Tuesday, December 12, 2006

My Midday Stroll

In New York City, there exists an area known as “The Financial District.” More commonly known as the “FiDi,” this area is home to the city’s brightest, most attractive, and best paid individuals. The FiDi is the cultural epicenter of New York City.

And within this epicenter, there is an epi-epicenter: 85 Broad, Goldman Sachs’ main offices. This is where our story takes place.

Most days for lunch, I try to sneak away for about 15 minutes. Some people like to cut it down to about 4 mins and come back to check their fantasy teams during the other 11. Not me. Since I started working, I’ve always liked to use my small respite to take a walk around the office and down the majestic Stone Street. To me, the fresh air in my hair and that feeling of cobblestone under my feet is consummate Wall Street.

Today during my stroll, I walk by the good ole’ Ulysses Tavern. The façade invokes memories of my first week at Goldman, and I remember when we all used to go in there after work and get housed on Stella. I made out with a hot HCM (Human Capital Management, or HR) girl there once; she was as dumb as a brick, and I loved every second of it.

Back then, the world was all daffodils and pink shirts and saving the world one IPO at a time. A little technology, some media, and a bit of telecom in there for good measure, and it was happy days for all. Everything was bright, everyone was nice, and my outlook was achingly positive.

But today, two years later, I can feel that something inside of me has changed, or perhaps died. I am doing the same short tour I’ve done God knows how many times, but now, I can’t even walk down this fucking street without wanting to rip the faces off all these douchebags that I see. Out of all these Ivy League graduates and rockstar MBAs, not a single one has a clue how to dress, no one knows how to talk, and fuck, none of these people even knows how to walk right.

Am I the only real Banker left around here? Seriously, are these people aware how clueless they are? Do they not know how much of an embarrassment they are to the world’s premier Investment Bank? Jesus.

So, this is the question I pose to the people I see on my walk today:

“What the fuck are you thinking?”

***

Yo Shaun White, nice beanie! Too bad this is Banking, not the fucking X-Games.

***

Don’t you bitches have fucking jobs?

***

Time to buy some lifts for your shoes, bitch!

***

You are my only significant competition for biggest swinging dick on this block.

***

OMFG your face is gnarlier than the spreadsheet I was looking at 10 minutes ago!!

***

Peace Love and Gap!

***

Yo Julio, I spilled some Red Bull on my desk. Grab your mop and go clean that shit up.

***

50$ off all blue, Big & Tall suits at Men’s Warehouse!

***

Hmm…

Hey sweet dudes! No retail bankers allowed, huh? There’s a Pax around the block, boys!

***

Yo cuff-master, this ain’t 9th grade, and that building ain’t your uncle’s po-dunk company’s headquarters. Get some fucking real gear. And no, do not look to L.L. Bean over there for inspiration.

***

Fuck affirmative action.

***

UGH…You can be legacy at community college?

***

Revolting. Frankly, seeing all these worthless people everywhere is starting to give me migraines. It’s physically painful for me to even walk around here for too long anymore.

So what am I to do about this two year, daily tradition that represented all my hopes and dreams for Banking?

Fuck it, I’ll just cut that shit down to 4 minutes and start playing fantasy…


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  1. +9 votes + -
    cory b. Said:

    this piece is exactly what i needed today.

  2. +8 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    Never fails to disappoint, but is Logan getting a little personal with these pictures? Slightly more of a prose fan when it comes to my dose of LSO but I guess we?ll take what we can get. ”X-games” and ”Potato futures” were classic!

  3. -9 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    Pictures were a nice change, but stick to the prose. We can all find Glamour?s Do?s/Don?ts spread in HR.

  4. +11 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    You are a horrible human being. Not because of your clever little way of showing it, but because you know you are and don?t care.

  5. +45 votes + -
    Equity Private Said:

    No Goldman type would capitalize ”god” unless it was a self-referencing term.

  6. -4 votes + -
    amish Said:

    hahahahaha. the BSD one was my favorite. well done.

  7. -10 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    Wow, looks like someone was featured in the pictures. Which fashion DON?T are you?

  8. -11 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    This one?s stupid

  9. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Genius, pure genius?

  10. +7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    You are a tool. I can?t believe you wasted 5 minutes on that.

  11. -5 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    This is fricking hilarious. People who don?t like it are probably the ones wearing french cuffs with no ties or suits from bananna republic. Keep up the good work!

  12. +14 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I don?t give a fuck. I cuff-over-sweater everyday AND collar-pop bellow sport jacket!

  13. +30 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    there is nothing quite like two fat, matching banker buddies holding Subway bags.

  14. -7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I truly like the posts that come up ever so sporadic and thought this one had potential to the racism started spouting like a broken pipe. WTF does affirmative action, mopping up spills, etc. have to do with fashion? Was the fashion faux pas that these ppl are of color? That?s why I?m SO glad I got off of The Street with all you racist Jewish and WASPy boys.

  15. +32 votes + -
    FCuffs Said:

    WTF is wrong with french cuffs with no tie! I rock it steady. I also go to meetings with my sac hanging out of my zipper, tho.

  16. -24 votes + -
    Day Trader Said:

    Hilarious. You know what?s the most annoying, though, is when you see a first-year trader for Goldman Sachs, eg. that thinks he?s the bomb cuz he?s getting 75K starting yet hasn?t made a g*ddamn single trade in his pathetic, miserable life. What?s even more satisfying is when I actually make that and then some day trading and getting off of work 5 minutes after the close. Bamn, bitches.

  17. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    loved the TMT subtle shout-out

  18. +1 votes + -
    macacawitz and kramer LLP Said:

    okay fuck, that was funny.

  19. +24 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    While one can certainly make the case that proper dress is very important in a services business (yes, IB falls under the same economic umbrella as waiting tables or cleaning port-o-johns), the other seems to ridicule cost-conscious clothing buyers as much as perpetrators of more egregious sartorial faux paus. An off-the-rack (or off-brand) suit, if properly chosen, is perfectly acceptable attire. In many cases the only difference is the bulge in the wearer?s back pocket (due to extra hundred dollar bills in the wallet). There was once a time when bankers were frugal. A 93% increase in net income for the year might make you feel good, but your jobs are all vulnerable in the longer term to the same off-shoring that has already corrupted the very high-fashion brands you most cherish.

  20. +22 votes + -
    Charles Brathwaite Said:

    You are quite the little twat yeah, being all of 24 and thinking you?re so clever with your little blog and banker job. Perhaps we will all be so lucky as to see your snotty tight arse run over by a bus. Go fuck yourself cunt.

  21. +22 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Seriously, seriously racist.

  22. +1 votes + -
    lookin for ya! Said:

    The person (Logan?) who posted all these insults about strangers minding their own business is obviously too chicken to post his own photo. Please, post it. Then I?ll be able to recognize you on Stone Street, hiding behind your cheap little camera. Wimp.

  23. +3 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    There?s 5 minutes I?ll never get back. You manage to sound like a total douchebag in a relatively short span of time. Congrats.

  24. +48 votes + -
    EV Said:

    So many things are amazing about this post. I love it. there really were different standards on the street a few years ago. people got sent HOME for wearing the wrong thing. a former boss of mine who got his first gig with Jim Rogers loved to tell the story of going to lunch with him wearing brown loafers with tassels. ”No!” shouted Jim, pointing at his feet. ”F! That is an F!!!” the attitude crosses over to the calibre of work you?re doing?because the last generation of the real talented contrarians, the eccentrics, the banker?s bankers, dies a little more every year?have conversations with each new crop of banana republic groupies and you?ll see first hand that all the accounting minor from Bucknell ever taught them was that blue shirt plus khakis equals acceptance. Worse, there?s fewer and fewer leaders left to teach them otherwise. This fing street wasn?t built on conformity – 10 years ago a job wasn?t a given, or a fifth year of college, or one more step to an increasingly worthless Stern nightschool degree. it was an ”in” and you paid for it with your pride and hard lessons that were worth it. And to the guy who talked about frugal bankers -buying a men?s wearhouse suit is not the same thing. I got my first job working for a female partner who owned six tailored well-made chanel suits and rotated them for 10 years (I?m positive she?s been wearing them longer than that). They went from the plane to the boardroom and all over Europe without a wrinkle. she was so anal she used to make me take off binder clips from books before I threw them out and save them. She expensed subway tokens. But the woman who dyes her hair at the drugstore?not the same. see the difference? the PMD in the impeccable suit who shuns starbucks in favor of shitty cart coffee in a greek lettered cup = character. Fat bastard in a $200 blazer that cost 50 cents to make, eating a subway meatball sub with a side of sunchips cause he doesn?t have the balls to take his colleague out for a decent lunch and then try to expense it = pathetic.

  25. +27 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    This post is one Phil Collins essay away from being American Psycho: the blog.

  26. +11 votes + -
    Jader Said:

    I know exactly what you?re saying. I can?t stand these pricks who think they?re God?s gift to the world. I?ve only been down here six months but these people are already making me feel like Scrooge in my people-hating. Do people really refer to it as FiDi?

  27. -14 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    You just wasted my precious time, reading about your unimportant ridiculous opinion

  28. -15 votes + -
    also lookin' for ya! Said:

    What a pathetic little twerp you are, and just because you know you are that doesn?t make it any better. I?d like to see what stunning fashion choices you make. My guess is working in the Financial Sector, you?re not all that. You?re a racist too?asshole.

  29. -6 votes + -
    PE Rockstar Said:

    EV, very well said. I could not agree with you more. That is the difference between frugal class, and character ? where are the real ivy league bankers? I see so many tier 50 schools applying for PE ? Bucknell, Fordham, UNC, etc. to name a few. Where is Princeton when you need it?

  30. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Sorry, but this isn?t one of your better entries. Very disappointing.

  31. +11 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘In New York City, there exists an area known as The Financial District.??? More commonly known as the FiDi,??? this area is home to the citys brightest, most attractive, and best paid individuals. The FiDi is the cultural epicenter of New York City.” Um- I don?t think this has been true since about 1987. Then again, the only people who still believe this are still slaving away at IBanks. Brainwashing sure is a bitch.

  32. +2 votes + -
    Alex Said:

    Fuck ivy league, it?s all about incomprehensible foreigners, multi-cultists, hairy feminists, and African Studies majors now. Jim Rogers is full of shit about tassel loafers. Tassel loafers are a classic American business shoe. Ask Bruce Boyer. But then again, Rogers is from the South so he may have, um, different standards?(do people even wear shoes in the South???) This is one of the funniest, most un-PC blogs I?ve read in a while. Thanks for a good laugh!

  33. +6 votes + -
    anon Said:

    nice work on taking down the HCM chick

  34. +21 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Ha. Don?t ya?ll realize this is a satire!? The writer of LSO is satirizing pretentious FiDi douches through the first-person perspective of a fictitious character, not primarily the people in the photos. Though the photos make me feel a bit uncomfortable at times, they add a bit of realism that makes the satire that much more striking. Continue fighting the good fight!

  35. -6 votes + -
    anon Said:

    What. A. Fucking. Tool.

  36. +7 votes + -
    A Nanny Mouse Said:

    Do people really not understand that the person being mocked is the ”person” behind the camera? Just because it?s in first person doesn?t mean it represents the views of the writer.

  37. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Amazing.

  38. -11 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘Goldman Sachs Earns $3.15 Billion in Quarter, up 93%” – Someone is doing something right?

  39. +20 votes + -
    dh Said:

    writing a double-sided satire is hard and you, my friend, have nailed it

  40. +16 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    Because fashion advice always means more coming from someone who uses Photoshop CD speech bubbles and a Comic Sans font in his header.

  41. -13 votes + -
    Racist Said:

    Totally Racist Sad You were funny, now you?re just a sad bitter loser

  42. -7 votes + -
    Matt Said:

    re: racist?s post We now call that the ”Michael Richards Effect”

  43. -3 votes + -
    Hackspotter Said:

    Could have been quite funny. Unfortunately lame.

  44. +23 votes + -
    chill the f- out Said:

    Too many posts here fail to understand the concept of SATIRE?the writer is not a racist or uber-elitist, the character he?s writing about is? The problem is that these people posting are so insecure that they immediately become defensive when a joke hits too close to home?

  45. -5 votes + -
    fuckedyourmom Said:

    hey fucktard, how was that Sigma Phi Rush Week? I et you still have anus scars from all your ”brothers” You little bitches still get togehter and talk about the flat assed bitches you fucked back in the day while listening to Dave Mathews? I am gonna fuck you mother with a hot iron

  46. -4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    wow, youre a douchebag

  47. -14 votes + -
    bob Said:

    Dude, with so much good material out there to make fun of these Ibanker douches about you?re really scraping the barrel. Not only are you not very funny, but If I had to guess I?d say you were a small dicked, premature ejaculating asshole with a major chip on the shoulder. Let?s see you?re picture asswipe, or are you too much of a pussy to show yourself? By the way as if it hasn?t been said enough times- You?re a racist. Loser.

  48. -6 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    could have been funny? unfortunately the writing isn?t.

  49. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    This is hilarious. I work in the FiDi, in that other Goldman office on Maiden Lane, and all this shit is true. Douchebags all of them.

  50. +2 votes + -
    Matt Said:

    Well we have no idea what the author intends?all we have is the persona evidenced on the blog, and that is what we are attacking.

  51. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Revolting.

  52. -3 votes + -
    Anderton Gary Said:

    Dude! You know what?s totally GNARLY? H8tin (just following your style guide, LSO) on blacks and hispanics! They totally don?t deserve to breathe! And being a Jew I don?t even know how to SPELL ironi! -LSO, typin? with one hand cuz I ROCK LIKE THAT etc. etc. insert more trite moronic LSO-style ”witticisms”.

  53. -32 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Hope you don?t work for Goldman?I sent this to HR. I hope i find out who you are.

  54. +1 votes + -
    STR8 FLSH Said:

    RE: > G_d bless the Hustle!!!! but how could the firm be up so much and the Alpha fund be down 12%. ? Sounds like the good ole ENRON math?

  55. +17 votes + -
    Ben Said:

    EV had it right to begin with. The Financial community has lost a certain aspect of their character by lowering the standards of dress within their offices and not passing along the knowledge that they used to in regards to general work and life. The gentleman that has a problem with Fraternities obviously was rejected several times by the worst chapter on campus. I am sorry buddy but your attack on fraternities only shows your ignorance in the matter. The rest of you either get what LSO portrays or are completely lost in the matter. It is sad really, because if you saw this blog for what it really is, you would understand that someone out there is trying to show you that people actually think this way. Not necessarily the author but people he works with and interacts with on a daily basis. My take is at least someone isn?t so scared to admit that these thoughts still exist in the most prominent part of our country and put them out on this blog for people to read. Obviously these thoughts invoke mixed feelings, specifically the racist comments. Well if this fictitious piece of work creates those emotions in you, do something other than waste my time by writing your ridiculous comments without any action other than typing a few comments of hate towards the author.

  56. +2 votes + -
    Glorious Said:

    Not sure if I agree with the Cottage shout-out.. he didnt exactly look like a football player. Better change it to Cap just to make sure.

  57. +50 votes + -
    So Good Said:

    The comments on these articles are even better than the articles themselves (and the articles are hilarious)! There are three types of dumb people who post here, as far as I can tell: 1) The people who think the author is serious, and are offended (as opposed to realizing the author is on their side); 2) The people who actually agree with what the author says, thinking he?s serious; 3) Either of the above, who can?t spell, or use words like ”fucktard”, and then insult the author?s writing. How is it possible that there are this many people in finance who don?t understand satire? I?m starting to think I-Banking doesn?t require a vivid imagination or sense of humor?.

  58. -13 votes + -
    Amy Said:

    Maybe because this post was hardly satire, it was just retarded.

  59. +2 votes + -
    anonymously yours Said:

    Dear Lord, this post was the best yet. It truly is a pleasure to know I?m not alone in my disgust of where Wall St. is going.

  60. -2 votes + -
    Grim Reaper Said:

    you know, of course, that soulless, miserable human beings like yourself will get cancer and die a miserable, wasting death. I am waiting for you to join me in hell.

  61. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    well done – I enjoyed this one to the max? Keep fucking skulls with ur genius bro? To all you haters, I can?t wait till this true son of God takes a photo of you from up close so we can see your huge forehead. His shit is ill, you all are retarded.

  62. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    brilliant – made my day

  63. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    The author doesn?t work for GS or any other bank. Is it not obvious the author is ridiculing the banker ego?

  64. +3 votes + -
    Louis Winthorp Said:

    I love every post on LSO for each?s ability to bring the gimps out of the woodwork in the comments section. I am so glad some of you found the time between Huck Finn book burnings to wave your Pace flag. Seriously, get bent.

  65. +1 votes + -
    Grim Reaper Said:

    I have a special place of misery and suffering in Hades for imbeciles like our doomed author and those who post comments using juvenile insults such as ”retarded” and lame phrases such as ”to the max”. You shall recieve the anal raping of a thousand hardened prison inmate while you are forced to lick the boots of the good people you insult. Accept the wretched death that awaits you?

  66. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    These Comments are amazing? And to think how retarded I really am, yesterday I was thinking about shorting LSO to buy LongOrShort Capital!

  67. +1 votes + -
    a Said:

    change ”time to buy some potato futures” to ”time to buy some cheeseburger futures”

  68. +2 votes + -
    anon Said:

    Go back to work, slaves.

  69. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    im almost ashamed to say it but I laughed my damn ass off the whole way through

  70. -4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    this one was pretty weak

  71. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I?m going to say almost everyone here has no idea what a great suit is. That tag inside your pocket means nothing. Most bankers have no sartorial imagination, meaning they?ll stick to blue suit, blue shirt, blue tie, black shoes.

  72. +1 votes + -
    Alex Masterley III Said:

    ‘Sartorial imagination”? WTF? Leave your ”sartorial imagination” to the chicks, faggots, and flower children. Banking isn?t a fucking fashion parade. I bet you wear square-toed shoes, shiny shirts, and cuffless trousers. Incidentally, it?s amusing to watch all of the nig-nogs and assorted colored gangster-wannabes get worked about this blog. In fact it?s hilarious!

  73. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous ok Said:

    Hasn?t been a funny post since BigLaw. This was weak.

  74. +1 votes + -
    jane doe Said:

    and sadly so many of these banana republic-wearing, tag heuer watch sporting, finance/frat types invade the east village en masse – if not already live there in some overpriced generic mid-rise – trashing our streets, clogging traffic, and generally acting like the meatheads they all really are . . . where do the big wall street boys play?

  75. -7 votes + -
    One of the ''Fucking bitches'' Said:

    Yes, we all have jobs?excellent ones in fact. While you may claim that you only have minutes for lunch? you apparently have lots of free time to walk around like a loser with a little camera and posting crap like this. Perhaps you should spend your plethora of free time seeking to find a friend, a life, or someone who just gives a shit what you have to say.

  76. -1 votes + -
    Fucktard Said:

    The gentleman that has a problem with Fraternities obviously was rejected several times by the worst chapter on campus. I am sorry buddy but your attack on fraternities only shows your ignorance in the matter. Yeah, what was the fraternity screed all about? And what?s wrong with flat-assed bitches and Dave Matthews? That was no gentleman, BTW. That was a Womyn?s Center troll bringing their special brand brand of rage, poor body image, and utter lack of irony to Manhattan post-BA. Get a life, you unhappy roaches.

  77. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Bret Easton Ellis called, he wants his voice back.

  78. -3 votes + -
    Biggest Fan This is Stan Said:

    GOAT. That honestly was amazing. Hahahahaha. btw, GOAT = Greatest Of All Time

  79. -5 votes + -
    Ya Moms Said:

    You?re a horrible human being?fuck the racism and sexism?you?re a fucking idiot for thinking that being a ”real banker” makes you anything other than a turd on a log. Get a real job.

  80. +21 votes + -
    Mike Church Said:

    I?ll point out the REAL reason why the old ”gentleman bankers” loathe the newcomers: during the Bateman days, banking wasn?t very competitive and the hours weren?t so ridiculous. Now, with banking open to anyone willing to sacrifice his or her youth, it?s ruthlessly competitive and no longer hospitable to people who ”summer”. The only good jobs left in investment banks are in trading and the ”quant” positions, for which the mathematical entry-bar blocks the 25th-percentile Ivy grads who populate most of what we call ”investment banking”. Now that the investment banking industry no longer discriminates based on the prep school one attended, and the table at which one sat while at that prep, anyone can get in and it has become a brutal contest of hourage one-up-manship, making everyone miserable. Client service is not intellectually demanding? a 110 IQ suffices and 120+ makes the work boring? leaving two things on which to compete: either (1) upper-class cultural capital, or (2) empty ambition and reckless striverism. In the Bateman days, bankers competed on #1; Bateman?s lack of fashion, despite his wealth, is why Bateman?s social status among his peers was so low. (Despite American Psycho?s status as the Bible of young professionals, Bateman is intended as a loser and *not* a ”prestigious” person.) Now bankers compete on #2, which is good for the upper-middle-class kids who previously wouldn?t have gotten in, but bad for the upper-crust old board who didn?t have to work 90-hour weeks until recently. Of course, none of this really matters, since the service provided by the investment banks is pretty fungible. Global competition is inevitable, and 50 years from now, our grandchildren will laugh if told that people were paid several thousand dollars an hour for this kind of work.

  81. -3 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    this piece was weak. you really are selling out to all the pressure for a new post

  82. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘RE: > G_d bless the Hustle!!!! but how could the firm be up so much and the Alpha fund be down 12%. Sounds like the good ole ENRON math ” lol?this must be the daytrader? you guys are clueless

  83. +5 votes + -
    anon Said:

    I can?t believe the number of idiotic and hate-filled posts which miss the point. I hope this leads to a moment of self reflection for all of you dumbasses. Happy bonus season!

  84. +7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘Ill point out the REAL reason why the old gentleman bankers??? loathe the newcomers: during the Bateman days, banking wasnt very competitive and the hours werent so ridiculous. Now, with banking open to anyone willing to sacrifice his or her youth, its ruthlessly competitive and no longer hospitable to people who summer???. The only good jobs left in investment banks are in trading and the quant??? positions, for which the mathematical entry-bar blocks the 25th-percentile Ivy grads who populate most of what we call investment banking???. Now that the investment banking industry no longer discriminates based on the prep school one attended, and the table at which one sat while at that prep, anyone can get in and it has become a brutal contest of hourage one-up-manship, making everyone miserable. Client service is not intellectually demanding??” a 110 IQ suffices and 120+ makes the work boring??” leaving two things on which to compete: either (1) upper-class cultural capital, or (2) empty ambition and reckless striverism. In the Bateman days, bankers competed on #1; Batemans lack of fashion, despite his wealth, is why Batemans social status among his peers was so low. (Despite American Psychos status as the Bible of young professionals, Bateman is intended as a loser and *not* a prestigious??? person.) Now bankers compete on #2, which is good for the upper-middle-class kids who previously wouldnt have gotten in, but bad for the upper-crust old board who didnt have to work 90-hour weeks until recently. Of course, none of this really matters, since the service provided by the investment banks is pretty fungible. Global competition is inevitable, and 50 years from now, our grandchildren will laugh if told that people were paid several thousand dollars an hour for this kind of work.” the funny thing about all this, is that Wall Street is a magnet for the hypercompetitive; however, you could probably return to the 80?s type system without the required pedigree if you were willing to sack up and move to China or some other decent emerging market. Do all of us drones just sit here finger-banging the e in lower manhattan or London because we thrive on the competition or just because we lack the creativity and/or balls to pick up and move somewhere with significant upside potinetial?.

  85. +5 votes + -
    B;tche$GoneBonkers Said:

    RE: > G_d bless the Hustle!!!! but how could the firm be up so much and the Alpha fund be down 12%. Sounds like the good ole ENRON math ??? lolthis must be the daytrader you guys are clueless.. Damn right ima trader..2x $$ for less hrs & BS..out @4PM ..just in time to jzz in your girls eye after happy hr (while your hole punchin pitch books) and back just in time to dabble at opening of the Asian mkts.. (while your hittn off your VP Hideki NG with a BeeeeJAYYY)

  86. +4 votes + -
    ANON Said:

    ‘Hideki NG” LMAO?He?s real? he?s got a point ?work to live not live to work?

  87. +10 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I just stumbled upon this website and it is absolutely hilarious. I feel bad for all you bankers. If you would like to relieve yourself of this cruel lifestyle become a real estate developer. We make more money than you and work less hours.

  88. +9 votes + -
    corporate punk Said:

    Goldman Sachs Earns $3.15 Billion in Quarter, up 93%??? That?s because they?ve conned a bunch of morons into buying some SLCs. I love when you punk-ass bankers come to town and try to convince us of how much you know about our company and/or strategy, when in fact you don?t know shit. Instead, you?re up until 3am inputting numbers into a spreadsheet. You couldn?t run anything if your life depended on it. Your sad ass instead depends on daddy?s $250K donation to Harvard because you were too worthless to get in on your own.

  89. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    FYI, corporate punk, 250K doesn?t cut it at Harvard. Perhaps it did for you at BU, but it doesn?t fly in the majors. Add 3 more zeros and you?re getting a little closer.

  90. +6 votes + -
    anonymously yours Said:

    it takes 250m to secure a spot at harvard!? i hope that?s exaggeration?i would think 2.5-5m should do it, no?

  91. +3 votes + -
    Golden Sachs Said:

    Classic!!! Murray Hill: 1.03- Bonus Season!!!!

  92. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    oh the delusions of those outside the gates ? so entertaining!

  93. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    if you even need to ask, you aren?t worthy to be tapped. be gone you prole.

  94. +4 votes + -
    Just and Equitable Principals of Trade Said:

    Can I get a ruling on my red suspenders with gold dollar signs? Campy or trying too hard? And Wall Street?s dead because the Exchange is tits up. Hybrid made the floor a ghost town, last one out turn off the lights. 404 drove off all the foreign money anyway. It?s going to be really sad when the Exchange is just another old building with a name engraved in it.

  95. 0 votes + -
    MedStudent Said:

    ‘FYI, corporate punk, 250K doesnt cut it at Harvard. Perhaps it did for you at BU, but it doesnt fly in the majors. Add 3 more zeros and youre getting a little closer.” To the poster: If you?ve actually attended/are attending Harvard, then you?re an embarrassment to the alumni (and proof that the admissions process, even at reputable institutions, is not without flaw). Everyone else, please disregard this dimwit?s comments, most of us actually make it in on our intelligence.

  96. +7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘Its going to be really sad when the Exchange is just another old building with a name engraved in it. ” You?re sad that you?ll be able to work a market order without having to worry about some specialist with a GED screwing you? Now those rat bastards are gonna screw up ARCA too? Hybrid=”Have your bags ready in December”

  97. +4 votes + -
    ANonymoUS Said:

    OOoooo SNAP! he called ur stoopid ass OUT

  98. +6 votes + -
    Anonanonanonanon Said:

    Daddy?s dollars or your smarts, we all know most Hahvahd kiddies don?t get in with their personalities. Even the ”cool kids” always seem less socially comfortable (or, err, happy) than their equivalents from other Ivies.

  99. -7 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    This is racist crap?Since when did fashion have anything to do with affirmative action or anything else along those lines. What an asshole.

  100. +14 votes + -
    Mike Church Said:

    ‘ ?FYI, corporate punk, 250K doesnt cut it at Harvard. Perhaps it did for you at BU, but it doesnt fly in the majors. Add 3 more zeros and youre getting a little closer.? To the poster: If youve actually attended/are attending Harvard, then youre an embarrassment to the alumni (and proof that the admissions process, even at reputable institutions, is not without flaw). Everyone else, please disregard this dimwits comments, most of us actually make it in on our intelligence.” I?m almost certain that Anonymous was being hyperbolic with his claim of $250k not being enough. The scion of a six-figure donor family will NOT get rejected from Harvard undergrad, and even $50k is probably enough to secure a spot at Harvard undergrad. No amount of money, I should say, will suffice to put an unqualified person into one of their graduate programs, since they take those much more seriously. Underqualified scions of influential donor families are rejected from law and medical programs all the time. Those programs, unlike undergrad, exist for a well-defined purpose, and turning out incompetents will damage their reputation. Ivies don?t hand out unconditional acceptances to the families who send $100 checks every year, but five-figure legacy families are noticed, and the child of a six-figure donor family will only be rejected in extreme circumstances (870 SATs, criminal record, droppin? ?g?s at interview). The reason undergraduate colleges blow their standards is this: a top undergrad is a luxury service, and a major cash cow for the university. Colleges simply will not turn away someone who is going to be a major source of income. For what it?s worth, only about 15-20% of admissions to Harvard are academic admits. The rest are athletic, musical, ”leadership”, and legacy admits. I hate to shake your illusions, but the main clientele of Harvard is still the WASP old board. As for academic admissions, the IMO and Intel winners are just brought in to keep the place from becoming irrelevant, but they?re not Harvard?s real clientele and never were.

  101. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    oh i get it, you?re insecure

  102. 0 votes + -
    Just and Equitable Principals of Trade Said:

    The exchange has served its purpose. It was once great and now it is no longer relevant. Call me a romantic, but there is something sad about a relic. There will be bar mitzvahs in the white room in under a year. It is like watching the colossus of rhodes topple into the harbor. I saw some of the specialist trials. Those neanderthals playing dumb: ”I didnt know that I had to match the market orders when the book unfroze.” Yeah right. Great Lawyers though.

  103. +5 votes + -
    cool guy Said:

    This site is one of the reasons that internet is absolutely amazing. It?s also one of the reasons that I won Time?s Man of the Year. However, I think I?ll have to delete assistant finance club treasurer during junior year at Colgate in order to add that on to my resume.

  104. +3 votes + -
    Hugh Jorgen Said:

    A good one, one of your better ones from the recent past. I like the multi-media format with the pics and cartoon balloons, nice work. I love the un-PC quality to it. It?s refeshing. And I think you hit most minority groups and even a majority group (fatties) so I think everyone can be equally offended and entertained. To the haters, go back and read the rest of this fine writer?s posts. He is all about satire, irony, general hilarity and not taking himself too seriously. Keep up the good work, and we eagerly anticipate the next entry.

  105. -9 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    phew, thank god I?m white otherwise I may get beaten to a pulp by this poster and his waspy finance frat brothers who are riled up after a night of drinking. I wonder what you would do to a black guy dating your sister?lock him in your basement for a week of horrific torture?

  106. -7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Stupid. There will always be people who are far better looking than you are, far smarter than you are, far better dressed than you are, working a far higher paying and more fulfilling job than you do. And me. And basically everyone. Who gives a shit? If I were a prick I?d start drawing comparisons, but what?s the point.

  107. +3 votes + -
    VS Said:

    amazing

  108. +5 votes + -
    Jim Jones Said:

    Ballllin! Peep the steez yo, chillin out hurr with da whole crew, Juelz, Hell-Rell, 40 Cal, Cam?ron and Zekey. Reppin Harlem world to all y?all wall-streeters. PE come holler @ a dude, we got them santana?s town stores poppin off uptown, thinkin of expandin global, the narco sales goin real good, showin steady top-line growth and improvin margins. The mgmt team (mahself included) is real thoro, all packin serious heat. We lookin for 9x 2006 earnings, ya dig? BALLLLLIN

  109. -4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    When will you realize how low on the todem pole you are?

  110. -12 votes + -
    NotStupidEnoughToBeABanker Said:

    Ok, Mr. Sellout. If you?re such a big shot, let?s see a photo of YOU. We?ll have the ACTUAL fashion police over at my company give you the once over and tell you how you compare to the world at large? not the tiny little microcosm of absurdity that you like to call the FiDi.

  111. -5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    You?re a goddamn loser.

  112. +7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I guess they don?t teach satire at community college?. Please people, read between the freaking lines. All of you who think this guy is either racist or a douche bag stop reading right now, pick up a dictionary and look up the meaning of the word ”satire”.

  113. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    www,m-w.com satire One entry found for satire. Main Entry: satire Pronunciation: ?sa-”tI(-&)r Function: noun Etymology: Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin satura, satira, perhaps from (lanx) satura dish of mixed ingredients, from feminine of satur well-fed; akin to Latin satis enough ? more at SAD 1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn 2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly synonym see WIT

  114. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    i dont think it was satire, but it was the goddamn best thing ive read all year?fatties/uglies/styleless cunts, BEGONE

  115. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    i dont think it was satire, but it was the goddamn best thing ive read all year?fatties/uglies/styleless cunts, BEGONE to your genesis. GARDEN CITY

  116. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Some of the dumb comments on here remind me of the reaction to this website: http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/ Keep up the good work?

  117. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    If this guy actually did work at goldman sachs they would have located his IP address and fire him, or any bank for that matter. It is satire? If Sherman McCoy had a blog

  118. +6 votes + -
    cool guy Said:

    Here?s a clue: Stephen Colbert doesn?t really like the Republicans, George Bush and Bill O?Reilly. The same way that Stephen Colbert (the actual guy and not the character) supports the war in Iraq is the same way that the actual writer of this site supports investment bankers.

  119. +1 votes + -
    anon Said:

    bankers make me laugh. they put on expensive suits pretending like theyre the shit, while in reality theyre all dumb little fucks who had daddy pull a few strings and just dont have the intellectual capacity for real finance?trading. there is no rationale for sucking cock 20hrs a day when you could easily make at least twice as much and still have time left over to enjoy your money.

  120. 0 votes + -
    Blah Said:

    Cuffs over sweaters are fine: http://www.princeofwales.gov.uk/newsandgallery/gallery/prince_william_visits_centrepoint_152649144_973923819.html

  121. +1 votes + -
    James Brown RIP Said:

    re good old days at ulysses, you forgot to include the part about throwing up on said HCM girl, shitting in your pants, losing your jacket at said tavern, and then begging a cabbie to go easy on you after pissing yourself in his taxi. this would fall right in line with the persona you?re looking to perpetuate in this blog.

  122. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    It?s unfortunate that some people actually do have the elitist mentality portrayed here. I know that many claim that this author?s work is satirical and is, in fact, scorning the views commonly held by those in the corporate finance, but, in my opinion, the author is writing under the guise of satire when in reality he does hold these beliefs. Keep it real. Oh, and by the way, you?re a dickhead.

  123. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Murray?s hill lost me, but LSO is back baby. Here?s to 2007.

  124. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    i feel sorry for you

  125. -2 votes + -
    anon Said:

    true dude?asian chicks are HEINOUS!!

  126. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    i can see your reflection in the window above the rolled up sleeved picture, you wearing sneakers and jeans, you do not work on wall street!

  127. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    If an investment banker could actually explain what he/she actually does for a living, I?d be impressed.

  128. +2 votes + -
    cool guy Said:

    True Story: I went to an afterhours club that was open after the strip club next door closed (Not NYC so most bars, clubs have to close at 2am) At 3:30 in the morning, I went up to this hot chick and told her that my sleeves were rolled up over my sweater and that I was unstoppable! She turned out to be a stripper who worked next door and she loved that line! I danced with her and almost took her home until she told me to wait one minute and then she took a cab home with her other friends w/o saying g?bye to me. Thanks LSO! I almost got the stripper! This site rocks. I?ll be sure to use what I learn from this site in the future and maybe one day I actually will get laid!

  129. -2 votes + -
    anon Said:

    I was hoping to work in IB when I graduate, but I don?t think I could actually hack having to work with the humourless, knee-jerk, petty and stupid people that have commented on this blog. Do they actually believe what they are saying? Do these people actually work on Wall Street or are they just pretending, to add the guise of credibility? Surely IBers would be better then that? I hope so. You guys are not smart.

  130. -1 votes + -
    The original Banker Said:

    IB is dead, deal flow is SOOOO darn slow. I never worked long hours. If you do, you are just not doing your job. The 90?s are long going!

  131. +1 votes + -
    Robert Said:

    comic genius. nice. what?s with all the people not understanding satire???

  132. +1 votes + -
    holy shirts and pants Said:

    you?re a fucking idiot. funny mind you, but a fucking idiot nonetheless.

  133. +2 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    Hey Mike Church, Why are you talking about Harvard? The author clearly dropped a reference to Princeton with ?cottage.? If you were half of the in-the-know hoping to appear self-loathing elitist, you would have recognized this. Even I know this, and I went to a second tier college. To the author, keep it coming. The work is fantastic satire (I hope). Looking forward to the next post!

  134. 0 votes + -
    Mike Church Said:

    I didn?t bring up Harvard; corporate punk did, and I was responding to him, not the author.

  135. +3 votes + -
    XOCHITL Said:

    ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY GET OFFENDED BY THESE DIFFERENT POSTS ARE APPARENTLY STUPID SINCE THEY FAIL TO COMPREHEND ITS COMICAL PURPOSE. I THINK EACH AND EVERY POST IS UNIQUE ENOUGH TO GET AN IDEA OF WHAT A PERSON IS REALLY LIKE BY THE COMMENT THEY LEAVE REGARDING THE EMOTIONS THEY FELT WHEN READING A PARTICUALR POST. PROPS TO THE PIC WITH THE CUFF MASTER AND L.L.BEAN DUDE?HILARIOUS..AND FOR ALL YOU COLLAR POPPIN DUDES OUT THERE, PLEASE DONT! THAT IS SO LIKE 10 YEARS AGO! OH YA AND THAT COMMENT TO JULIO WITH THE MOP, WELL WHO ELSE CAN YOU RELY ON CLEANING THE MESS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME? OTHERWISE THE SHIT WOULD STILL BE THERE KNOWING HOW YOUR DIRTY BUTT DONT CLEAN.ITS NOT EVEN JULIO?S JOB BECAUSE WE SEE JULIO THE RESEARCHER IS MAKING BANK MONEY?AHHH THE HATERS?.WATCH OUT

  136. -1 votes + -
    Pensive got pwned Said:

    Just letting you know we saw you got pwned.

  137. -1 votes + -
    whatever Said:

    this is written by the same guy that buys his shirts at t. pink and thinks brown suedes are for a walk across the leaves with his laura ashley girlfriend. don?t you get it??? you?re not watching the movie you?re in it jackass!

  138. +1 votes + -
    God Said:

    this entry is in leveragedsellout.com? think about it people, this is meant to be a joke to make fun of the way SOME bankers really think? to the people who got offended, seriously comon? to the people who unwittingly agreed, comon? at the end of the day – this is a job, just like any other job, most bankers don?t think they?re better than anyone else, most bankers don?t think they?re saving the world?it?s just a job we do and? like that dickhead you know in the finance dept, and that douchebag doctor at the hospital where you work, we have our fair share?

  139. -4 votes + -
    anon Said:

    Hey, Yanks. Listen. Pay attention. Stop saying ”like” every other word. (that last one may be difficult). You guys are history. You are the past – ironic coming from a member of your mother race. Wall Street is done. Long Live London. Mkay? Cunts.

  140. +3 votes + -
    HUSTLEnFLOW Said:

    London?..HAHAHA..i hope your joking? no imagination or creativity .. u steal our shows,our Fashion, and our culture..Esentially BORING!!!.I wouldnt be suprised if it were the same in the marketplace..u might as well be communists..and as far as the capital of the world?Its right here?. NYC?

  141. +3 votes + -
    QueerEye4 Da Str8Guy Said:

    ‘Mkay?”from above.. What?do u gotta stick up ya arse? i heard D. Beckham speak the other day?you guys seriously need to get some BASS in your voice..

  142. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I suddenly felt I am a loser when I took my time to finish reading all the above. You must be finding yourself a bigger one when you stare at this entry right now.

  143. -4 votes + -
    anon Said:

    HUSTLEnFLOW, Sorry for the delayed reply – I was just seeing your mama to the door. ”I wouldnt be suprised if it were the same in the marketplace???.” Well anything would surprise you, because you know nothing. You dumb fuck. We don?t steal fashion, shows etc. We simply overtake you – on every level.

  144. -1 votes + -
    anon Said:

    QueerEye4 Da Str8Guy, David Beckham? He?s trash. And yet you guys are paying him $250,000,000. What does that say about you? Actually, we export all our trash over to you. and you lap it up! Ever been to Florida? Seen the orange limeys? You get the picture! By the way – I?m meeting a lovely banker lady from the US tonight. She loves my massive olde english oak. yum yum.

  145. -1 votes + -
    Brian M Said:

    Who in the world has enough time in a day to worry about what someone else is wearing? Of all the petty shit to worry about?it points to a level of self-loathing that I won?t even get into. And the humor level is appropriate for 13 year olds.

  146. -7 votes + -
    anonoumous Said:

    towson university may not be ”ivy league” but we are number 1 in O.T. how many of you wall streeters can claim that? go tigers!

  147. 0 votes + -
    The Dumb HCM girl Said:

    Please can you take a picture of me? maybe I?ll be famous! I go out to get a container of air and a diet coke at about 12:40.

  148. +3 votes + -
    aurthur k Said:

    Why does it matter what you wear? No one ever fucking sees you guys, not even your friends? Not like you?re Sales people meeting clients. You could dress yourselves in velvet and?

  149. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    The hilarious thing is that many of the most successful people on the street got that way by being different & taking risks. Those that don?t realize the value in exploring new ideas simply blend in.

  150. -1 votes + -
    anonon Said:

    gay

  151. -9 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    What a racist cunt you are! Hope your children get cancer.

  152. -1 votes + -
    boredatwork Said:

    Funny at times, overall this post baffles me. Are you trying to satirize the image of the greedy, racist, hyper-superficial finance guy – or is this your actual personality?

  153. 0 votes + -
    srpiltdown Said:

    ‘Im starting to think I-Banking doesnt require a vivid imagination or sense of humor.” You, sir, are correct.

  154. 0 votes + -
    wubears Said:

    wustl for life!

  155. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Thanks for doing this, pretty much 96% of the losers working in fiancial district and any other area of manhattan are complete tools. They are real wastes of space.

  156. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    you live a trite and meaningless life.

  157. -2 votes + -
    Jenny G Said:

    Is everyone in banking as superficial and judgmental as you? This is why I don?t hang out with any of the people I work with. They are so shallow. Making fun of people for what they wear and such and feeling superior to them is cool apparently. I understand that you probably work really hard in your job, but putting other people down to feel better about yourself is just lame.

  158. +2 votes + -
    Deiter Aufloss Said:

    Jenny G: Stop being so bitter about waiting in line at the methodone clinc! More OJ = less bitterness!

  159. +2 votes + -
    FailedMonkeyNowCommercialBanker Said:

    Brilliant. Loved the Subway bit. Fatasses.

  160. +1 votes + -
    anon Said:

    Fucking affirmative action: I almost fell of my chair laughing.

  161. 0 votes + -
    mofo123 Said:

    i?ve read this at least 10 times since it was published, i still crack up everytime?

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