Monday, June 18, 2007
Sheer Suckers
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I like my women like I like my loafers: expensive, fit, and more often than not, with a bit of bling around their necks. They’re probably my two favorite things in the world, women and loafers. Put to it, I’m not even certain which one I’d pick over the other. I’d normally be tempted to select women, but, it is summer right now, meaning that until the government mandates a universally implanted, 3-month contraceptive device (sans mood swings), the winner would have to be my loafers—the ones I can safely slip into bareback.
Note: My affinity for black and brown loafers does not quite carry over to their female counterparts.
But summer means more to me than just unprotected loafer-sex. Summer means Coral Reef, Jake Blue, and Bermuda Pink. It means timeshares, outdoor dining, and Bethpage Black. It means a seersucker hoodie when it’s a bit nippy, and seersucker shorts when it’s not. Summer means various things to various people, but one thing it means for most people in finance and all of New York is: interns.
In what other scenario is a city so flooded with impressionable, overeager, and clueless minds as summer in Manhattan? I’m told there is a similar wave of little political interns towards D.C. this time of year, but frankly, I’m not even certain they get paid. And anyway, what is the overall impact of that industry when compared to that of finance? Negligible. Don’t get me wrong—activism is to be applauded, but only in hedge funds.
Back to the subject. Emotionally, summer interns act intimidated and obsequious. And even if they hate finance, they are hyper-aware of the comfort that would come with getting an offer (a feeling perhaps only comparable to early action / decision to college), and they are driven accordingly. This is their entire psychology, terribly simple and uninteresting.
Instead of dwelling on that though, let’s consider a quick cultural analysis of the average undergraduate finance summer interns in New York, which is more interesting only in that we can amuse ourselves with their naiveté:
Where They Live
From 14th Street to 200 Water, New York University dorms get filled with juniors working in finance seeking summer housing. These units sometimes also house foreign graduate students (law, even). They often are minuscule. And they, without fail, have the pungent smell of Tier Four exuding from the walls (Does the stench come from that little torch that is their emblem?).
Tragically, the time when New York University’s dormitories are filled with the most intelligent students is the summer, when very few of the students attend NYU. One can only hope the NYU administration is aware of this and hoping some of the brainpower will rub off.
Note: Frugal Midwestern State School X students interning at Houlihan H(L)okey are known to spend their entire summers in one of New York’s, communal-bathroom “youth hostels.”What They Wear
Like their unpolished speech, summer interns’ fashion is a bit too frat. They can easily be spotted by their brand spanking new canvas messenger bags and shoes from Aldo. No joke, I even saw one on the street with white socks and black pants—must have been a rough day at work for him. Interns are universally clueless, but perhaps most tragic is that many have gone out with their mothers and intentionally invested in their “sweet” new threads. Come on Intern Mom—I know this shit wasn’t acceptable in your day, either.
Where They Go Out
Summer interns beam proudly when they’re out at someplace like Bowery Bar, the South Street Seaport, or that horrendous bar in the middle of Union Square; they’re almost endearing all lined up drinking Rum & Cokes or Long Island Iced Teas or god knows what. They will also spend a fair amount of time at the Hudson Hotel, Maritime, and waiting in line outside the Gansevoort, but the summer intern will, unequivocally, wet his pants and leave the bar/club scene behind if he even hears mention of a “rooftop party” (2 Gold! 45 Wall! et.al.).
Inspecting this culturally-unrefined species, it’s frightening to think that many interns will one day join the ranks of real Bankers and leaders of their generation. It’s scary to consider the massive amount of responsibility that will be placed on those young shoulders in just a couple years. It’s almost a miracle that the system functions.
But interns aren’t all bad, and there is a bright side to having my city flooded with them—it’s even more easy than usual for an established finance guy like me to woo a young female. “Deal flow,” as it were, is greatly increased.
As a matter of fact, I’m currently filtering a list I’ve aggregated from friends still at banks for a girl intern to invite out to East Hampton for an unofficial information session. I’ll mentor and guide her through all the tough questions she’s facing: was it ok that she was having some trouble understanding how to create a restructuring model for a bankrupt corporation with multiple cross-border divisions?—Sure, girls aren’t expected to complete the difficult work anyway. Will it be tough on her as a woman in finance?—No, she’s cute. And will it be bad if she doesn’t get an offer?—Yes, she won’t be able to leverage that offer for a better one, and she might end up working at a place whose name doesn’t incite envy. Imagine that.
She’ll nod (too frequently, as if she’s in class) through all of this, and her eyes will widen when I casually tell her the tale of the credit agreement I just negotiated. It was just for the revolver; but hey, that word even turns me on. Then, when she’s sufficiently impressed, I’ll bust out my new Tods1 (white stitching and tie) which will undoubtedly push her over the top.
Hopefully, if I filter well enough, my summer intern will be one with an unnaturally clear, acne-free complexion, and I’ll be able to simultaneously experience my two favorite things in the world, sockless.
—–
1Intern chicks don’t even require the real high-end shit.
June 18th, 2007 at 11:32 am
wtf !!!!
June 18th, 2007 at 11:42 am
golden
June 18th, 2007 at 11:55 am
Perfect…especially the cheese about 2 Gold and 45 Wall….
Can you please follow-up with “How to get an Intern Chick” similar to “How to get a banker chick”….although I’m sure the former will require about 1/3rd of the explanation.
June 18th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Wow, this one seems pretty kind to the subject of ridicule
June 18th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Not all interns are simple, unpolished and naive. You were an intern once too.
June 18th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
yes, i love da summers… pimpin out a stable of young phillies as we speak…perfect for deal flow and da cash flow…
June 18th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
I read this because Gawker picked it up. Shit, as a woman I hate to admit this, but bravo dude!
June 18th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
that bar in the middle of Union Square does suck and I dont even live in Manhattan
June 18th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
ahh the sound of bedding a nice, young 22 year old intern gets me going and it’s only a fucking Monday. I just saw a couple of girls in the elevator that looked like exactly what he’s describing, it’s a good thing I hadn’t read this first or I may be in an HR meeting now instead of at the desk. I wouldn’t mind setting this week’s goal as getting a hat trick, and it might just have to start w/ tonight, given the 90 degree weather, when girls wear no bras and rarely wear panties. Anybody know any good spots on a Monday, this is usually my “stay in” night.
I will have to say that gay “i love my loafer” shit is for homoerotic types like meandjoemoomoo and Hedgie. If you care that much about your shoes, I can guarantee you ain’t fuckin as good as you should be, and the girls know it.
June 18th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Z
June 18th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
really, I hope and pray this is a parody.
June 18th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
It’s just so funny seeing the interns walking around thinking they’re hot shit b/c they’re working in a big city for a well-known firm, when they’re actually running around getting me coffee and doing all the crap work that no one else wants to do.
“Dude, I told you to make those photocopies double sided!”
June 18th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
So as a summer associate at a law firm, I can’t help but agree with your sad but true picture of our “banking world” counterparts (we’ve established a relationship akin to the Sharks and the Jets). With one caveat- don’t rule out the brown and black ones… as a “brownie” myself, I can tell you you’re ruling out a very easy contingent of “ladies.” (Smart?) Black girls love nothing more in the summer then a fling with a hot dumb guy that can get them into clubs.
June 18th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
dorothyp, this is not parody, each and every story is actually something that some of us have written in to LSO and they use our stories on this site. So, do you love working in finance? How is Prudential’s Oklahoma City branch, anyways, are they treating you well there?
June 18th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
The only difficulty with bedding a summer intern though (if they live at the NYU dorms) is the whole ID policy at the security desks. Its worse than JFK! Normally this wouldn’t be too much of a problem, but stumbling and fumbling at 4 in the morning, it can be quite a challenge.
June 18th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Bethpage Black? That’s a PUBLIC course. Wouldn’t a real banker be aspiring for Shinecock, National, or Maidstone?
June 18th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
When are we going to get a post about “How to kill off the douche-bag i-bankers and similar a-holes” who are ruining NYC?
June 18th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
classic.
June 18th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
zzzzzzzzzzz, you’ll need to find a way to make the markets fall 20% and stay there for the rest of this year and through January, that’ll definitely clear out the dead wood and send a lot of the younger ones packing and running back to mom and dad.
guestofaguest, uh, why wouldn’t you be bringing them back to your place, who’d want to crash in one of those crappy, cockroach-ridden spots anyway?
June 18th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Bandon Dunes….
June 18th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
comment from Gawker post:
“Men of Wall Street, take heed: we may be easy pickins, but all the money in the world won’t make your fat, sweaty selves look any more like the toned, scruffy bartenders we’re fucking behind your backs.”
June 18th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
1 in 4 American adults have herpes. I’m sure you’re one. Girls who are willing to have bareback sex with some idiot fling have generally been around the block. Have fun!
June 18th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
i love gawker’s comment! funny cuz it’s true.
June 18th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
lame. you are an arse.
June 18th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
The best part about naive young female interns is that they are in the twilight years of their youth and still have a good attitude. A few years in the “real world” and they will be 10x more bitter, 30 lbs heavier, and wondering why all the men their age are more interested in interns.
June 18th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Aah, comparing women to loafers… Suggestions of mild racialism… Taking time out from an obsession with bedding naive women you don’t respect in order to criticise people whose wardrobes are more “frat” than yours… You should be very proud of yourself.
June 18th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
New York is hard. You get sucked into this ultra-competitve world where you succumb, like most fragile individuals, to the status-seeking, envious, mean-spirited, and just plain nasty culture of Wall Street. You justify your existence by throwing out phrases like “in the venture capital space” or “I saw Peter Petersen the other day”……You casually mention the Ivy league business school you went to, and then, when you just can’t stand it anymore, you start a blog where you write scathing comments about the easiest targets in the world - female interns - probably because they resist your advances. Such nobility and high-mindedness. You all should get out of New York, get married, move to the suburbs, and thank God you are as lucky and as fortunate as you are.
June 18th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
the pun in that last line was bordering on genius.
June 18th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
didn’t know tods made a size 5.5 for your little bareback.. don’t worry a lot of interns say size doesn’t matter but most probably have acne.
June 18th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
The new term is not loafer it is “deal slipper”
June 18th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Did someone really post using the name “Baller Intern”? Lord help us all. Great post though - literally laughed out loud at the “deal flow” comment.
June 18th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Dealslipper
“yes, I read that”
June 18th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
LOL @ quoted person under MoneyIsAllYouGot..
Thing is, in 10 years the bartender will be serving my kids fries at a drive-thru on our way to a skiing.. actually no, because I won’t feed my kids such low class, fatty shit. “Fat, sweaty selves”.. AS IF!
June 18th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
I am shocked to find that some people still don’t realize this is satire. I shit my pants every time.
June 18th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Lawintern, soon you’ll be one of the poor bitches (that’s a gender neutral term) turning our documents, spit polishing our commitment papers, hanging off our every word and generally taking it from the most junior Analyst, let alone Associate…
June 18th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
LOL @ Gawker readers thinking its real.
June 18th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
Brilliant
June 18th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
vineyard vines is not frat.
June 18th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
playing bed of roses while making out, that gets them
June 18th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
dogg pound gansta
baller intern
???
June 18th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
All hail Lloyd - King of Bottle Service
June 18th, 2007 at 6:57 pm
Im sure an intern figures they cant catch anything by f*cking a banker raw. Most bankers dont get much ass anyway.
Believe me, talking about all the dough you make does not make up for a complete lack of personality, a big fat seamlessweb belly, and in 90% of the time: a tear-jerkingly hideous face. But hey, you MIGHT help them get an offer
June 18th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Prestigious post, as usual. Interns are quite influentials creatures indeed.
June 18th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
fuckin brilliant…this blog is to banking what entourage is to entertainment in LA.
June 18th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
those who diss the NYU dorms are morons… the NYU dorms in the summer are goldmines for young hot media and entertainment intern muffs. if you are a true balla, you can bang the hottest 19 to 21 year olds. here’s how da hustle works:
1) apply for an undergrad dorm for the summer and expect to pay around 2500 total
2) stock your room up with top shelf liquor and pure ganja
3) pretend that you are a banker intern who happen to live there (note: the m&e interns don’t give a shit that you’re a banker slave. the banker bit only legitimizes the fact that you work 24/7 and are never at da dorm)…
4) hit up the dorms thursday, friday, and saturday nights. invite all the media and entertainment young muffs over to pre-party, take them out to Marquee, Cain, Tenjune, whateva or any meatpacking spot would work…
5) take da hoes back to the dorm for the after party and shag to your heart’s content.
6) repeat every week and you’ll have a limitless stable of hot, young 19-21 year old muffs for the entire summer
fuck wedding crashing… dorm crashing is for true ballas who likem barely legal…. gyea!
June 19th, 2007 at 12:17 am
you’re totally wrong dogg pound. biggest arb is having chicks that are struggling to pay 2500 a month for dorm living check out your 10K a month palace. I used to have a 4 bedroom 3 thousand square foot place my friends referred to as the “pantie dropper”. Fact is that the interns are impressed by the same stuff as most gold digging women, they just have lower defenses.
Screw ganja, coke is the new weed and everybody knows it.
and just like most new york women, hedge fund beats banker any day of the week. Best comment from an intern i ever heard: “you’re only 2 years older than me and you make more money than my dad”.
It sucks that you work in the US. In Asia, you can hire interns purely based on looks. Then you have welcome parties where clients are invited. Fish in a barrel.
June 19th, 2007 at 7:36 am
TradeAsia, I don’t care if it was required that you sleep with the interns before you hire them, no person in their right mind would choose to go to the bird-flu capital of the world to bag interns. I have to say that I want to “big-up” my boy Dogg Pound with the 19-21 year old demographic. There is nothing more pure than the mind of a 20 year old girl, zero complications, (cross your fingers) zero diseases, and thusly, a zero percent chance they let that post-op degenerate StraightTalker hit it. I cracked up with that “seamlessweb belly” comment, very clever Bored Female Banker.
June 19th, 2007 at 7:48 am
Great satire. I hope. The tragic thing about this article is that what should be tongue-in-cheek is so often not amongst the priviledge-ridden, entitlement-obsessed moral weaklings that get excited about instrumentalizing their lives. Purely materially-oriented sophistication is simply an ironic form of complete unsophistication. This degree of navel-gazing nihilism really shouldn’t be amusing in a lighthearted way - that might be like reading Swift’s Modest Proposal and finding oneself hungry for Irish babies. The fact that it registers as remotely sane for so many on this wall just means we should be concerned - I’ll bet not many give a fuck though. That’s the problem I have here: satirical writing is only effective if the reader has any moral sensibilities at all; but I know too many people who do not and who would post precisely as others have done here. To those who posted here who actually have had the priviledge of a decent education but think the things said here are amusing in a non-satirical way - you’re sick and a waste of a society’s investment. If you think knowing the subtle class distinctions embodied by various loafers (with/sans socks) or bedding young girls makes you more of a man, you’re truly pathetic.
June 19th, 2007 at 7:52 am
i donts understands your ebonics “why bankers”… stop droppin da street lingos and enunciate in English.
June 19th, 2007 at 8:11 am
I am not sure to laugh or cry or what. I do agree interns are easy. I’ve had my share. But your love for loafers? Dude, from a fellow banker, you’re pathetic and need a life. Get over yourself. I guess you can’t pull any normal ass and keep having to fall back on 20-22 year olds (yes, they are fun) to keep believing you’re the shit
June 19th, 2007 at 8:16 am
ohhhhhhhhhh where do I start. To Back Orifice, eat a dick. I’ll leave it at that for now, you aren’t worth it. Actually, it pains me to agree w/ you about the pure mind of the 20 year olds, although there are some complications in that their friends get a disproportionate say in their decisions, etc., so either make sure to nail one of them as well on the side, covertly, or at least flirt w/ them so they can think they may have a chance at some point once you’re done w/ their friend.
I can vouch for Dogg Pound Gangsta, I saw the liquor stash and the ho’s, and it was good livin’. It didn’t hurt that he had as his main wingman in that dorm, a 21 year old kid who also worked in M&E. The two of them brought little groups of minnows to almost every one of our bottle nights out, and trust me when I say that good things happened.
To the kid in H.K. w/ the $10k apartment, so the fuck what, I worked there for a month, and frankly you could be living in a Marriot in Kowloon and bang about any local you want, if you’re into that, or go for some of the decent looking Brit expats, and again it doesn’t matter how big your place is or if it’s up above midlevels. Myself, I found a dirty Essex girl, who I met at 4am one night, and just banged her senseless for the remaining weeks I was there. It was more efficient, and as I said, she was dirty. But I couldn’t wait to get back to the greatest spot on earth, NYC. Oh and the fact that you are meeting girls whose dads make less than you actually means you’re meeting the wrong girls. Meet one whose parents own a Sagaponack estate and you’ll realize what you’ve been missing.
It kills me that I’ve become addicted to this site, though it does make for good entertainment.
June 19th, 2007 at 8:29 am
the 21 year old certainly earned his nickname of ‘lil pimp’… by the time summer was over, he skipped the 20 year olds and banged at least a dozen female bankers in their late 20s… all those requesting “how to bang a female banker” should quit seeking advice from the “seamlessweb belly” (i too liked that comment) banker losers on here and take notes from young 20 year old m&e interns… they trump you any day when it comes to game and that’s without flashing da stash…
June 19th, 2007 at 8:38 am
BNL 4 Life!!!
June 19th, 2007 at 8:45 am
that li’l pimp kid cleaned up. He used to go to those French parties and have his pick of the litter all summer long, it was a bit ridiculous. He didn’t make shit, and the girls could have cared less. They just wanted a piece of candy. Seamlessweb Belly guys, take note.
June 19th, 2007 at 9:07 am
Congratulations, You are a massive tool!
June 19th, 2007 at 9:13 am
Why Bankers are pathetic…thats one of the best things Ive ever read. You pretty much nailed most of the retards on here
June 19th, 2007 at 9:28 am
In response to “Why bankers are pathetic”, the only Irish babies I want to hear about on this site are the beautiful females from Woodlawn or Riverdale who are trying to secure financial liberty by sleeping with me. Strangely you pick up the satire of Swift’s work while missing the satire of the blog. I guess there was no community college professor holding your hand this time?
June 19th, 2007 at 9:33 am
The friend factor is a true obstacle with the young ones, but if you can get past that, a clean playing field is all yours. See, at that stage of college, the ones who had boyfriends have aschewed them for their new found friendship network through their sorority. So now they are back on the market, on the rebound and clean. And yes, I only go for sorority girls. They put out, do drugs and drink. And to Professor Why Bankers Are Pathetic, if you don’t find this hilarious, you are the one who is pathetic sir. I am not going to ask you why you read this site or even discourage you from doing so, because without social commentators like you, the comment area lacks humor. If you feel the need to come on every so often and teach us what you learned in English class at Bleeding Heart U., by all means.
June 19th, 2007 at 9:42 am
All you NYC douchebags crack me up, especially StraightTalker. French parties? Give me a break! NYC is filled with nasty European and jewish chicks from jersey. Chicago is where you find the naturally hot blondes who are in great shape. I was disgusted the last time I visited NYC.
Chicago has everything NYC has to offer, but it’s cheaper, cleaner, and has a higher quality of living. Have fun living in your tiny rat infested apartment.
June 19th, 2007 at 10:26 am
oh yea..Chicago Rules!!
I love living in a 3bdrm, 3 bthrm, 2000sq ft apartment with a view of the lake for $2000 a month.
$2000 a month gets you 400 sq ft starting at a brick wall in Manhattan.
What a complete hellhole.
June 19th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
haha, great!!!
June 19th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
….Uhm…OK then, I guess?? I think I know where Chicago is….its in Missouri right??..No, maybe Indiana???…oh, hell…its one of those worthless states somewhere between NYC and LA……Chicago….what a joke…isnt that the city that grows all those obese morons that go on Carnival Cruises, take Bus tours of Manhattan, and wear jean shorts and white reeboks on their “European Summer Vacations”….for crying out loud, you midwest bafoons give Americans our lousy reputation the world over…Ugly American, ever heard of the term…..take a look in the mirror next time you’re at your local Applebees or Arbys or wherever it is you go….and for Christs sake, get the F8ck out of the way when you visit NYC, you idiots block up the entire sidewalk!!!
June 19th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Id take a Big 10 chick over an prissy stuck up Ivy League chick anyday of the week. Big 10 chicks care more about after work running and drinking than their stupid handbags and shoes. New Yorkers truly are clueless
June 19th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
“I love living in a 3bdrm, 3 bthrm, 2000sq ft apartment with a view of the lake for $2000 a month”
But you still have to listen to those stupid accents Olaf. Midwesterners speaking is high comedy. Similar to hearing Strauss played on a kazoo.
June 19th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
….We arent talking about your chicks deushebag, whom by the way would trade your simple midwestern ass in for an NYC shooter in a Chicago, I mean NY MINUTE!, we are talking about you……and besides, no Big 10 chick ever grows up dreaming of moving to the Windy City after graduation…she moves where?? NYC! thats right, and after NYC chews her ass up and spits her out…she moves back to that pathetic excuse for a city you call home….
June 19th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Chitown ????,
Are you bitter that you got rejected by the hotties in Chicago? Maybe you should try visiting the city and check out the clubs and lounges before you write your drivel on this board. The nightlife and quality of girls is second to none, but of course, they will laugh at your fat NYC ass.
June 19th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
those who dont move back home from NYC ends up turning tricks for me… right umimpressed female?
June 19th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Fools from Chicago….I am done with you…your responses are putting me to sleep…..now, who is this “Why Bankers are Pathetic” clown???…and why have we let him skate by……….Professor Fudge Packer, your rant is not welcome here, and your miniscule knowledge of satirical writing is pathetic…..the true end game of satire is to improve humanity, which I feel is quite subjective……in our case we intend to improve humanity by bedding as many 20 year old interns over the course of the next couple months as possible…..if you’re not with us on that cause, then piss off….maybe you can meet up with the boyz from Chicago and play hide the Polish Kilbasa.
June 19th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
whats worse than the regular interns are the sales and trading interns pretending to be in banking. (baller intern)
June 19th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
fuck, now here I am agreeing w/ Back Orifice and idolizing Simply Put…..while hating these Chicago morons, I’m ashamed to have spent a brief 22 months in that town during my b-school days. Hey ‘Chicago rules’, it’s called French Tuesdays, look into it you mypoic midwest moron. Chicago is full of beer-guzzling, meat and potato, square-jawed, boring bitches. I’d love to see you list out the things Chicago has that NYC has. Actually, let me make this quicker by pointing out what it doesn’t have:
1) Decent weather in the spring, summer, fall and winter
2) More than 2 clubs w/ any scene at all on Sunday through Thursday nights…actually let’s just extend it all the way through Saturday nights.
3) Anybody who has ever lived anywhere east of Ohio or west of Iowa or south of Oklahoma.
4) People who use normal words like “soda”, “an ATM”, and “mom”, instead of “pop”, “cash machine”, and “maaaaahhhm”.
5) Any sort of buzz in the city, a vibe, decent dressed women, and the ability to drink past 1:45am without standing outside in a line of other guys waiting to enter a bar of 80% guys for the “late night” spots. There are like 2 of them, and both suck horribly.
What Chicago does have that NYC doesn’t, and is worth caring about:
1) Wrigley Field - Friday day games
2) Wiener Circle
The rest of the shit you can have it Midwest boys, it sucks.
Simply Put and Back Office have nailed it on that Why Bankers are pathetic. Though I’ll go one further, this guy sounds like he’s a limey Brit, mad at the world, depressed, and badly in need of some Coronas on a beach w/ some fun friends (doubtlful he has any), scantily clad women (hasn’t seen them in years), and a night out instead of sitting home reading Emily Dickinson novels lamenting over the decline of modern civilization. In short, you’re a fucking buzzkill, so go somewhere else where you’ll be more welcomed and where people will appreciate your poetic bitching. I actually know who that Chitown Baby clown is, and trust me, you aren’t in good company. He sits at the pool at the Vegas Hard Rock and complains about being hot, bored and eventually leaves the pool to go hit the sports book inside for a while.
Did-anybody-else-notice-”Why Bankers are pathetic”’s-over-use-of-hyphens;
and semi-colons? Look if any youngins on here need someone to edit their b-school essays, send them to this clown. Or if you are simply feeling high on life and happy and are looking for a way to lose that feeling (anti-ecstasy, basically), talk to Why Bankers are pathetic, he’ll change your mind.
June 19th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
“fuckin brilliant…this blog is to banking what entourage is to entertainment in LA. ”
Actually, Doug Ellin has an Entourage-esque show about hedgies in the works..
June 19th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Straight Talker,
You obviously never left Hyde Park when you lived here because you clearly are talking out of your fat ass.
1. NYC during summer is one of the most disgusting places in the country. It’s hot and humid, with millions of people cramped on a small island. Add to this the smell of garbage, and NYC summer is nothing more than a hellhole. Chicago has Lake Michigan, which is an awesome place to jog and play sports.
2. The nightlife in Chicago is amazing. There’s something going on every night. Stone Lotus, Rino, Underground, Manor, Enclave, Level, Y Bar, and Narcisse, are just a few of the happening clubs and lounges. The girls there are some of the hottest you’ll see in the country, but of course, they don’t go for fat NYC douchebags like yourself.
3. The energy here is incredible. Walk on Rush Street on a summer afternoon, and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Awesome restaurants, shops, and beautiful women everywhere.
As I said before, Chicago has everything NYC has, minus the ridiculous rent, pretentious faggots like you, and materialistic jewish chicks.
June 19th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Chicago sucks. They don’t call it Second City for nothin’.
June 19th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Chicago,
If you don’t like materialistic Jewish chicks, you’re pretty much unamerican.
June 19th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
UpperEastSide4Life,
Jewish chicks are nasty. I go for blonde sorority chicks from Big 10 schools. They’re hot, fun, and laid back. Basically, they’re real American chicks.
June 19th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Sounds nice but not my type. I prefer a dark-haired and freckled chick, who just spilled an $8 vodka and cran on her $1,000 Luis Vuitton bag… basically any girl stumbling out of Dorrian’s post 2:30 am with a sweaty brow from all that fist pumping. What do you do on a date with a girl from a Big 10 school anyway? Milk cows or harvest some wheat? Sounds pretty sweet, bro.
June 19th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
only $8?
June 19th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
He’s so right about interns going bobble head
June 19th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
UpperEastSide4Life,
You’ve obviously never seen the hot chicks in Chicago. These girls are not only hotter but more laid back and less high maintenance. You can go drink with them at a bar, bang them at night, and then go to Lake Michigan with them on the afternoon, without dropping loads of cash. God, I feel sorry for all you NYC douchebags.
June 19th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
boys and potential shags… i’m off to a roof top party with guess what ……INTERNS! … happy huntings! i think i’m going to pull me a midwest big 10 intern, that’s what i’m feeling today…
June 19th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Laugh all you want at us interns. Got stock options?
June 19th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
You’re right, I’ve never seen hot girls in Chicago, but then again, I’ve only been there about 10 times. Although I have to admit there’s nothing sexier than a Big 10 girl with a nice beer belly who can take down an entire Weiner Circle hot dog in one bite. I would’ve loved to go to a Big 10 school but, unfortunately, I got waitlisted at both the University of Iowa’s school of barn-raising and at Indiana’s crop-dusting program. Although I’m hoping to one day save up enough money to retire in one of Chicago’s awesome suburbs, like Gary, Indiana.
June 19th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Blackstone Intern, you are my idol.
June 19th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
Blackstone inter… where’s the party tonight for the hot ass? where are all your M&E friends going?
June 19th, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Chicago -
you can’t seriously compare the heat and humidity of New York with Chicago. Chicago is worse than hell in the summer. anyone die in a heatwave yet?
the nightlife and party atmosphere in New York is far better than Chicago. Anything Chicago has to offer (i.e. some variation of a fratastic bar), New York has…and much much more.
and what’s the big deal about getting a big10 girl? they’re pathetic dogs compared to sun-belt colleges (FSU, Arizona, USC, Texas).
and the big10 sucks in football.
June 19th, 2007 at 7:20 pm
airhead,
Chicago might have higher temperature during the summer, but the city is spread out. People in Manhattan are packed together like a can of sardines, which exacerbates the heat and humidity. I thought I was gonna die when I visited NYC a few summers ago.
The nightlife in Chicago is amazing. It has more bars per capita than any city in the country, and the clubs and lounges are some of the best out there.
I admit that sun belt girls are better. But aside from LA, Scottsadale AZ, Vegas, and Miami, Chicago has the hottest girls in the country. It simply blows NYC away.
June 19th, 2007 at 8:14 pm
I don’t know which is worse: the usual mass retard riot with no capacity for this site (now with reinforcements from the Gawker link), or the Chicago v. NYC elephant walk circling the message board.
Interns… some of you are cool. Some of you are gimps. Last Tuesday, when I asked you all to get us shack burgers, you happily complied. When I tell you next week we’re having (i.e., you’re getting) cheesesteaks from Pat’s and Geno’s, please don’t be the one who squeaks, “the ones in Philly?” Sure, you might think I’m an ass. John in Global Healthcare never made you do anything when you were over there. But John goes home and puts his dick between the couch cushions to practice for that thing with hooves he’s taking down from Bar None come Friday night.
I was an intern, I had to do it, and I tried to be a sport, even with a hearty mouthful of shit sandwich. Come weekend, instead of watching John hump air on the west side, the good guys were taking me out. And so it is with you.
June 19th, 2007 at 9:16 pm
nyc has dis… chicago has dat… la has twat… miami has blah… stop comparing which city has da best hoes… compare what you can pull… it doesn’t matter what city has what kinda hoes… it comes down to what you can pull… unless you can pull an 8 or above… there’s no point in blabbering about what your city has to offer… what can you pull? that’s ultimately what matters…
aiight chumps… just changed into my dancing gear… about to head to Marquee for a Maxim Party… gyea!
i’m feeling a big 10, jewish chica, who has been living in the sunbelt for da past year…
June 19th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
How about updating this site more often? I hate waiting a whole month to read something.
June 19th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
who the heck is this Chicago rules guy and what sort of southside Chicago crack is he smoking? Cabrini Green bitch. Chicago has little beer taps on every corner, and they suck. Filled w/ Big 10 losers who can’t bag a bitch to save themselves. I’m sure the clubs and lounges are awesome compared to Indianapolis, Milwaukee, and Omaha, dude get a freaking clue. Have you been anywhere in this country or the world? Chicago ain’t hit, trust me/us.
June 20th, 2007 at 12:26 am
hey, it’s lindsey from nebraska, i’m interning at Bride Magazine for the summer. i went to a party at Marquee and thought I’d never get in. i met Sebastian (ooops dogg pound gangsta) while i was number 25 in line, he pulled up with his gangsta lean, swooped me off my feet, and wisked me past the VIP. he bought me some kinda drink called a mohito that tasted like toothpaste. i drank it all night. now, i am at his loft (ooops crib) and just took my clothes off. i’m about to let him “thug me out”, whatever that means. i’m in nyc and having the time of my life. he is so suave and debonair. i guess i won’t be a virgin come dawn. oh well, NYC i’ve succumbed to your charms…*sigh* why aren’t the cornfed guys in lincoln like these nyc ballers.
well, talk to you later. Lindsey from omaha…hehe
June 20th, 2007 at 7:48 am
If you were anything other than a wannabe, you would not be playing golf at Bethpage, my friend. Enjoy your 5 hour round of golf with the rest of New York!
You used to be entertaining…..
June 20th, 2007 at 8:04 am
Louis Winthorp…good to see CS is still the same… fuckin hilarious post
The only redeeming aspect of my summer spent at CSFB was its proximity to shake shack.
June 20th, 2007 at 8:50 am
Something here screams, “Poser!”
Is it the shoes, Bethpage, or the interns? I don’t know it’s just not consistent.
Here are some things you won’t do this summer:
-Hook up with an intern
-Break 100 on Black
-Commit capital
June 20th, 2007 at 9:20 am
anybody lacking the creativity to come up w/ a name other than the default Anonymous is a pillow-biter, plain and simple.
June 20th, 2007 at 9:27 am
WTF??? who’s been using my nome du plume???
June 20th, 2007 at 9:37 am
Shouldn’t you banking pussies stop wasting time and get back to jerking it to excel before your md finds out?
June 20th, 2007 at 9:42 am
bar none is the shit
June 20th, 2007 at 11:52 am
I’ll tell you one thing Chicago has that New York doesn’t: 17 year Cicadas. How’s that going for you guys?
June 20th, 2007 at 11:53 am
Interns, Interns, Interns
Some are just clueless, others admit they were just hired cause they were good looking, but in the end having 3 work for me is a beautiful thing.
June 20th, 2007 at 6:03 pm
i fucked your momma, i even fucked your cat.
i would have fucked your sister but the bitch was too fat! gyea! as some homo on here says.
June 20th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
hey, what’s wrong with tapping a little 20-year old ass while it’s still impressionable and idealistic? As one previous poster mentioned, it’s good to hit the interns now before the cold “real world” of NYC makes them bitter and dries up their p*ssies.
June 20th, 2007 at 10:40 pm
Problem is you will never even get close to tapping an intern so I hope your loafers are ‘accomodating’ to your needs
June 21st, 2007 at 12:03 am
i’m restless… it’s already thursday… only 20 hours from the pre-party with the 19-21 year olds at da NYU dorms… 20 hours from a weekend of bliss… of barely legal interns telling me about their dreams of being the next editor of Elle or Cosmo…23 hours before they snuggle up to my cramped NYU single bed… 23 hours and 15 minutes before they shed their Pink panties and allow me to introduce them to NYC at its finest… ahhhhh the sweet sweet smell of NYC summer, coupled with a tinge of midwest muff…
is there anything better?
testes-testes what’s my usual term? since you took notice, i’ll let you fill in da blank _________!… spell it right and i might let you into da entourage…
June 21st, 2007 at 1:59 am
To all you idiots bitching about which city has hotter girls….YOU’RE ALL FUCKING RETARDED. DP Gangsta had it right: quit arguing about the city’s potential, talk about what you pull. And in any case, I’ve lived in Prague and Munich for some time…girls there are far superior than 95% of US girls. Trust me when I say this: Guys in US have to work much harder to get similar quality ass as compared to Prague/Munich.
June 21st, 2007 at 2:59 am
Munich?? Never knew it had such potential. London is great these days as it has become so cosmopolitan, but the best women are and always will be in Paris, lets be honest.
June 21st, 2007 at 5:08 am
Some interns wear Christian Loubotins, and Armani Collezioni.
June 21st, 2007 at 6:05 am
Hello. That’s because Prague and Munich are practically third world countries. Those girls’ expectations aren’t gonna be that high.
June 21st, 2007 at 6:22 am
To IB down under, eat shit.