fucking you because they think you have money, not because they actually like you. Tool.
October 31st, 2007 at 11:18 am
where is the capm reference, i took fin. econ pass fail
October 31st, 2007 at 11:20 am
oh i get it now!
October 31st, 2007 at 11:53 am
Too long, didn’t read.
October 31st, 2007 at 12:13 pm
What’s CAPM? Really? hahahahahaha
October 31st, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Bottom line. We do not get paid for our looks. That would be called modeling.
We get paid to shred Corporations, and manipulate the value of everything on this planet….equities,currency, animal, vegetable, mineral…. every-f*cking-thing imaginable!
That, to some of us, including myself, is FUN! VERY FUN! If you do not like it, go F yourself and post on another Blog. You dont see me blabbering on some blog about Weezer. I let the dorks living in underground havens in the outer boroughs worry about Weezer. Please have some respect!
October 31st, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Not buying it…There is no way this is the same author who was able to stimulate my inner banker by conjuring up the phrase “This is how we do it on Broad and Wall bitches”
October 31st, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Weezer?
You just revealed your squareness.
October 31st, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Enough already! are you a chick banker? because your ranting sounds like the inanely bitter inner repressions of a bitter, butch, slightly overweight girl in a frumpy suit who attended Smith or Vassar and who hates guys like us or the guy down the hall who smells kinda like play-doh and resembles dwight schrute. Or all of the above. Ding ding ding i believe we have winner
October 31st, 2007 at 3:27 pm
During and interview for Goldman I mentioned at my interview that I do part-time modeling. My interviewer asked me to send him my book and he was stunned aparently, cuz I got an offer in M&A.
My bonus was higher than all the females from my class last year.
October 31st, 2007 at 5:36 pm
mbb > banking
October 31st, 2007 at 6:22 pm
My buddy did tell me that they hired a eastern european tranny in the m&a dept. last year. She also did part-time modeling. hmmmm…..just a coincidence….i think………………NOT!!!
October 31st, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Analyst life is what it is: you get dumped on in exchange for a huge paycheck. We all have our own reasons for making that trade.
What amazes me, though, is how few people stay in this game longer term (5+ years) without having their personality become truly warped.
I can’t believe the number of badly-adjusted-bordering-on-unhinged people who work in my group. Just about all the senior people fall into one of two categories:
1. vain, arrogant, incapable of empathy (mostly the males)
2. tense, volatile, constant state of panic
(mostly the females)
I’m curious if other people observe the same?
There’s no way these people were like this when they through the door as analysts, they would have been laughed at!
What the hell is it that Wall Street does to people over the course of years and years?
October 31st, 2007 at 9:51 pm
eastern euro bitch:
guess what? all the pictures in your “book” are stuck together and sitting on the floor of the men’s room stall. i particulary liked your A2M work. the double stuff was impressive as well. do all of you eastern block bitches have teflon buttholes or what?
an admiring fan,
tt123
October 31st, 2007 at 11:53 pm
Do you guys know if any IB’s are hiring right now?
November 1st, 2007 at 12:41 am
ok. so what was the unstated finance joke in the costume noted here:”I spotted a guy with a beer bottle taped to his crotch and gave him a look of understanding”
November 1st, 2007 at 5:03 am
ha.
eastern european chick: there’s no m&a division at gs.
nice try.
November 1st, 2007 at 7:51 am
To Fabian.. “Weezer?
You just revealed your squareness.”
Yes, I am very square, as in Hip to be Square, like Huey Lewis square, and damn proud of it. Continue to listen to some lame underground band, and sport your ironic t-shirts over a long sleeve t-shirt.
You are a homo.
November 1st, 2007 at 8:05 am
I hire eastern european chicks by the hour…
November 1st, 2007 at 8:33 am
Hey Eastern European Girl:
You certainly didn’t get your bonus based on your English skills.
Which Rocco movie were you in again?
November 1st, 2007 at 8:46 am
best LSO for a long, long time. congrats.
November 1st, 2007 at 9:07 am
Unfortunatley, and this is a rare occurance, I find the comments funnier than the story this week. That’s alright, you are still batting about .750.
Still don’t understand the beer bottle taped to the crotch. Anybody willing to enlighten this midwestern huck?
November 1st, 2007 at 9:50 am
I think it would be funny if you wrote something about how plebian Fox Business is except for the abundance of money honies present.
November 1st, 2007 at 10:26 am
Have you seen my bonus?
Description: 1st year analyst bonus. Approx. 1/2 the size of a similar GS bonus. Stolen some time around October. Thief left a bunch of stock options for a poorly run, low talent, glorified retail bank.
URGENT: please contact me immediately if you have any info. I need the bonus to make the the ballooning January payment on my new co-op. Will be forced to give hand jobs in dark alley if I can’t find it.
Reward if found: 203-719-5100.
November 1st, 2007 at 11:27 am
you all are just jealous because i work an goldsman sachs and i’m a model. you all are probably so ugly i would never take your small lengths in my butt or mouth.
November 1st, 2007 at 11:40 am
Yo I love fat chicks so working in banking is a key move for me. More cushion for the pushin’ yo. Fat chicks are better at giving head anyways.
November 1st, 2007 at 12:38 pm
This site fucking sucks. All of you banker shit asses need to get off your dildos and step onto a trading floor.
November 1st, 2007 at 12:54 pm
forgot to thank all you bankers who have been spending hundreds of dollar dinners and bottles on me.
November 1st, 2007 at 2:47 pm
A rather boring read, I’m afraid.
November 1st, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Just to clarify, CAPM stands for Capital Asset Pricing Model. The author’s hat (also known as a cap) with an M on it could be interpreted then as CAPM, which is funny. Much funnier than, say, SOMBREROM or FEDORAM.
November 1st, 2007 at 5:00 pm
I can’t believe you didn’t write about the craigslist posting!
November 1st, 2007 at 7:20 pm
Hey now, UBS is still getting their shit together on this side of the pond but they’re respectable. Let’s not forget who we’re supposed to make fun of on this board: (1) Wachovia, (2) BofA, (3)Jeffries (too easy?), (4) Bear Stearns. I also enjoy laughing about the existence of Dresdner Kleinwort. But that’s just me.
November 1st, 2007 at 8:13 pm
I’ve recently noticed that many of the females I’ve met in banking all share that Skeletor look and are all high strung. Any reason for this?
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:58 am
Eastern Europe - when you gonna call me?
November 2nd, 2007 at 9:11 am
The beer bottle attached to the crotch is a Monkey Business/Gopal in “How Gopal Mehta Got Paid, Almost Got Laid, and Got Trained” reference, if you will.
November 2nd, 2007 at 9:38 am
The reason is cocaine.
November 2nd, 2007 at 10:06 am
See the “How Gopal Mehta Got Paid, Almost Got Laid and Got Trained” story to understand the beer bottle reference. “…gave him a look of understanding” was a nice literary touch.
November 2nd, 2007 at 10:32 am
regardless of which way you look at it, UBS has taken a very distinct fall from “respectablility”. Yes Wachovia and Jeffeires are very easy targets (and quite expoited on this site. BofA and BS are in worlds of trouble right now, but anyone that knows anything realizes they are both better then UBS at this point.
In conclusion, 95% of bankers are tools. It really is ashame
November 2nd, 2007 at 11:43 am
“Just to clarify, CAPM stands for Capital Asset Pricing Model. The author’s hat (also known as a cap) with an M on it could be interpreted then as CAPM, which is funny. Much funnier than, say, SOMBREROM or FEDORAM. ”
WTF is so funny about that?
November 2nd, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Bottles at Tenjune this weekend. That’s how we roll at Jeffries son.
November 2nd, 2007 at 12:32 pm
“forgot to thank all you bankers who have been spending hundreds of dollar dinners and bottles on me.”
Don’t worry. In 10 years when your fat, disgusting, and your now cute eastern european hook nose and lanky body looks like shit on a stick, I, my biatch, will not forget to thank you for being such a whore cunt.
November 2nd, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Lovin Eastern Europe, wats your number?
November 2nd, 2007 at 1:24 pm
I’m sorry, is this a joke? This is not good writing for one and you are a sad lowly little turd.
November 2nd, 2007 at 1:26 pm
i forgot to tell you, you sound like you’re in the closet.
November 2nd, 2007 at 1:42 pm
aaaaaaaaaaaa snap, he’s back!!!
listen you hater jerk. yea ibankers are all bunch of p***s because they can’t rap like us traders… you see its 3:30pm and my day is already over i’m bout to bounce up outta here, hit the gym, take a nap, drink a red bull and head out to Socialista then to the Box. These dbag bankers will be having lunch while i be bouncin eastern european honeys on my lap, na mean playa?
hey by the way… this is a note to the publisher of this site: i’m the one that coined the phrase “square toe shoes”… see my previous posts…
peace in yo crease
November 2nd, 2007 at 1:48 pm
-not good writing? At least I reference the individual to whom I am refering, you fuck head.
November 2nd, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Rush Limbaugh, you are so jealous that I am making more than you, and yet, you have to get the bottles at tenjune. and the fact that you will entertain me all night and pay the bottles does not guarantee you that you will go home with me at all. and you are spiteful cuz you know that daddy G. will never let us females look like a shit on a stick unlike your company expensed fat ass.
November 2nd, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Man, this was one long boring post. I expected better from you, LSO…
November 2nd, 2007 at 6:11 pm
I’m sorry, are you refering to somebody else or are you lying? If you saw me you’d lick your chops in hopeless anticipation that I would one day insert my heft into your Staten Island camel toe roast beef of a vagina. I can spot you trailer trash money 2.0 types from my my East 70s home while you’re getting off the subway on the way to douche your ass after a long and hard with Vinny, NYSE floor broker.
November 2nd, 2007 at 10:38 pm
The CAPM reference is a bit lame: could’ve been done with much more subtlety. Foie gras spelled wrong (foie graSS??)- but if done on purpose to start a petty bickering war among douchebag types, then its very clever.
November 2nd, 2007 at 11:21 pm
What is with all Eastern European chicks being total sluts? Good for us guys, but what is the thought process behind saying something like ‘take your lengths in my butt and mouth’ (Eastern European Girl:November 1st, 2007 at 11:27 am) ? Is it a deep seated sense of insecurity due to ‘appearing’ part of the mainstream but not really being part of it? Or is it just a lack of ‘morals’ due to decades of Communist repression and Godlessness?
November 3rd, 2007 at 4:53 am
For all you guys who think that banker chicks are skinny because of Coke, that’s probably true less than 10% of the time. It’s because they are Type-A, which is the classic feeder personality for anorexia…these ladies don’t eat. They diet coke it and smoke. That’s about all the Coke they get. Duh! Anyone that’s from LA originally (like me) can tell you how common anorexia is–and also how common it is in the Ivy League and other feeder schools to banks. And you think you are all such experts on women….
And one more thing…the pear-shape that female banker’s get is best referred to as “secretary spread” (as in my ass is spreading all over the chair) or you can just say “three ax-handles” as in “she’s got an ass that’s three ax-handles wide.”
I hope this was edumacational for y’all.
November 3rd, 2007 at 12:21 pm
I wouldn’t trust my money in the hands of an Eastern European girl. Why then would a big company looking to finance a transaction?
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Anon: (November 2nd, 2007 at 11:21 pm) - get a life. at that time I was already at Tenjune.
I agree, the person who wrote the “take your lengths in my butt and mouth” does lack morals, and I believe some spoiled American brat wrote it - no foreigner can express themselves in english in that way.
Communism trained us well, and thats why we rule the Street, and the Runaway; and Communism made us the new Masters of Universe, the new Swinging Ds.
And, Anon, if you plan to spend your Saturday night reading the comments on LSO check this:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB119275271073964238.html?mod=home_we_banner_left
Otherwise hit me up - tables at Pink El tonight.
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Replying to (Reply to Anon@ 8:45).
That is so true. Many of the idiots who thought they were so “cool” in high school are now working in grocery stores and fast food joints and they’ll be doing it for life while I’ll be banging some hot educated women.
Mow my lawn bitch doesn’t even sum it up. Make my burger bitch and while you’re at it, go valet my car!
November 3rd, 2007 at 7:15 pm
“my body…is callin…for ya…”
heavy dilz in yo area son. eastern block euro hoes got smelly pussies…I still penetrate though son.
“ladiez…its ya boyfriend”
~ Kells
November 4th, 2007 at 9:01 am
I love the first part with the gossip girl referense. 14 year old school girl living on the UES at a halloween party!!
November 4th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
killing myself>having a last name ending in -berg>graduating from Brown>working at BofA>having a last name of Patel>letting some chick from Eastern Europe model my deal
November 4th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
“The music selection was … not even the slightest bit 80’s. Overall, I was unimpressed.”
I love this blog.
November 5th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
To REAL Eastern European Girl
(November 3rd, 2007 at 1:44 pm): I followed that link you put in your message. It just leads to a dumb story about Russia. Care to explain what it’s supposed to prove?
November 5th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Anon, go f yourself or go spread another model. in excel. since your logic won’t help you spread anything other than that.
November 5th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
ok you guys win, i’m just going to do as my fellow comrades and volunteer myself to the pan-asian prostitution ring so that i may suck J for a shot of vodka every day. прощание!