Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Thank You For Quitting

Peace To Shitty Bankers

Several times a year, I receive a forward in which some young analyst at an Investment Bank has flipped out, decided to quit, and written an embittered email manifesto to his group detailing his thought process. These emails ring of both anger and haste, and, without fail, they carry the tone of “I’m meant to be doing something better than this.”

I read these emails, and I chuckle. I laugh not only because these kids are raging pussies but because their naiveté is overwhelming. It’s as if they’ve had some sort lack of sleep induced revelation and are convinced that their true “path” has suddenly become clear—they aren’t meant to be working on pitch books for deals that alter the global economic landscape or doing complex analysis—they’re meant to be “using their minds.”

The most recent one of these emails is from a young analyst at some small shop called “UBS.” I hadn’t really heard of it before, but apparently they are not only “everywhere,” they’re “right next to me.” To which I say: How the fuck did you creep up into my prestigious-ass building, UBS? And no, I do not want your estate planning services!

Anyway, don’t get me wrong. I appreciate hubris; I applaud it. But when someone is so deluded to think that he is better than Banking, he is advertising his stupidity. These kinds of people don’t understand the solid fundamentals that come with getting one’s hands dirty, and it’s obvious that these quitters are just scared of a little hard work and the occasional all-nighter.

Grip some Red Bull and shut the fuck up, kids—everyone has to put in dues. You think Scott Kapnick was bitching about long hours when he started out? What would have become of King Leonidas if instead of braving the cold and killing that beady-eyed wolf, he had just set his spear down on his desk and ran away like a sissy? They would have ended up like you, UBS: jobless.

In the spirit of being scientific, I had the drones over at Sunday, LLC (appropriately, the sad little personal assistant startup of an ex-CS-Banker) pull me some historical data on all these “Fuck you. I quit” Banking defectors. Ran a quick little regression, and the results were just as I had speculated: R2 of 1.0 with the line going straight to shit.

Turns out that storming out of finance violates what some might call “the cardinal fucking rule”—it leaves you no outs. Those that have left are forced to take on small business ventures, work random in-house corporate finance jobs, and return, hat-in-hand, to family businesses. Guys that were once a part of an extremely elite finance set are now living godknowswhere, dreaming of the past and trying to apply their rusty DCF skills to the income they’ve managed to stuff underneath their mattresses (“$12 valuation, baby! Woo!”).

So I ask our UBS friend: are you worried about the significance of these data points? Has it occurred to you that perhaps you should have taken a moment to breathe and think before you made such a rash decision, squandering your life and the opportunity you had been so lucky to receive?

Perhaps there should be a counseling center for Bankers on Tilt that could save these young confused souls and guide them back to sanity. Perhaps their MDs should be instructed to give them another shot and forget about the momentary insanity. But then again, perhaps not.

I’m fairly certain all these kids were destined to be pretty shitty Bankers anyway, so the only net loss was that someone missed out on the sheer pleasure of informing them of their bottom tieredness and the joy of presenting them with a measly $2k bonus. No big deal.

Thanks for quitting, guys—you would have been weeded out anyway.


308 comments for this post.

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  1. +3 votes + -
    wallstreeter Said:

    Check this out: http://www.nypost.com/seven/09302007/news/regionalnews/ex_is_hit_with_100g_sin_tax.htm

  2. +3 votes + -
    Hey Pecker Said:

    Hey Pecker, if you work at KKR you can obviously name the famous 17th century painting that is hanging adjacent to the main reception desk.

  3. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    You are allowed to quit early to add 30k minimum to your base and work half as much (i.e go to PE/HF) but if you are going to do BD at TV Guide..then not, bad call

  4. 0 votes + -
    Hollywood Said:

    Great White – Pecker Jaffray is a douche that is probably moving into the accounting department at KKR. How can you have any pity on him.

  5. +1 votes + -
    The Great White HOPE Said:

    I am going to naively assume anyone on this site is telling the truth. Meaning Pecker Jaffray has a PE job at KKR. Not too shabby, and knowing KKR they probably hired him because he has some great story and it would be good for diversity. They are looking at a lot of Canadian Investments lately (BCE etc) so maybe that is where Pecker?s connection lies?

  6. +3 votes + -
    Dbags work at GS Said:

    hey GS Alpha, I made out okay but you might want to save up that marginal bonus of yours. At the rate the fund?s going you will need some back up cash while you search for a job the next 5 years.

  7. -7 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    yes, bragging about getting into a 2nd rate school you fucking idiot, do you know anything about business schools Wharton is the best business school in the world you are probably some fucker going to Georgetown that has a shitty job at UBS

  8. -11 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    and i did get into H but turned it down you prick I was in BC Calculus Softmore year of highschool, you were probably still in Algeo at that point

  9. +4 votes + -
    CRoan Said:

    hey everyone im a 2nd year commercial real estate analyst at suntrust in nashville. im thinking about either getting into private wealth management or private equity – any thoughts? thanks guys!

  10. -4 votes + -
    PENELOPE Said:

    This is very persuasive, but sadly lacks any substance and therefore really means nothing.

  11. +8 votes + -
    Anonymouse Said:

    Forget about poor Jonathan. Who, what, when, where and why are unimportant. What is important is hapiness and fulfillment. I think it?s foolish to fault a person for recognizing that his or her current path in life was not fulfilling and deciding to make a change. If you?re truly happy working ungodly hours, crunching numbers and breaking your back and find that the salary and bonus is just icing on the cake, that?s great. Most people don?t. In my opinion, Visionary hit the nail on the head and I suspect that the more vitriolic comments are from those who are truly unfulfilled with their own paths in life and consciously or unconsciously derive pleasure from insulting those who have the courage to pursue a path that they find more fulfilling simply because they themselves never did so. At the end of the day, you have only one life to live, and regardless of how much money you?ve made and how many material possessions you?ve accumulated, everybody dies an equal. Your bonus, penthouse suite and Lamborghini mean nothing. You?re dust in the wind just like everybody else and chances are that for all the effort you exerted and sacrifices of time and relationships you made to acquire those transient things, few people really cared and even fewer will remember.

  12. -6 votes + -
    Oski Said:

    We rank higher across more departments. We have a much better sense of reality. We?re more personable. We have more Nobel laureates. AND our football team can kick your Ivy League institution?s team?s a$$. (I?ll stop here to keep some semblance of humility.) For the record, I did get into Wharton but chose to go to a much more intriguing campus in a much more beautiful state – Berkeley. GO BEARS baby! (And you can keep your much-anticipated tree hugging comments to yourself. You?re not being original with that one.)

  13. -5 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    Holy sh!t?. I didn?t know being just in Calc BC as a soph was something to brag about? haha, I guess they are letting anyone into Wharton these days? loser. And btw? CRoan?. Suntrust?? Private Wealth or PE? Are you kidding me? You obviously don?t know the significant differences between the two – my suggestion: apply for pvt wealth mgt, your education level is fit for it.

  14. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    croan?i would curse you out right now if i weren?t on my work computer?wtf! are you doing in nashville?

  15. +21 votes + -
    meh Said:

    CRoan your situation is similar to mine. Only I?m a commercial lending analyst at KeyBanc in Birmingham Alabama and I?m either looking to transition into PE (TPG probably) or become a scuba diving instructor. Can anyone clarify the difference between the two?

  16. -3 votes + -
    Hedge He-Man MOTU Said:

    To Goldman Bitches, GS Alpha, and all other dbags in the irrelevant GS/MS v. others; HBS v. Wharton/GSB; other stupid debates. *All* B-school programs are for douches, and *all* ibanks are too. – Hank Paulson: GS lifer (pretty much) – estimated net worth ~US$700-750 MM (accumulated over entire career) – Jim Simons: 2006 comp: $1.7 BN (?05: $1.5 BN) Case closed. All you MBA mo-fos need to step up. Get a fuckin Ph.D (pure math, theoretical physics preferrably – applied math/phyiscs is for douches).

  17. -4 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    you people are all so fucking sad! hahahahaha?i can?t believe i wasted my time to check out this site get a life!!!!!!!!!

  18. -2 votes + -
    Hollywood Said:

    dickheads like Croan are killing this site. he is the annoying guy with banker envy that we all know??.

  19. +12 votes + -
    TDoan Said:

    CRoan, Am in a similar situation. Currently a 4th yr analyst in Treasury Documentaion at Citizen?s Bank and am about moving into either PE (maybe Blackstone) or else taking an offer as a bilingual (English-Spanish) teacher for special needs kids at PS 121 in the Bronx – any thoughts?

  20. -5 votes + -
    GS Alpha Fund Said:

    Hedgeman, The only people who will look to make a point by comparing a billionaire to an almost billionaire are those who will never come close to sniffing that kind of money. Good luck dwelling in mediocrity.

  21. +10 votes + -
    Dbags work at GS Said:

    If anyone could explain Hedge?s point please explain it to me. I mean I can see it now?some scrawny asian kid with thick ass glasses sitting in his cubicle doing hedge fund operations calling himself ”hedge-he man.” Your comment is absolutely pointless. You are comparing two different types of individuals. Paulson is about prestige?CEO of Goldman then head of treasury department. To be CEO, it makes sense to get an MBA. Simons is naturally brilliant, and got his PHD because he was an academic for most of his life and probably never thought about being a hedge fund giant until later. I mean what exactly is your point? Are you saying that the best of PHD makes more money than the best of IBD? In that case?check out someone called Warren Buffet?he went to CBS. Your comment about B-schools for douchebags basically undermines any type of intellect you have. Stop posting such ignorant comments. Doink!

  22. -4 votes + -
    Hedge He-Man MOTU Said:

    Re: – Dbags work at GS Said: ”You are comparing two different types of individuals.” Uhh, and your point is?? WTF are you doing on this website, if you don?t want to make valid/invalid/random/sensible/nonsensical comparisons between individuals!!!! Stop posing and go back to your desktop publishing job – I?m sure you secretly enjoy the abuse heaped on you by the analysts. And who says ”Paulson is about prestige”. Can you read his mind? Maybe what he really wanted to be was an ornithologist, or NFL star, or novelist (like all his queer Dartmouth English major classmates), and joined GS for the money. Maybe he?s kicking himself for not being in the HF space. – GS Alpha Fund Said: ”The only people who will look to make a point by comparing a billionaire to an almost billionaire are those who will never come close to sniffing that kind of money.” Yeah, right. GSAF, the truth is, the only kind of people who will make the point that *you* made, are those that can dish it out but can?t take it. Remember, the action *is* the juice. Good luck dealing with your feelings of inadequacy.

  23. +1 votes + -
    hedge meister Said:

    goldman bitch needs to stop being a retard. it?s quite obvious you got into the best college you could – i.e. Penn. be proud of yourself but stop pretending it?s the best, because it clearly is not by any measure. indeed, the fact that you can?t realize this (and turned down harvard to attend a 2nd-rate IVY) pretty much means you?re a retard with no grasp of reality.

  24. +3 votes + -
    the thing Said:

    two things about this site: it is amazing how you bankers can be arrogant, cynical and hilarious at the same time. i love you guys, seriously. I?ve spread the work in my bank. and I love the way you answer back to anyone who as a vision a little bigger than your fucking little tiny minds (see ”vision said”). it makes me laugh hard even though I totally agree with ”vision” and his side. and the best part of the story is seeing you committing suicide at any market move against your position or when you get forty and you understand your life?s been useless. I love that part. there I really appreciate your harvard degree, your fat cash, your beautiful life, your diner and your suit. I love in advance all the posts I?ll get back. And please, just please keep doing this, it is entertaining. While all the serious stuff keep looking for success in sport, business, enterprise, and any real field that we love and are good at, you keep doing your pig jobs just for the bonus. it is seriously entertaining to watch you disappear? for the real bankers who love their job and would do it for free, just for the fun, I apologize. but I?m sure there?s no one of such species reading? again, guys you?re the best, keep doing this

  25. +1 votes + -
    GS Alpha Fund Said:

    hedge shemale said: Yeah, right. GSAF, the truth is, the only kind of people who will make the point that *you* made, are those that can dish it out but cant take it. Ok, why don?t you tell Paulson that he?s a worthless POS because Jim Simons made more than what he?s worth in a year. See if he really gives a shit or can ”take it”.

  26. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Hey ”the thing”: ”I love the way you answer back”?? Learn to write/speak proper English, you db. No hablas espanol here, or bulgarian, or whatever the f&*^ you speak. traders rule!

  27. -2 votes + -
    the thing Said:

    I?ll learn proper english when you?ll learn proper italian you fuck come here we?ll teach you?like everything else?poor biatch only thing you can make in life is attending spelling contests?I guess you come in last place in those too

  28. +1 votes + -
    Jeru the Damaja Said:

    big respect Canada

  29. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Of course, I should have known – ”the thing” is Eye-talian. Poor bambino in a bad mood b/c of pasta withdrawal? Is the country going to go on another ”pasta strike”? Don?t pollute this website with your presence. Please get back to work – editing commercials for RAI, or whatever else it is you do.

  30. -6 votes + -
    the thing Said:

    ahahah love that. I wonder where you come from. ready to bomb another country or to kill the king?s ex wife just because she got pregnant and the guy was muslim? uah big hit? now get bak to your flavoured water or whatever the fuck you drink you fat ass. what?s you life expectation? a couple of years, for all the coke you inhale to stay upbeat? ahahah we don?t need that shit we?re just naturally on the fucking roll. I?ll get back to my sweet life, to my success in whatever field you pick, especially the one you dream about under your sheets when you feel alone and cannot sleep? sorry dude, I?ll leave some bones under the table, for you, when I?m done

  31. +2 votes + -
    medallion fund Said:

    hey ”d-bags work at gs”, simons actually has been trading all his life. however, it was only inthe 80s that he set up his hedge fund

  32. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Hey ”thing”, there?s a blue light special on backshavers right now – pick up a couple of cases for you (and your girlfriend). That should get y?all through next Tuesday at least. And you?re damn right, we?re ready to bomb anyone who messes with us – not least b/c all of y?all out in Eurofagland don?t have the balls for it – ”I?d rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post”.

  33. +7 votes + -
    the thing sucks Said:

    hey ”the thing” : Every morning you wake up, put on your green short-sleaved shirt, Sears tie and Old Navy khakis and waddle your overweight, frat-house ass to the local Edward Jones office, where instead of diligently going about your data-entry duties, you go on to this site and try to criticize successful financial professionals. Unfortunately you can?t spell or string together coherent sentences, so that kind of ruins it for you. You suck at life.

  34. -3 votes + -
    Dbags work at GS Said:

    Medallion, you can?t trade and still be on an academic career path? But thanks for the clarification. Hedge-HeShe – I really don?t even know how to respond to your dumbass retort. First, you are correct that I cannot read Paulson?s mind. From what I know, and for us finance professionals there is something called due diligence (write that down), Paulson was the CEO of one of the largest and most respected financial institutions in the world. Now he holds one of the most prominent positions in the U.S. government?but you wouldn?t know that because you?re communist. 2) Prestige can be defined as: ”widely recognized prominence, distinction, or importance” I would presume that you could fit Paulson in that category. 3) The biggest problem is that you are comparing two people on the grounds of unfounded claims. One is more management oriented (hence the MBA) while the other is quantitatively minded (hence the PHD). You will realize that the richest people in the world do not seek money, but rather passion for what they do. For most respected individuals that passion is success?and money happens to be part of the bundle. So stop comparing two extremely rich people saying one is richer than the other?that?s like the ”I bet my daddy can beat up your daddy” argument in pre-school. But you wouldn?t know because your thick bifocal wearing ass was home schooled. Finally, I understand you are angry because your skinny, nerdy asian persona won?t get past the number crunching analyst position, with the thick magnifying glasses on your face acting as a ”Chinese Wall” (pardon the wrong usage) into the associate seat. Best of luck douchebag

  35. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    haha wow you must have a small penis

  36. +2 votes + -
    medallion fund Said:

    trading was his avocation?he was very active and risked alot of capital, but all his own. not like as a career.

  37. +2 votes + -
    medallion fund Said:

    ficc trading though

  38. +4 votes + -
    Hedge He-Man MOTU Said:

    Dbags work at GS: I can?t believe I am wasting my time writing this (will have to make up for it by smacking a couple of IB/PE guys around this wknd), but I will try to educate you. In case you hadn?t noticed, LSO is a satirical website, i.e. it?s all about *satire* and *parody* (I would try to tease out the distinctions for you, but fear that your Babson/Baruch-educated pea brain would not be able to handle anything not accounting-related), as well as a soupcon – or more – of self-mockery (which I have tried to engage in by choosing the name that I did – but then I don?t supposed you read any Wolfe at Babson either). Now (if you still haven?t got it) two points: 1. The fact that you chose to respond to my original post in the way you did is irrefutable proof that you are a DB of the highest order. If d-baggery were Scientology (hey, maybe it is!) you would be a Level VIII Operating Thetan. That post was written precisely to elicit responses such as yours. We are laughing *at* you, not with you. 2. ”for us finance professionals” – referring to yourself as a finance professional – indisputable proof that you are at best a 5th year analyst in cash management. Oh well, I guess Hedge He-Man MOTU must now retire, but he will rise in another guise, on his continued quest to seek out all the posers & hosers.

  39. +6 votes + -
    anon Said:

    ok Hedge and Dbags, enough is enough. Time to shut the fuck up and get back to work. Both of you imbeciles have too much time on your hands. I like to read smart, funny posts only.

  40. +2 votes + -
    Brassones Said:

    an Rsquared of 1? you clearly ran a bullshit reg?..but then again you?re a banker so the bar is a bit low.

  41. +3 votes + -
    hedgie Said:

    Anyone who brags about idiot high school BC calculus or what ”college they went to” while claiming to be a GS analyst is clearly not a banker/trader. I would value a man?s business education for those who passed both the CPA & one to all levels of the CFA over any useless Harvard econ undergrad anyday. In fact, half of the people claiming to be in M&A ibd right here are fakers and frauds, mostly college student Banker wannabes. Sad?

  42. -2 votes + -
    hedgie Said:

    Oh yeah, as to that guy who?s asking ”Private Equity or Private Wealth Management”?. Holy crap. They are two completely different fields with only the word ”Private” in the title for similarity.

  43. +16 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    G UNIT IN THE HOUSE! WHA WHAT WHA WHAT WHAAAAT G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G UNIIIIIIIIIIIT! I TOOK CALC II IN 8TH GRADE AND GOT A 5 ON THE AP WHILE MY 62 YEAR OLD TEACHER WAS GIVIN? ME A BJ (DONT WORRY, SHE WAS A TOTAL GILF)

  44. -14 votes + -
    African Capitalist Said:

    Well, if the kid thinks he should be doing something greater and using his mind, then go save the whales?.before I get the oil from them. The stupidity, and I have some IBs, in this thought process also is that few of these bastards who went to these firms because Papa knew somebody fail to accept the beauty, of looking at something and knowing that you are about to make a freaking awesome killing because some stupid guy didn?t do his homework( God bless the Wall street journal). Anyway, I can only say that the response you gave was ”AWESOME!!!” GUNIT: Triple major in three years (3.8 GPA)?AND YES, i GOT EXEMPT FROM CALCULUS BECAUSE i HAD A FIVE ON IT!!Freaking awesome!!!

  45. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Hedge He-Man MOTU: When you say applied math is for douches, that basically shows that you are not actually in a PhD program. What do you think theoretical physics really is? (Hint: think applied math, you dbag) Applied math is a BROAD field. By the way, finance is statistics. And let me enlighten you: statistics uses math as a tool and is not technically a field of mathematics (combinatorics is). So the various flavors of ARCH that you?re working on, fall under stats? So tell me, if you?re such a purist, why aren?t you at the Institute for Advanced Study doing pure math or superstring research? And what are you doing on wall street which takes from the *applied* sciences? So quit spreading misinformation in fields you have no competence in nor familiarity. Its unfair and disrespectful to a lot of people. Just general food for thought.

  46. -23 votes + -
    friedtoad Said:

    keepinitreal, just because we?ve let you and your colored kin sit at our table doesnt give you the right to get uppity. Please do try to remember your place.

  47. +8 votes + -
    hey African Capitalist Said:

    And your ”homework” is reading the Wall Street Journal!? What, do you think that rag contains some inaccessible, confidential information that gives you an edge? I find it cute that you are atleast trying to crawl out from underneath that rock in who knows what god-forsaken country you come from, but seriously I feel bad knowing that some PoliSci majors from Yale are taking your money.

  48. +9 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    Wow!!!! How many things could be wrong with half the people who post on this website that you feel you need to compensate by being either fake ”gangstas”,incredibly materialistic and/or racist. It really is disgusting not to mention unattractive. I?ll stick to my confident man who doesn?t need to number his accomplishments or measurements on paper to get respect and admiration. P.S. Donald Trump is very accomplished but that doesn?t keep him from having a nasty personality , much like a bunch of you guys who would probably lick his ass if you had the chance.

  49. -9 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Just curious if you enjoy taking it up the ass? You commentary comes constantly comes off as though you have been beaten or raped? I am just throwing it out there. The fact that you were the biggest loser in high school and couldn?t get laid until 24(when you induced it with money) probably didn?t help either. Herbs like you give a bad name to the rest of us?

  50. +3 votes + -
    hedgie Said:

    If you want to use your mind in finance, get into quantitative trading or research, where ideas are generated rather than acted upon.

  51. -6 votes + -
    the thing Said:

    on the same page with anonymous. but thank God you guys exist so at the end of my many successful days who keep adding on my successful life so fucking worth living, I can have a big laugh reading your obnoxious posts, having emotions divided between feeling so bad for you and just laughing at your totally useless awaken minutes. the fact that you stay up all night going thru the figures and numbers makes me feel also worse for your empty souls?poor guys you have to set up your whole system just to feel good, while all the others have a system, called ”life” and ”the real world” where we kick asses (yours) and where you couldn?t even buy a not to mention reserve a table at the four reserve a table at mcdonald?s God have mercy

  52. +5 votes + -
    the thing Said:

    almost forgot: ”And youre damn right, were ready to bomb anyone who messes with us – not least b/c all of yall out in Eurofagland dont have the balls for it – Id rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post???. thank you for setting up a country where anybody (I mean anybody) can be successful, but YOU! ahahah when I think about all the guys who came form nowhere to the ”land of opportunity” and pissed in your mouth I just crack up

  53. +4 votes + -
    I miss DPG Said:

    Hey Dogg Pound – we need you to bring this blog back on track. Unity in hating on the clearly identified mark. C?mon playa!

  54. -14 votes + -
    Wharf Girl Said:

    This FO letter is, I suspect, a hoax. The phone number does not exist. Does anyone know for sure if UBS have a Global Healthcare Division? You would expect it to come up when Googled and it does not seem to. Only a Global Healthcare Conference which does not seem to be the same thing. The Park Ave address he gives is correct but the switchboard don?t know of him and his extension is not recognised as a number. Nor, when you Google him, is there any trace of a Jonathan Maudlin in banking. And who gives their middle name when writing an FO letter? Jonathan Napier Mauldin (an anagram of ?maudlin? which the letter is. WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THIS? Any thoughts. Or alternatively would the real JN Mauldin come out of the closet and make his existence known. I challenge you. In fact I suspect the whole blog may be made up.

  55. -17 votes + -
    Wharf Girl Said:

    I?ve now emailed the press office at UBS asking them whether Jonathan Mauldin ever actually existed and whether the email is real. I will keep you posted. Have I nothig better to do with my time? Sadly no.

  56. +16 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Wharf Girl, You?re retarded.

  57. +8 votes + -
    wallstreeter Said:

    Check this out: This woman truly personifies ”Thank you for quitting” i-banking. http://nymag.com/fashion/lookbook/38917/

  58. -6 votes + -
    Poor Programmer Said:

    ok, can I say this is a motherfucking funny website? This is a motherfucking funny website. But what do I know? I just heard about it from a friend that goes to Wharton and majors in Finance. Anyways, I love the comments, I come here about once a month to read them. Carry on.

  59. -7 votes + -
    Wharf Girl Said:

    And that counts as a constructive response? No wonder the poor guy – if he existed – wanted out of banking. (Spelt with a w)

  60. -7 votes + -
    For dogg pound gangsta Said:

    Yo I is a PE gangsta. Just come round to Green Street where you can eat wheat at all time lows. You knows bought a new Bose system but need to change the toilet cistern. Feel like i?m in a western so curned you know what I mean.

  61. -7 votes + -
    Stevie Schwartz Said:

    Sold at 31 and bought back at 20.53, that?s how you trade, bitches.

  62. +6 votes + -
    anon Said:

    wharf girl- please keep me posted. thanks.

  63. +9 votes + -
    anonymoose Said:

    wharf girl, did you make enough tin-foil hats for the class?

  64. +8 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    who let wharf girl post on this website???

  65. -8 votes + -
    Baller Status Said:

    Any Yankees fans need a tissue out there? Couldn?t buy your way out of this one??.

  66. +11 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    asthma > trading > smegma > Shitibank > Locusts > Brown > polio > aids > Georgetown > Harvard

  67. 0 votes + -
    derivatives g Said:

    bankers are jumped up sales. inefficient pnl for effort. most wouldn?t cut it on the floor though. morons.

  68. -5 votes + -
    anon Said:

    sure derivatives g. And most traders couldn?t structure even the smallest, simplest deal. Stick to your mouse clicks. Leave the deal making to the big boys.

  69. -11 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    I went to fucking Wharton you dumbass

  70. +7 votes + -
    Lowly_IB_Flunky Said:

    OMG! I didn?t know my MD had a blog!!!

  71. +4 votes + -
    Hollywood Said:

    Wharf Girl – no one cares about your opinion, so shut the fuck up.

  72. -19 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    african capitalist = jungle bunnie

  73. +8 votes + -
    wallstreeter Said:

    Whoever made that jungle bunnie comment needs to get off this board. This racist crap has gotten old and tired. It?s amazing how some people find it ok to say such things while hiding behind anonymity but yet wouldn?t dare say it in the open. Grow the fuck up!

  74. -2 votes + -
    For dogg pound gangsta Said:

    Bought @50.4 sold at @30.1 thats how you trade bitches.

  75. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    yeah, that one needs to be taken down

  76. +1 votes + -
    bitchfucker Said:

    ever thought about who cares?

  77. -4 votes + -
    Schmuel Said:

    I work at BDO Seidman. I have to go poo.

  78. +11 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Did you guys hear about the girl at Lehman who committed suicide recently? I bet a lot of these incidents go unreported in our field. So much money, so much unhappiness. I get really depressed about my career choice sometimes. I feel trapped.

  79. +3 votes + -
    wallstreeter Said:

    What??? Girl at Lehman committed suicide?? Where has this been reported?

  80. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Yeah, my friend at Lehman told me about this too. The family is keeping it quiet and the firm is respecting their wishes. I?m surprised the media is cooperating.

  81. +4 votes + -
    Goldman woman Said:

    I heard too. So sad. Here?s a case when she should have quit instead of driving herself into the ground. Maybe this UBS kid who quit had the right idea.

  82. +10 votes + -
    Saks 3rd Avenue Said:

    I?m just waiting for some disgruntled analyst or Associate to walk in and machine gun everyone. Hey, if it happens at highschools and colleges, why not Wall St.? I?m convinced the money is not worth. Three shifts at McDonald?s will get you the same money for probably less hours.

  83. +4 votes + -
    anon Said:

    i?m actually not waiting for that?

  84. +6 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    We have it really good. I dont understand why people are so dissatisfied. As far as the real world goes, this is the good life. I feel like most of the really dissatified people are the boarding school/silver spoon types who can?t get over the fact that they actually have to work.

  85. +3 votes + -
    M&A-the m is for mybankroll, the a is for arrogant Said:

    The simple fact of the matter is that happiness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. It is always difficult to explain why some people who seem to have it all, are so unhappy and vise versa. It is merely perspective. Those who are unhappy and feel that this is not for them should quit and pursue something else before they do something drastic. Like Lewis, I felt like I won the lottery my first day on the job and wouldnt trade it for anything. There are times when I come home at 3 in the morning to a dark apartment only to realize that I have to be back at work shortly and it is discouraging. But then I take a moment to reflect on the life I lead and realize that it is exactly where I want to be. If at the end of the day people are unhappy they should go look for something else, I however will be here basking in my redbull/lack of sleep induced delirium relishing every minute of it.

  86. +16 votes + -
    Lehman Brotha Said:

    The ibanking model is screwed up. For what analysts do, it?s more efficient to outsource to Bangladesh or hire more people, pay them less, and offer better work/life balance. If the financial upside is so great later on in our career path, the true stars will shine regardless, and we won?t have to turn them into burned out, bitter, arrogant, soul-less jerks in the process. Having been in this career now for eight years, I?m always amused by the number of ibanking analysts who come back as a horrible associates. The analyst position at an ibank is really bad preparation for the behavioral and more intangible skills needed at higher levels. Yeah, you get really good at Excel and build up your stamina, but that?s about it. I always tell undergraduates to go to consulting, learn something about how businesses really work, go to business school after a few years, and then come to ibanking as Associates. The analyst position is a horrible waste of the brightest minds coming out of America?s colleges. Put these kids to work at places that actually do something or make something productive, and then let?s teach how to make deals.

  87. +10 votes + -
    Goldman Sucks Said:

    What did analysts do before the spreadsheet was invented? How did Wall St. function before Microsoft? I NEED to know.

  88. +4 votes + -
    Linux user Said:

    Why is there more of a stigma against leaving I-banking than there is against, say, for a person with a painful genital cyst to have it removed?

  89. -11 votes + -
    Blackstone Private Equity Said:

    You are all such losers?stop wasting your time glorifying yourself on this blog and instead working. All you losers seem to be looking to get my job, well you can keep dreaming until you do some fucking work. This entry is a month old now, come on you idiots. and i am not responding to whatever assholes says to me because I will not look at this website until the next blog entry is made.

  90. -2 votes + -
    dogg pound gangsta Said:

    yoo, niggas did yall forget about me..

  91. +4 votes + -
    40.0x YOURMOM Said:

    X-stone, stop the pose please. You have people on hold at Comcast customer service.

  92. -7 votes + -
    Hollywood Said:

    what up my n-word DPG!!!!!!! Where has your black ass been?

  93. 0 votes + -
    unimpressed female Said:

    Haven?t we moved beyond the, ”Oh, you misspelled XYZ! You are stupid! Hah hah!” retorts? Granted, a person who still spells definitely as ”definately” (a common internet error, I find) probably did go to a community college, a retort could be better well spent. This blog entry was kind of boring, LSO. I expected better of you! Well, breath is bated for your next post.

  94. -1 votes + -
    dogg pound gangsta Said:

    yooo nigga, iv been fucking round, what is with yall fuckas, actin like yall so high and mighty. well fuck all yall

  95. -2 votes + -
    I work for HR at UBS Said:

    hey this article is not cool, why are they hatin on us cool people because we work at one of the top ten largest companies in the world. My HR job is so chill and I make money comparable to you. you are all losers and since i have a trust fund, it does not matter when I turn 30. So laugh at me now, and don?t believe me, but I have a bank account with 30 mill in it in just 2 yrs. fuck all of you! I love you all sexy!

  96. -5 votes + -
    IDooshbags.... Said:

    Quick question: Do you Bankers get any ass at all that you DON?T pay for?

  97. +3 votes + -
    @ I work for HR at UBS Said:

    you are fat

  98. -1 votes + -
    For dogg pound gangsta Said:

    Yay hes back – guess whos back, back again. Dpg is no n-word hes some ching chong.

  99. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Hey ”I work for HR”. Did you accumulate the 30MM in a worthless HR job, or is it part of your ”Trust Fund”. You realize your job requires zero talent, right? ”My HR job is so chill and I make money comparable to you.” -that statement is retarded. I imagine after 2 yrs in an HR job at UBS your making less then 50k, and your job is only chill because youre surrounded by other processing retards.

  100. +22 votes + -
    Ready? Said:

    dogg pound gangsta may be the dumbest alias I have ever seen. It?s something I would use when I was in 7th grade and needed an AIM screenname. Looking at it makes me grimace of the time I was so young and stupid.

  101. +2 votes + -
    anon Said:

    Actually, HR starting pay is relatively comparable to even a GS banker. We?re talking 50-55 compared to 65 at GS? Now? bonus wise, HR is gonna get the scraps from the boneyard while a starting GS banker will be pulling 100-150%.

  102. +5 votes + -
    @ I work for HR at UBS Said:

    HR can be quite lucrative, it all depends on your skillset. and you get to work less. though she is a stereotype for being a rish chick in hr.

  103. +2 votes + -
    CRoan Said:

    just to keep everyone updated i got the pink slip today from my commercial lending group at regions bank in birmingham (the street sure is cutting back). could be a mixed blessing?!?!? does anyone have an HR contact at thomas pacific group (TPG)? thank you.

  104. +3 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    You know what ”HR” stands for? Gay.

  105. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Yeah, I do. But make sure you keep your last job off of the resume.

  106. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    CRoan, you are one funny bastard!!!

  107. -9 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    It?s Texas Pacific Group. Maybe that?s why you couldn?t find the contact.

  108. +3 votes + -
    Goldman Sucks Said:

    Prepare for layoffs my fellow analysts at all firms besides Goldman. I?m starting to hear of heads rolling already in i-banking?the death knell sounds?

  109. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Hi I am an art history major from Bowdoin waiting tables on the LES i hear u guys make alot of money. does any one know the number for goldman sachs

  110. +1 votes + -
    excel-lent Said:

    Layoffs? Please. Maybe if you?re in structured products or an IB analyst at BofA.

  111. -1 votes + -
    lexington Said:

    sweet.

  112. +5 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    Thomas pacific group???..hilarious? CRoan must be here to screw with you guys, haha, or he?s a retard?. no I?m sure he can?t be that stupid.

  113. +49 votes + -
    In before massive banking circle jerk Said:

    This site is so meta-douchebag it makes me rethink all of those times that my collar was not popped.

  114. -3 votes + -
    Baller VP Said:

    PE douchebags?you had your time, get ready for the axe! Bottle service is for bankers only

  115. -38 votes + -
    Visionary Said:

    After reading this well thought out article I realize the limited scope and understanding of life the author may possess. I pose this question: ”if a man chooses to engage in other activities that HE enjoys more, does that make him a pussy” You speak so heavily about this mans lack of work ethic and fear of a challenge, but do you know any of these things to be true? Have you met him? Do you know where his long term ambitions lie? You rant and rave about how prestigious banking is and how they are working on ”deals that alter the global economic landscape”, and how lucky these kids are that they were entrusted with such a position in the first place. While I appreciate banking and the extreme work ethic of bankers (or just stick around long enough effort), I hesitate to conclude that they have been ?blessed? by being a banker. Banking may not be for everyone, but we cannot say that this person is a ”pussy” or a ”quitter” because he realized that banking may not be for him. If we were to make such an idiotic statement, then we would have to label everyone who ever interned at a bank and then turned down an offer a quitter or pussy. I am a banker, and I can state that not everyone has the greatest ambitions and work ethics. Many people just try to hang around long enough to get through their 2 years of hell and then kick back, order seamless, yell at the new analyst, and live the sweet life. I challenge you to understand that banking is a PASSION FOR FEW and a JOB for many. I can all but assure you that there are many people in banking who work ridiculous hours at a job that they neither are passionate about nor enjoy, simply because they are afraid to lose that banker salary, year end bonus, and all of the other introductions to ”the sweet life”. Many people become complacent and mundane simply because they are afraid of failing at their true passions and desires. We only have one life to live So if a person works a good part of their life, at something that they do not enjoy, simply because of their fears? then who is the real pussy? Food for thought

  116. +1 votes + -
    Your Uncle Said:

    Thanks for the article, Captain Obvious.

  117. +111 votes + -
    J. Dimon Said:

    Really fucking ?profound?, Visionary? How much time did you pour into that? I guess working on the Equipment Finance desk at KeyBanc allows time for that kind of bullshit.

  118. +4 votes + -
    Dungaroo Said:

    My bank just conducted random drug screenings of our analysts. What the F?!!!! They have to know that at least half of us are on something! What?s the point?! I am still a little freaked out though. Is this typical? Have we been partying too much?

  119. -9 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Most entertaining comment ever

  120. +8 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I really think that the only people who read this site/post are GS. I found out about it from GS people, yet my friends from other banks are not familiar with it. Damn we are a bunch of d-bags.

  121. +13 votes + -
    keepinitreal Said:

    visionary?. are you the homo that went to middlebury? #1 shut the fak up, #2 quit our industry and #3 go open up a florist in chelsea with your boyfriend so u can be happy? anyone correcting my grammar and spelling is just like visionary?be warned?i?m a trader with a big dong and don?t have time to run spell check like you homoz, so peace in your crease?

  122. +1 votes + -
    Gold Men Said:

    I got tested two weeks ago. Last time was when I was hired. I am not worried.

  123. -25 votes + -
    M&A-the m is for mybankroll, the a is for arrogant Said:

    First of all Mr. ”Visionary,” you gave yourself a gay name that basically summarizes that you are a pathetic fuck who has a holier than thou attitude. Anyone who has ever participated in banking or M&A has been blessed to touch the upper echelon of financial activity and there is no denying it. Finance is definitely not for everyone, nor it perks and requirements. It does require a commitment and work ethic that surpasses that common man, it pushes us to our limits and we are better for it. So before you come in here saying that it is just a job, you should rethink your homoerotic existentialist commentary and shut the fuck up, because this is the sport of champions.

  124. 0 votes + -
    Doorman Said:

    You don?t belong in banking if you are stupid enough to do hard drugs. Fire all the idiots and deny them severance and bonuses.

  125. +4 votes + -
    Prime Said:

    getting AIDS > being a trader

  126. 0 votes + -
    BankersSuckCockForCash Said:

    Of the 15 richest men in the world, all of zero took the banking route. You are all a bunch of pompous self-glorifying assholes with no real skill. Your only point is to input the volatility you trade on and leech off of the businesses who ”need” you to make markets. And quite frankly, if you?re not a quant, your career path is dwindling in the 21st century, as you have no real skill to contribute. Entrepreneurship is the way. Grow some balls and actually take a risk once in a while (one not highly leveraged on the skins of others). This guy will probably laugh his way to the bank while your jobs are given to smart little robots?or monkeys.

  127. +18 votes + -
    Ravin' Dave Said:

    It?s the same shit they put doctors through. You should figure that about half of the people who get hired are people that God Did Not Mean for Them to be in This Business. I worry more about the ones who put up with it, because of the salary or their parents or some such thing, when they never really cared about finance or economics or about money except to spend it. _Those_ people worry me.

  128. +4 votes + -
    Hey Idiot . . . Said:

    Where do you think a high percentage of them started? Also – Clearly you have no idea what most of the people on this website do? Input the volatility has nothing to do with mine or most people?s job on this site. Angry little man aren?t you . . .

  129. -3 votes + -
    anon Said:

    yo keepinitreal?your a losah~ big d

  130. +3 votes + -
    BankersSuckCockForCash Said:

    Really now? Maybe you should check their histories?. http://www.forbes.com/lists/2006/10/Rank_1.html and then realize that you?re wrong. I don?t expect you to understand what i mean by inputting volatility, and i don?t feel like explaining evolutionary economics and complexity theory to you. I also don?t expect you to willingly admit that your job is quite useless, and that all of your contributions to the ”economic landscape” are washed out rather quickly anyhow. Just rest assured that you really are that important, just like your mother always told you, and you tell yourself nightly while masturbating to a picture of your last trip to the hamptons.

  131. +1 votes + -
    Non-banker chick Said:

    Physicians have it worse actually. Same terrible hours, just as abused and torn apart by superiors, except we have four years of debt and no hope of a decent salary. I don?t feel sorry for bankers. I admire them, but I don?t pity them. Presumably we?re all the cream of the crop intellectually, and we can handle the pressure and the workload. The weak are weeded out; it isn?t about lacking or sacrificing our ”true passion”.

  132. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    the ”banking route” as we know it now did not exist long enough for it to be pertinent to them. WB, though he doesnt like to admit it ran a hedge fund. Also, if you look at the people near the bottom of the list you will find that a disproportionate amount where bankers. You are just pissed off because you couldnt get into a program.

  133. -9 votes + -
    ivy tower Said:

    Why the fuck are you loosers reading this stuff and getting upset. Obviously us bankers are having fun here and if you do not understand our humor get lost you med school jerks? Keepinitreal, don?t take any shit from ”anonymous” just put it on his chin..

  134. -5 votes + -
    BankersSuckCockForCash Said:

    Could do it pretty easily actually. Most of my fellow elis are, but there is nothing for me there, sorry. Yes, I spoke with Buffet about that last year, and he wasn?t thrilled that i brought it up (Yale Entrepreneurial Society ”field trip” to Omaha..good times). Do you really have to stoop to the semantics of what constitutes the modern banking route? That?s a very weak argument, as none of the candidates on the top of the list participated in ANY banking route, unless you count private investing, in which case your elite definition of banking breaks down precipitously. If you?re fine with being at the bottom of the list, then by all means enjoy your time there. I?d rather spend my time contributing elsewhere, and not kill myself like the chick from Lehmann.

  135. -43 votes + -
    John UBS Said:

    I?m pretty sure UBS is a good bank right?

  136. +6 votes + -
    Yalies are Douchebags Said:

    The expected return of a career in finance is significantly higher than that of an entrepreneur. The examples you show are significant, significant outliers?the top .01% The entrepreneurship efforts of most return modest returns, of which most gets sucked up by VC firms. In contrast, the path of an elite financier is very clear and still leads to a very rich lifestyle. Also, it?s incredible douche to bring up evolutionary economics and complexity theory when they?re completely unnecessary to make your argument.

  137. +10 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    hahahah, yes, FUCK UBS

  138. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I guess that the sell-out?s satire works, judging by the fiery reactions. It?s scary to see so many of you thinking that working wherever you work is a lifelong mission, instead of just a job (no matter how tough or highly paid). Stop taking that job so seriously. Actually, no. Don?t do that. Otherwise many of you might just quit their jobs.

  139. +8 votes + -
    dude Said:

    isn?t PE the upper echelon of financial activity? i thought you just do IBD so that you can get into PE???

  140. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    word to the wise?don?t write a really inflatory post like the one above and reveal your identification, especially in a forum of people you are probably looking to for a job. There where only so many male quant geeks on that trip.

  141. +6 votes + -
    Non-banker chick Said:

    Umm, I was empathizing and echoing everyone?s reaction to ?visionary?. I?m not sure how that was interpreted as me getting upset, not understanding humor, and being a jerk. Strange?

  142. +1 votes + -
    BankersTakeItInTheCulo Said:

    Bankers do suck and I completely agree. They are poor and are basically people who cannot think on their feet, therefore since they cant hack it in trading, they go into banking.

  143. +2 votes + -
    Non-banker chick sounds hot Said:

    Obviously it?s an individual?s decision to quit their job. If they think, albeit generally foolishly, that quitting their job for more free time (and less money) will provide them with more utility than making an excellent salary, then they should quit their jobs. While it is probable tha there are some talented bankers with lots of potential, the general case is that these quitters would not be qualified to fulfill the more demanding roles of finance. Natural selection.

  144. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    My only question to you, cocksucking sir: What are you doing other than just trashing other people on this website to back your grand claims?

  145. -3 votes + -
    sparky Said:

    What a puss!

  146. -2 votes + -
    Dash Riprock Girl Said:

    i have a friend who works at Goldman in HR, and she got a bonus in the 6 digits last year. Now THAT is a deal?

  147. +11 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I?ve read better. This seems like a straight out b1tch without the satire? Not good.

  148. +4 votes + -
    M&A-the m is for mybankroll, the a is for arrogant Said:

    Its called blowing the MD??many prostitues get bonuses in the 6 figures. HR stands for human rececptacle? of what? figure it out

  149. +2 votes + -
    anon Said:

    this new post came too soon. i?m still thinking about how georgetown sucks, how chicago is laughable and fat, and how the only path to nirvana is thru PE/HF.

  150. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I want my money back.

  151. +7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    why do people take this so seriously?

  152. +3 votes + -
    BackOfficeBanker Said:

    She wasn?t blowing MD?s. She was deflowering young MIT grad?s to ramp up the Alpha fund?s VSB platforms.

  153. +4 votes + -
    banker184 Said:

    ‘The most recent one of these emails is from a young analyst at some small shop called UBS.??? ” classic! to be honest, they are probably random visitors, a bit philosophic for the edgy banker.

  154. +8 votes + -
    Merrill Lynch Analyst Said:

    My bank lost more money than yours! What, what?

  155. +6 votes + -
    John Said:

    Why in the world are people actually trying to intellectually debate this article??? Anyone who works in banking (bulge bracket banking that is) knows the game and knows the jokes?it?s all for fun guys get your game up, or have a banker explain the rules to you before you go get mad?it?s all locker room talk

  156. +13 votes + -
    Dash Riprock Girl Said:

    i was about to get an offer for an arbitrage props desk at a hedge fund if i did something to the guy who offered. i dont blame the HR – we gotta use our assets, before they start to depreciate?

  157. -18 votes + -
    keepinitreal Said:

    hey non banker chick? you should drop those med school books and play hide the kilbassa between your junk? then you may loosen up a little? if you can?t find anyone to tap that, don?t worry we can organize the first banker gang-bang of ”non banker chick”.. of course we will need to put a bag over your busted face, and get that fat arse to slim down before the event, but in any case looking forward to seeing you? i?m sure you?ll appreciate this international waspy player? peace in your crease

  158. -4 votes + -
    evercore Said:

    does anyone know anything about evercore? is it a good firm?

  159. +31 votes + -
    tuckie Said:

    I worked in M&A as an analyst, and whoever thinks that is the upper echelon of global financial activity is delusional. When you are doing buy-side advisory for tpg or bain cap you?re not the ”BSD” in the room – they are. You?re the one endlessly pitching and groveling for business, and then when you get a deal, as an analyst you work on such a small part it?s hard to feel like you?re touching any upper echelon, or that you?re doing anything all that important. I?m going to assume that you?re an analyst, M&A mybankroll dude, so here?s a free tip – get in at a solid PE firm, join the finance elite, and stop living off success fees. If you?re an associate/VP and still in M&A, keep living the dream of siphoning fees off other peoples greatness?.

  160. +2 votes + -
    Yalie Said:

    All Yalies are not Douchebags! I am the least douchebag in this forum!

  161. -19 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    UK FOOTBALL. BEAT THE HOGS. GO CATS! PS: You are all losers!!!

  162. +3 votes + -
    Kenneth Said:

    My friends I just get offered analyst job with D&T corporate finance. I am joining your happy throng! Soon I too will buy my suit at Brooks Brothers

  163. +15 votes + -
    chris Said:

    Weak. It just didn?t add anything to DealBreaker?s coverage and it wasn?t very funny. What happened to the brilliance of the Shitshow, Free Meal Melissa and Overdelivering?

  164. +12 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Wharf girl, please update us with your findings. You?re almost as useless as Merrill?s CDO desk.

  165. +1 votes + -
    Author Said:

    Why work with people you hate for 10 bucks an hour when you can work with people you like for 50? Trying to leave quietly on a Sunday morning is best done by packing up your stuff; not sending an e-mail to a small group of people your departure would effect negatively. A bunch of people on the street who have never (and hopefully will never) work with the kind of ludicrous people who make up UBS Healthcare shouldn?t knock it before they try it. At least there?s an opening there! My last internship in banking, I got asked to miscount for around 250 million dollars to show to the FED – wow what a great run of it I?ve had in IBD.

  166. +1 votes + -
    Lumbergh Said:

    hey doorman @ 8:33: From your comments it?s obvious that you?re not a banker since you don?t know the status quo. The only reason they?re doing drug testing is to justify firings/layoffs. Don?t try to talk about things you have no idea about and get back to the front door at Marquis. Make sure to keep the undesirables out before I walk in and round up some hotties for me. PS: When I slip you a fiver on my way in, don?t get offended and don?t think i?ll give you any more?because Marquis is beneath me.

  167. +13 votes + -
    Free Meal Melissa Said:

    Had to read that one again – CLASSIC! Note the comments on that thread as well – less banker/rapper oneupmanship. Dated a colleague in IBD who would wear her heels to bed and grind them into the small of my back. Ooorah!

  168. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I demand an update

  169. -8 votes + -
    Baller Status Said:

    anon Said: September 19th, 2007 at 10:44 pm this new post came too soon. im still thinking about how georgetown sucks, how chicago is laughable and fat, and how the only path to nirvana is thru PE/HF. ???????????????.. Still crying about that rejection letter huh? Georgetown is a great school. You don?t come out like every other cookie cutter UPenn D-Bag and you still get the same or better jobs when you get out?..

  170. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Dash, It?s funny how easily you rationalize the idea of prostituting yourself out for a few dollars. Your post epitomizes most of the posters on this site, nothing but a cheap whore trying to act like he/she is worth something?

  171. +2 votes + -
    Seriously Said:

    Do people actually think i-bankers are the intellectually ”elite”? Obviously there are some, but the majority of my class is very, very mediocre. Doctors far surpass most finance people, whether it is banking, trading, or asset management.

  172. +1 votes + -
    monkey Said:

    D&T?!?!!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  173. -26 votes + -
    keepinitreal Said:

    listen you bich melissa, first of all suck a big banker dik!! second, us in banking are true gangstas, we smack biches like you with our cash wrapped around our diks over your forehead? the ”oneupmanship” you are talking about, is because bankers and rappers are one of the same, we like hot chicks, bottle service, fast cars, fancy clothes and finally we spit some mad game/insults to anyone who crosses our way? aaaight?! peace in your crease

  174. 0 votes + -
    To: Kenneth Said:

    Are you serious about D&T? Do they even have banking there??

  175. +6 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    comments are much funnier than the article this time?

  176. 0 votes + -
    Lumbergh Said:

    Actually, Baller VP, bottle service is for naive guys who can?t get laid (and have to actually pay for their drinks). And why are you still going to clubs if you?re a VP? Your old ass should be at home sobbing bitterly.

  177. +21 votes + -
    Rubi Rubirosa Said:

    I read your comments and I can?t stop thinking that this industry has become a playground for you fucking 20 something year old fuckers with small dicks and huge personal deficits? go get a live, a personality and a real vision, go do something with your lives and become adults for god?s sake? you live a bullshit dream and you think you are something? what idiots you are? that?s why we need a real downturn so that all of you who think you are great get fired and live the miserable live you deserve

  178. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Douchebag is the appropriate term, besides we all know most bankers aren?t blazing the trails of Business Week, especially with the pending blood-letting after disastrous performance. And if there are millions of us bankers and former bankers, you can?t honestly think you?re actually a Rothschild or JP fucking Morgan. And what if you quit banking to become a Victoria?s Secret model? You still want to tell me I?m a piece of ivy league educated shit?

  179. -13 votes + -
    keepinitreal Said:

    dear rubi rubirosa, i?m a little hurt by your comments?do you honestly think that just because we write all this crap on here, we actually think/act/behave this way??? HELLLL YEAAA WE DO!!!! so why don?t you take that rubiks cube of your name and show it up your anal cavity and leave it in there till all the colors line up, bicccch peace in your crease

  180. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    this guy is so fucking legit. what a banker

  181. -25 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    there are only 3 universities harvard, yale and princeton, and only 2 banks: MS and GS!

  182. 0 votes + -
    John Mack Said:

    Dorsia? Nobody goes there anymore Lets go to Up Stairs.

  183. +13 votes + -
    testes testes 123 Said:

    jesus?all the real hitters are gone and in their wake only the feeble put downs of a new 1st yr class remain. sad. i would blow my head off if i worked with any of you buttfucks.

  184. +5 votes + -
    Consultant Said:

    ‘A man chooses, a slave obeys.” No truer words ever espoused from a video game. Granted, the asshat(s) shouldn?t have freaked out and wrote a long rant to their coworkers detailing their plight. That burns bridges and stinks of a regrettable decision made in haste. But to say they aren?t cut out for it is quite another thing. As a consultant I hear this from HR and sycophants alike when someone leaves the firm unexpectedly. (”They couldn?t handle the workload” ”The lifestyle was too much for them” ”The work was too high-level”). It?s not likely that this person couldn?t ”take it”, its more likely they didn?t like their work. Again, not something to write a long pissy email about, but not the same as lacking the testicular fortitude to keep going. What?s my point? My point is that you?re an asshole. Although, you probably already know that. Enjoy the cash while it still means something to you as it obviously didn?t to them.

  185. +21 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I?m an I-banker at a bulge bracket firm and I?m better than you because I make more money than you? (see everyone, this is an example of satire and sarcasim. Maybe, just maybe, the author of this piece was making fun of the few bankers and workers in finance who actually believe the ridiculous comments that were put forth here. I actually do work in a bulge bracket bank and I can tell you that those opinions are not prevelent and those who do hold these opionions are scorned and ridiculed. And for someone who does act like that, your coworkers are probably ripping you apart behind your back. Finance, like everything else, has its stereotypes. So why doesn?t everyone stop taking this website so seriously and realize that it is all in jest. Sometimes I don?t know what is funnier; the article or the morons who react to it thinking these thoughts are truly held by those in the financial sector).

  186. 0 votes + -
    new Said:

    smarty pants from consultia didnt get that this is a tease – now go solve a puzzle

  187. +11 votes + -
    buyside Said:

    keepinitreal Said: ”second, us in banking are true gangstas, we smack biches like you with our cash wrapped around our diks over your forehead” Tell me, was that PA or Exeter you attended?

  188. -1 votes + -
    wow Said:

    Hey consultant, your brain power is awe-inspiring. How the fuck to you get people to pay for your advice? Blowhard.

  189. -5 votes + -
    keepinitreal Said:

    yo buyside, to answer your question i went to monte rosa in montreux? put that in your crack pipe and smoke it. and testes, instead of blowing your brains off why don?t you blow buyside, looks like you two butt sex lovers would enjoy that..

  190. -3 votes + -
    Consultant Said:

    tsk, tsk, more immaturity from ”new” and ”wow” – creative names I might add

  191. +19 votes + -
    a Said:

    wow this piece sucked more dick than kobe tai

  192. -11 votes + -
    Baller Analyst in Karachi Said:

    I?m so glad I?m in IB! Making a ton of cash, the women are just amazing. wacked out underground party scene here. Only a short flight to Dubai, which is craazy ass fun. Love this website – especially all the comments from all the haters and losers (i.e., anyone not in IB/PE/HF). Next year I?ll be promoted to Associate – good chance of being posted to the Singapore office too. All you kids can come visit me then. 10-4

  193. +11 votes + -
    DJ Junior Tai Said:

    yeah that UBS guy lasted only what? less than a month? true calling hit him at like 6:40 something in the morning on a sunday. i work there, same building, not a banker tho, but fckn healthcare group is #1 in the amount of work, its crazy. see that?s why i can?t do ibanking? as much as i?m interested in finance, i think i?m only cut out to do equities trading, 60-70 hours a week, can?t trade on a sunday, what fckn market is open (unless we?re international). but hey, somebody?s gotta underwrite the primary market for traders to work on the secondary market right? so, thanks ibankers. the money, the prestige, the dream?.

  194. +1 votes + -
    um.. Said:

    i hope ppl realize this site is satirical.

  195. -1 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    Penn > Georgetown > smegma > brown

  196. -1 votes + -
    Baller Analyst in Bangui Said:

    Living large here in CAR (Central African Republic). Incredible women – kind of hard to communicate with them, though, b/c I have no French, and my Sango is pretty elementary. Last week I travelled to Lagos (business class!) to pitch Avante Capital on the privatization of the Dzanga-Sangha National Park. Stayed at the Lagos Hilton! No bottle service here in Bangui, but I bought a couple of bars with part of my last paycheck. I reserve the entire joint whenever I want to head out with the lads. Then we get our crew to bring in a load of hot women. There are over 80 ethnic groups in CAR, so we mix it up to keep things interesting – Tuesday?s is Baya Ladies Night, Wednesdays is Banda, and so on. Personally, I think the M?Baka and Yakoma chicks are the hottest, but thats just me.

  197. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Whats PA or Exeter? Seriously.. I have no clue.

  198. 0 votes + -
    Greek Buff Said:

    Leonidas!!! Omg?too funny.

  199. +16 votes + -
    deuceandahalf Said:

    I know at Stanford Graduate School of Business, only ~5% of any given graduating MBA class goes into banking. and actually, it?s sorta looked down upon. If you can get into PE, VC, a hedge fund, etc. then your ”BSD.” From experience in seeing classmates doing recruiting, many newly minted associates (those who made up the 5%) at bulge bracket investment banks were not analysts prior to B-school. So if IBD is so great, why not just enter at the associate level and save the trouble? Wouldn?t that be easier? It is also worth considering reasons for why so many analysts did not jump back into IBD. In any case, the Redskins are looking pretty good.

  200. 0 votes + -
    I am better than you Said:

    im proud of you.

  201. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Great article. UBS is pusssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

  202. +1 votes + -
    I am better than you Said:

    I also heard that Visionary performs at The Box on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

  203. +2 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    Personally, I just did banking to get into HBS for free. the money is nice too

  204. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I?m pretty sure this is satire?

  205. +27 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    My friend at Goldman just spent the last 15 years working 120-hour weeks. He?s 38, hasn?t had a date in all that time, lives alone in a $3M NYC condo, and got passed over last year for PMD. He died of a heart attack last week, and there are few who even care. Masters of the Universe?

  206. -1 votes + -
    FACE IT! Said:

    You?re a monkey in a suit, on a random walk.

  207. -5 votes + -
    Leon Black Said:

    M&A Haters, step back, before I shoot M&A laserz out of my elbows and superman dat ho

  208. 0 votes + -
    l bizzle Said:

    wharton is a zoo of highly convoluted cages where the monkeys have gotten loose. real finance is all about the deal making kids. i?ll call you when i need a waterfall chart. now piss off, i?m double booked downtown.

  209. +5 votes + -
    GS Alpha Fund Said:

    If I worked at UBS, I would quit too. keepingitreal is trying so hard that he makes the poser Gotti crew I saw at Tenjune last week look legit. And we all know you?re DPG, that lame ass wannabe gangsta hooked on phonics ebonic speak ain?t fooling anyone.

  210. 0 votes + -
    Artist formerly known as dogg pound gangsta Said:

    the messiah is back? all you haters, imitators, wankstas ? enjoy! if i knew you guys would miss my character so much, I would?ve never left? unimpressed, you can leave that engagement ring in the safe deposit box? Eastern European ho, the original is back, you can idolize a real idol for a change? gyea! (all you dumb biters, did you not realize how the real DPG signs off)?

  211. +2 votes + -
    40.0x YOURMOM Said:

    Enjoyable, but not your best work.

  212. +1 votes + -
    PropTrader Said:

    Was a bit pissed off at having to do data entry and tech support for traders. But will bitch no more, this post brings home the fact that I?m shovelling dirt to get to the pot of pirate?s gold?madness??this is not madness?this?is?SPARTA!!!

  213. +8 votes + -
    hey keepinitreal Said:

    Are you black or white? Did you get your street cred on the mean streets of some cookie cutter suburb? Your folks worked like dogs in some anonymous middle management or clerical job so that your students loans to state school/ivy/G-town wouldn?t be too large upon graduation. You had some balls so you kicked ass and got a summer internship and finally an analyst gig in IBD. So after all that, why come across as some character that you played on Grand Theft Auto -San Andreas?

  214. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Entrepreneur rules banker

  215. -11 votes + -
    keepinitreal Said:

    to the jerk who stole my name in the post above.. first of all my parents did not have to work because we are what they call old money, sorry that you actually have to work for a living ”il faut prendre la vie comme elle vient”? i?m fortunate enough to have gone to monte rosa in montreux, switzerland then yale.. i hope this quick little background answers your pathetic proletaire question.. now lets get back to business oh yes, i am half black half white.. white from the waiste up and black from the waiste down.. you may wonder how that is possible.. let me explain: you see there are a lot of haters like you out there. i am the chosen one, the ”ubermensch”, to hypnotize you with my blue eyes then take out my black 18 inch kilbasa and smack you across your chin.. thats how we keep it real, son? we just grindin hittin brazilian dimes from behind

  216. +8 votes + -
    Alpha female Said:

    Call me old school but fresh grads who look for life balance in the first years of their career puzzle me. Or the ones who get crushed by doing the dirty work. Do you want it or do you want it? If you want it but you don?t want to put in the hours, well ? thank you for quitting indeed.

  217. +7 votes + -
    Real Banker Said:

    All these dickheads claiming to be bankers are fake. If you are real banker you wouldnt have time to write such stupid comments cause you be pulling allnighter on Pitch books.

  218. +4 votes + -
    Bitchtern Said:

    If you?re going to be a bitch and quit you might as well sack up and do something badass like go kill terrorist. Like this guy did: ”When I finally got the courage to face the fact that this was no way to live, that I wanted to make a mark on my world that I would be proud of, I walked out of my job without giving notice, broke off the engagement with my fiance, sold everything I owned, and enlisted in the Army. My childhood dream had been to be in the special forces, and I was going to chase that dream. I am now a 31 year-old soldier in the Special Forces of the United States Army [known by the media and non-military people as ''green berets'']. I choose not to disclose my real name for PERSEC (personal security) reasons, so on this site I will go as ”Nick Sadler.” The US Government pays me to protect this nation and further it?s interests: I oppose those who threaten the security of the state and I train and assist American allies in their furtherance of mutually compatible foreign policy and US national security. I am in the special forces, I love my job, I love my life, and I am proud of who I have become.” http://www.hoo-ah.net/ That?s right bitches get the fuck out of dodge. Just remember for every nancy out there without the sac to make the dream the reality there are four people waiting in the wings who would abuse an elderly person to get the shot. So if you?re going to throw away your chance for the love of God do something with the education our fine nation provided you; like blow shit up.

  219. -1 votes + -
    LBhOes Said:

    Mauldin = http://youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc

  220. 0 votes + -
    Eric Said:

    I dont know why anyone feels the need to opine about the article. This site is for entertainment purposes, If you dont like it, dont read it. That being said, I think its utterly retarded for those outside finance to read this? I dont read your blogs about waitressing or struggling on 40 grand salaries As analysts, associates or JVPs, we all need a break from the stress and work that weights on us. I enjoy reading every article posted simply because it beats reading 10Ks or those damn credit and O&M agreements on intralinks

  221. +7 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    HOW the FUCK do people not realize this site is a big joke that satirizes bankers? lifestyles. Its so blatantly obvious yet somehow half of the comments are always taken up by dumb fucks who can?t get the glaring sarcasm of the writer. I think getting hit by a bus on a daily basis will be good for your health.

  222. +1 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    I am wondering, How many of our MD?s actually go on this site, because a lot of stupid people are calling themselves Md?s when they are all loser interns or analyst like the rest of us. and 3mill is not a lot compared to where i live

  223. +5 votes + -
    West Coast Banker Said:

    Man, you guys all need to take a chill pill. It?s just a fuckin? blog. Damn, you all need to get the fuck outta NYC every once in a while. You are taking this way to seriously.

  224. +3 votes + -
    Tom Said:

    Haha this is brilliant, never seen so many angsty interns/analysts bullshitting so hard. So tell me why most ppl leave IB after making a lot of money and go set up their own business or indeed change careers completely? Surely its not because of the 60-70 hour weeks or the fact that we are contributing nothing meaningfull to society? Just a thought

  225. -5 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    HAHAHAHA, What bank to you work at West Coast Banker. If you did not realize all of us bankers are uptight assholes. It is one of the side affects of 120 hour weeks and 5 red bulls a day. And also, we all set up our own businesses because we want to become the next Morgans and Goldmans. I mean when I turn 30 and become an MD, I am using my trust fund(sounds immpressive, but not much) and starting a company.

  226. +7 votes + -
    hey keepinitreal Said:

    Ha ha, so now the wigga gets all offended that I made fun of his inbred mommy and daddy. You grew up in Europe, you went to Yale, ergo you suck 18 inch penis. Keep it real, stay in character son. Yo? old man and old lady didn?t have to work because they was on the welfare rolls. First of tha? month, cracka trash!

  227. +12 votes + -
    hey keepinitreal Said:

    Ahh, your time in New Haven. Ignored by all social groups,huddling in the corner at Toad?s nursing a beer, hating the people who look past you, yet wanting any semblance of human contact. You, the descendant of privilige and syphillis, to be maligned so? ”My daddy?s an inbred dandy, respect me!” Still, there?s hope. To be ”street,” to do the pimp walk in your Tod?s?yes, there is a way out.

  228. -9 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    Sadly, I am 2nd generation here from Florence, Italy. Which, assuming you are a complete dumbass and know nothing, is where banking orginated during the Renaissance. I did not go to Yale, that would be an insult. I went to Wharton School of Business, I hope you know what that is. unlike you, i do not want to be a pimp or a ”gangster” because they are sad people who never amount to anything. i can guess how you got into Yale?

  229. +3 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    and dude, how old are you, unless you are majoring in ebonics at Yale, I would not speak like that. or you could be one of the affirmative action cases. i like to see where a ”supposedly” good education brings you, especially when it was a ”free ride”

  230. +4 votes + -
    Eastern European Girl Said:

    going back to visionary – thank you for that comment. I really needed something to kill my hangover after the usual hefty night at Cain. and you just made me laugh histerically. first of all, stop reading this blog, because you apparently don?t get the point of it. second, quit your miserable back office position in operations, and follow your true passion for Sophocle literature. please do a favour to the world, leave and stop contaminating our refined industry with your homo thoughts. i bet you scored 800 on your LSATs, wacko.

  231. +4 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    Tenjune? Cain? If you?re ”living the lifestyle” I hope you can do better than jersey and long island girls in forever 21. You don?t actually have to be a banker to get them. You could save yourself the 120 hour work weeks and just lie-stupid girls won?t know the difference. Now b8, beatrice, waverly girls are a whole different story?

  232. -2 votes + -
    hedger Said:

    Wharton Bitch: Anyone who has actually gone to Wharton knows that it is The Wharton School of Economics, or, more appropriately, simply The Wharton School. At least get the name straight if you are going to invoke the name of such a sacred institution of quantitative learning.

  233. +20 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    keepinitreal- On the previous post, there was this royal douchebag known as Dog Pound Gangsta. This ?online bada$$? would spend all of his time writing unbelievable posts of sexual conquests with models, penis length, club swagger, bonuses, etc. all in his trademark ?gangsta? lingo?much like how you would hear the skinny virgins at the dork lunchtable of any white suburban public highschool boast. Then one day, after talking trash online after 1am on a Saturday, very ?unballer-like behavior?, he quickly cameback and claimed a rediculous story of a threesome in New Zealand to cover his tracks. But this didn?t work. He was called out and the ?Dawg? left with his tail between his legs, never to comment on this site again. Now there is a new a post. No DPG, but some ”new” jive talking douchebag who calls himself ?keepinitreal? who again is sitting around taliking trash on a Saturday night. Could this be DPG, Watson? keepinitreal/DPG- you are not a ?balla?. You are in fact a p#ssy. Anyone who sits around on a Saturday night to talk trash to strangers on a website is hardly ?livin the dream?. And don?t even try to claim that you are at the office on a Saturday night ?makin benjamins?. That would expose yourself (if you are actually a banker, which I doubt) as deeply junior as the piece of sh#t PIK toggle notes in the latest hung LBO financing. Any BSD would conduct his Saturday night business via blackberry/conference call and have douchebags like you running around at his whim. I said it before and I?ll say it again – your virginity is painfully obvious?

  234. +11 votes + -
    Maria Bartiromo Said:

    Leave DPG/Keepinitreal ALONE?he is the only entertainment on this site!! DPG/Keepinitreal, are you coming to see me later today??

  235. +5 votes + -
    Good boss bad boss Said:

    My first staff resigned after less than 3 months working with me. Consumed by guilt – could I have been nicer, given him easier tasks, been less demanding, ? After managing more people, I realized there was nothing wrong with me. He was a pussy.

  236. +8 votes + -
    Nathan Vasser Said:

    Bottom line, if anyone first year can?t handle doing their 2 years, collecting their 350K and using the benefits of their experience to take them where they want then they may not be ”pussies” but they are ”idiots”? If you want to be a liberal hippy and save the rain forest after your 2 years, I am sure you will be able to save a BETTER rainforest after doing banking.

  237. -8 votes + -
    keepinitreal Said:

    aaaaaaaaaaaa snaaaap!!!! i got you bitchaz right where i want.. now let me school you sucka MCz how i slap my schwanzenstuck all over yo mamaz ear lobes.. first of all lets clear up one thing.. if you look at my last post, it reads september 21st 11am, which is last friday you butt-munch and not saturday 11pm.. that post came from ”HEY keepintreal” you douchebag?. do you ever wonder what life would be like if you?d had enough oxygen at birth you moron? second, i am not ”Dog Pound Gangsta” although his style was aaaight, he sold out.. there is a new sheriff in town bich, and i?m gonna cut your ballz off and feed it to your momz. now lets get to this ”goldman bich”? although you work in a good starter bank, you have no right to dis your father like that.. just because you have a gangsta 4 button banana republic suit, latest square toe aldo shoes with the thick rubber soles and the $45 vineyard vines tie to put it all together, doesn?t give you the right to insult me like that. also, if i may, i know that wharton is an excellent institution, my biggest idol in finance is a fellow alum of yours, what?s his name again oh yea, donald trump? what a badass, i love that guy? who do we yalies have, hmmmm, i guess pretty much every single president of the US and all captains of industry?. listen ”goldman bich” , you are the kind of man that you would use as a blueprint to build a facking idiot. going back to that great school of yours; you guys are great with numbers, very technical, bravo.. that is exactly what was in mind when former yalies built wharton. to have above par number crunchers to do our grunt work? now get back to that bichbook, while i go play golf? next time you run your mouth like that i will take off my hermes cravate, tie it around your ballz, rip?em off, and feed it to that ”anonymous?” mofoz momz, bich? sucka dik!!! peace in your crease!

  238. +6 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    nathan vasser is completely correct. quitting as an I-banking analyst is the most short-sighted, retarded decision one can make. Forget two years – how about finishing just one year. even if it means doing a mediocre job. that ubs clown is a dipshit who just closed the door on a large number of non-banking career opportunities.

  239. +1 votes + -
    Maria Bartiromo Said:

    I love it when you sound all gangster like?keepitup keepinitreal!!!

  240. -6 votes + -
    Blackstone Capital Partners I Said:

    Arf. Goo goo gah gah.

  241. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    In regard to the debate of over my sacred institution?s name: It is The Wharton School of Finance (with ”The” included and with the second syllable of Finance emphasized). The Wharton School of Finance may teach other (lesser) subjects, such as Management, Accounting, and Marketing (for those who choose to smoke marijuana cigarettes throughout their undergraduate education). But, with which our most cherished alumni would agree (see Warren Buffet, Steven Cohen, and Donald Trump), it is really The Wharton School of Finance.

  242. -11 votes + -
    Tim Tebow Said:

    What is the best Non-ivy School to get into banking from then? UCLA, michigan, texas, indiana, georgetown, notre dame, etc????

  243. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    keepin? it real?you yale ?07?

  244. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Non Ivy? Funny quip.

  245. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    you forget that the closest any UBS deal will come to altering the global economic landscape is pushing the real banks that much higher on the league tables

  246. +3 votes + -
    Blah Blah Said:

    The guiltiest pleasure on this site is watching the hacks reveal themselves by overreacting to these writings as they furiously bang on their keyboards whilst cozily nestled in their back office cubicles, or makeshift conference rooms at some Accenture project.

  247. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Tim, public schools are pathetic, and the midwest is flyover country. Get a grip. Where is Indiana again? I get all those POS states confused.

  248. +3 votes + -
    Baller Said:

    THE Wharton School of fiNANce?isn?t that a vocational school or something?

  249. 0 votes + -
    ivy tower Said:

    keepingitreal, That was pretty funny ”the latest square toe aldo shoes”. I?m still laughing at that. Stick it to these posers! Bulldog, bulldog, bow wow wow!! Y ?04

  250. -4 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    yea, it is pretty funny. I would say most of the people here are just losers from lesser banks trying to seem like they are cool. guys, i hope you are not making fun of ubs on your work computer. they may throw you out of ubs.

  251. -4 votes + -
    LSJU Said:

    westside, bad boy killaz

  252. -3 votes + -
    actually went to Wharton Said:

    The actual name of Wharton is just ”The Wharton School”. M&T: SEAS ?01, WH ?01

  253. +13 votes + -
    actually went to Wharton Said:

    Donald Trump is a joke, he had to transfer in.

  254. 0 votes + -
    Goldnut Sacks Said:

    Tim, Public schools suck. If you want to go non-ivy look at Williams, Amherst, Stanford, and Duke. Regards, GS

  255. -1 votes + -
    Chef Rob Said:

    You think your lives are hard. Come to my kitchen. I work harder, longer, and I don?t get paid what you do.

  256. +10 votes + -
    keepinitreal Said:

    Tim, some of the best non ivy schools are; chattanooga community college, cornell, ohio state, university of pennsylvania, devry, ITT technical institute, brown, idaho college for farming, dartmouth, university of wyoming? hope these fine non-ivy institutions some day get the respect they deserve

  257. -8 votes + -
    baller Said:

    keepin it real forgot to mention Harvard

  258. -3 votes + -
    baller Said:

    management & tech is legit

  259. -1 votes + -
    Hollywood Said:

    Yo Sell-Out, you need to step it up. This post was a bit weak. How can I get you a movie deal with this shit to work with??

  260. +3 votes + -
    Scott ''Big Baller'' W Said:

    Tim / and all of you other back office hacks, I have worked in a BB for 2 years and PE for now a little more then 1 and I will tell you I am in a Top 15 PE fund and while any with MBAs are from the top 5 schools, the undergrads are all over the place. We have the obvious Ivys, then we have a couple Michigan guys, a couple Indiana Guys, even a Miami of Ohio kid. Just gotta work that network of yours Tim, not be an idiot, and keep trying. Don?t let these rejects stop you from trying?

  261. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Indiana and Michigan are the anomalies of the public schools. How many Tennesee Volunteers do you see sitting next to you?

  262. +8 votes + -
    Sure Said:

    Scott W, cut out the constructive advice. This is not the time or place. By the way, we all know that when you say you work at the a ”Top 15? PE firm, you mean the 15th.

  263. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Scott W, you are creating a Willy Lowman out of little Timmy.

  264. +2 votes + -
    H.R. Kravis Said:

    stop this rambling and get back to your pitchbooks!

  265. -5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Berkeley, bitches !

  266. -4 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    VC is where its at bitches. In at 10, out at 5. Google returns 20x the fund. No bending over for Kravis like you pussies.

  267. -2 votes + -
    anon Said:

    anon- you don?t work at a VC fund otherwise you?d know that VC pays shit relative to hedge funds and PE. you?d also know that people move from VC to HF/PE, almost never the other way around.

  268. +8 votes + -
    jack Said:

    the only non-Ivy schools that are worth talking about are MIT, Stanford, and maybe duke. that?s not to say all Ivy schools are worthwhile – brown, cornell, dartmouth?pure shite.

  269. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Well played, sir.

  270. -4 votes + -
    Raoul Duke Said:

    Rubi Rubirosa Said: September 20th, 2007 at 12:57 pm I read your comments and I cant stop thinking that this industry has become a playground for you fucking 20 something year old fuckers with small dicks and huge personal deficits go get a live, a personality and a real vision, go do something with your lives and become adults for gods sake you live a bullshit dream and you think you are something what idiots you are thats why we need a real downturn so that all of you who think you are great get fired and live the miserable live you deserve Uhhh, fired time is called vacation. Its when we get a whole year off to spend the Summer in the Hamptons, Fall and Spring in Europe, and the Winter in Aspen. The difference between you and us is that we are back at it the next year, but you will be a giant douche forever.

  271. +2 votes + -
    For dogg pound gangsta Said:

    Where d?ya go I MISS YOU SO. Seems like you?ve been gone forever since you?ve been gone. I wish I went to an Ivory league school like you guys

  272. -12 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    MIT and Standford are number 4 dumbass

  273. -2 votes + -
    Captain King Said:

    Hi, My name is Captain King and i?m the star of Microsoft?s new game ”Halo 3?. John Mauldin shares the same first name as me, and together we shall save the universe while you douche bags lick herpes infested strippers? vaginas? thinking that being able to pay some whores to let you dine on their diseased genitals somehow reflects your ”power”. No, no sir, the W/AV M6 Spartan Laser is power! Here?s to you, the fine folk at GS.

  274. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    VC offers this year were as high (a little higher) then most middle market PE shops. They weren?t with KKR, but they were with the GTCRs / Sun Capital?s of the world.

  275. 0 votes + -
    Prime Said:

    to whoever writes LSO: you?ll get a kick out of this. http://www.collegehumor.com/moogaloop/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1771556&

  276. +4 votes + -
    anon Said:

    goldman bitch is the bitch who couldn?t get into stanford or mit.

  277. +5 votes + -
    anon1 Said:

    Hey Goldman, please take the US News cock out of your mouth. Penn isn?t even in the same universe as Stanford and MIT ? stop embarrassing yourself. And learn how to spell. They?ll let any fucking retard into GS these days. (The best GS talent leave after a year to join a HF/PE shop. Why are you still there?)

  278. +5 votes + -
    Your-Cock Said:

    use me, please use me, i am so lonely! your hand hurts so much!

  279. +3 votes + -
    anon Said:

    This guy took 20 mins to write that email? No wonder he got yelled at.

  280. +5 votes + -
    john Said:

    you all should know by now that goldman bitch is a newbie analyst at goldman who somehow thinks he?s an authority on institutional prestige. he doesn?t know shit about anything, including banking, buy-side, pussy.

  281. +17 votes + -
    Banker Said:

    Banking is a waste of time. If indeed the goal is to get into PE or a hedge fund after, then just start at a small fund right after graduation. Banking is good for a year and that?s it. All it revolves around is putting together pages, charts, graphs and meaningless shit. Bankers try to cover up their lack of ability to think deep and fundamentally about a business by presenting fat and pretty books. Clearly the clients see through that and are not fooled, but bankers don?t learn their lesson. It?s really a waste of money and time for those who have studied at top schools (esp. ivy league) to end up in banking where creativity and entrepreneurship cease to exist. These bright minds really need to step up, gain some courage and show that their capabilities extend beyond banking.

  282. -8 votes + -
    GS Alpha Fund Said:

    Goldman Bitches, don?t be deterred by all the naysayers. When you?re on top, everyone wants to hate. Although you might be a newbie junior analyst, all these people hating on you are probably just associates at Credit Suisse who?s just jealous that a 2nd year IB analyst will get a bonus that?s 3x greater than his/hers.

  283. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    You do know goldman pays Mid bonus across the street right?

  284. +7 votes + -
    Exbanker Chick Said:

    I left banking a few months ago but still check this site often- priceless. Best satire of banking dbags out there.

  285. 0 votes + -
    Disappointing LSO Said:

    This is your second, not so awesome post? you?re losing your touch and may lose your fan base, we want the optimus fucking prime of investment banking to write us some entertaining shit.. ?

  286. +7 votes + -
    jackmeoff Said:

    i guess it takes intelligence to recognize intelligence. so anyone who thinks mit and stanford are ho-hum schools is definitely not destined to be an MD, much less a PE pimp.

  287. +3 votes + -
    EBITDAvid Said:

    Great post. I love the nouveau riche commenters.

  288. +4 votes + -
    anon. Said:

    visionarys post was good – dont hate on people with other passions, and no i?m not ”a pussy” for thinking that. some people want this life and some people dont and thats fine. and people who think investment bankers are the top of the line – think again – i?ve never experienced more cocky attitude in my entire life since i started associating with them. not to stereotype, but its true..and no i dont really care about the rage comments this post will receive?

  289. 0 votes + -
    stan Said:

    some of y?all really inspired me. I?m quitting finance and moving to consulting?maybe I?ll join a non-profit and make a difference. Nah, fuck it. The life?s too good to pass up. wharTON BSDesi

  290. -9 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    Thanks GS, we need to look out for each other

  291. -7 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    first off, I went to Wharton and Penn, I have a degree in finance and in economics. so do not fuck with my school you asshole from Dartmouth. and if you realized, all us GS people are Quantitative, not Qualitative. You are so stupid. You probably only found this website because you were looking to sign up for Devry and their leveragedsellout?s add came up. you are a sad person. and dude, not EVERYONE leaves. I mean if everyone did, then we would have no MD?s. and dumbass, that is not a doctor.

  292. -7 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    enjoy UBS fuckers!

  293. -2 votes + -
    anon Said:

    what a loser.

  294. +10 votes + -
    Pecker Jaffray Said:

    I work at BMO in their industrial group and I am going to KKR starting next July. I worked significantly less then you ”GS” boys and have a better PE job then you ”GS” boys? My state school and ”C-tier” investment bank got me further then your queer school and queer bank. I?m glad you made money for your MD?s, no you just suck and I hate you

  295. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    what the hell is BMO?

  296. +3 votes + -
    E. Stanley O'Neal Said:

    1) Kids get back to work 2) The joke is that this kid actually went to a hedge fund so the joke is on you clowns who actually ”stuck it out” in IBD.

  297. +11 votes + -
    Dbags work at GS Said:

    GS Alpha needs to check out performance for the past year then shut the fuck up.

  298. -8 votes + -
    Goldman Bitches Said:

    bmo is the company that owns mastercard, and it is a pretty crappy place. i guess you met some people to get into there. it is sad you hate me. with my degrees and my job i could go there tomorrow and get a job. but i do not care. i go with the flow until i become and md, and then start my own company.

  299. -8 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Pecker jaffray?what the hell is BMO? Congratulations on letting us all know that you are the dumbest, least accompolished person in this forum and that you also have some insecurity because of it. Let me guess?you are working in HR at KKR? Or are you taking our the trash?

  300. -2 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    there is a bank called bank of montreal? contrats.. your salary is now similar to wall street

  301. -3 votes + -
    Hunter Preston Cooper III Said:

    Hey Pecker, I guess that state school didn?t teach you the difference between ”then” and ”than”. Good luck in PE though, I?m sure you?ll do great.

  302. -6 votes + -
    GS Alpha Fund Said:

    Performance for the past year: Investors: Down big My bank account: Up big How?d you do last year Dbags?

  303. +1 votes + -
    jj Said:

    they G-bitch, since when it is an accomplishment to brag about not getting to the best schools in the country (H+P)? you?re 2nd rate.

  304. +3 votes + -
    Sure Said:

    Guys, BMO is like the 4th or 5th best Canadian investment bank. Duh. They?re mostly known for their mining group though. Mr. KKR is either working for KKR Financial or was such an amazing superstar at BMO that somebody noticed him. The fact that he would write such an insecure post sort of rules out those two suggests he?s probably just still at BMO.

  305. -1 votes + -
    James Said:

    http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-assistme30sep30,0,1261484,full.story?coll=la-home-business

  306. +4 votes + -
    Pecker Jaffray Said:

    Ahh the insecurity. Bottom line, when you tools go home alone, at least you can curl up with your laptop, a copy of Accidental Investment Banker, and write your insiteful prose on Leveraged Sellout. While I, the website proclaimed ”Least Accomplished person in this forum”, leaves my desk knowing I have taken an offer at the worlds best PE firm, go out and have a few drinks with actual friends, has actually do things I want to. I sleep better knowing I got my PE job on Merit and hard work tather then my mom?s undergraduate work of blowing the person who is in charge of hiring.

  307. +13 votes + -
    The Great White HOPE Said:

    Listen here Pecker. I will give you a little credit if you took an offer at a 3rd Tier bank (BMO) and turned it into a 1st class PE offer. That proves a little something about you. But what doesn?t prove anything is that you can not spell or put together a grammatical sentence if your life depended on it. I like you pecker, I am trying to help.

  308. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Pecker Jaffray, I was almost happy for you? in an – American Dream come true for you – way, but alas, you too like many imposters on this site are full of shit and not much more (read – DPG). ”insiteful prose” – C?mon, even a 7th grader can spell better than that. And if you?ve really made it to PE, keep pressing that ”F7? button on every document you type. You will definitely need it unless you?re freakin studly like John Arnold; but, something tells me you might be a crappy reincarnation of Brian Hunter.

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