Sunday, May 7, 2006

HOW TO: Get a Banker Chick (for the non-banker guy)

The female banker is an odd yet intriguing creature. She works 80-100 hour weeks, perpetually talks likes she’s job interviewing, and is obsessed with fashion magazines and teeny-bopper television shows. But, despite her eye-gouge-inducing personality and conformist tastes, she has many attractive qualities. She is rich, usually quite attractive or at least has an eating disorder, and has very few available hours with which to cling and bitch and nag. Quite ideal, no?

So what can you do to pierce the incestuous bubble of Wall Street, you ask? What can you do to get one of these chicks to give you a ride in a black car instead of you having to convince Mr. Singh to let you share a cab with 8 of your friends? Check it.

Where to Find Them

Banker chicks are almost always hanging out in one of a few, crowded, Best-of-Sheckys type spots. People in finance are either not concerned with hipness or are just really delusional, no one knows. Regardless, follow the long lines and shitty music, and you’ll find yourself flanked by Fulton Street foxes.

Go To:

  1. Shitty bars in Murray Hill/Turtle Bay (Joshua Tree (innovatively petnamed “J-Tree”), Sutton Place, Bar 12 , etc.).
    1. Thought process: “Oooh, 80’s music…”

  1. Clubs/lounges that were hip several years ago (PM, Marquee, APT, etc.).
    1. Thought process: “How elite!”
  1. “Accessible” Village/LES spots (Le Souk, B-Bar, Fiddlesticks, etc.).
    1. Thought process: “Let’s go slummin’”
  1. Frattastic bars in the UES (Brother Jimmy’s, Tin Lizzies, The Big Easy, Dorian’s, etc.).
    1. Thought process: “It’s right next door.”
  1. Equinox.
    1. Thought process: “Must fuck MD.”

How to Act

Girls in banking are like wilted flowers. They were once vibrant, intelligent, and full of energy. They once dominated their peers in school and were part of the most elite social circles. Now, they are drones devoid of self-confidence and social nothings. This, while tragic, is a very favorable turn of events for you. Flex your own security while making them feel good about their sorry existences, and the Thomas Pink panties will be all yours.

Tips:

  1. DO NOT: Talk about Finance. These girls don’t know/care about their jobs or that you read Freakonomics and thought it was neat.
  2. DO NOT: Try to pretend like you’re in finance. Said chicks are surrounded by the witless monkeys all day long. Anything in the universe is more interesting than being in finance (except the service industry, NEVER say you’re in the service industry).
  3. DO: Make sure to say you’re successful at what you say you do. “Struggling,” or “Just getting started,” or “Having a great internship at a design studio” is not going to cut it up in this shit.
  4. DO NOT: EVER mention Brooklyn. Despite how much social currency your loft off the Bedford L might afford you elsewhere, this is strongly discouraged. Mr. Shpigelman’s living there did not make it any more acceptable; even an entire brownstone in Brooklyn Heights doesn’t mean diddly to these ladies.

And if none of these things works, just try putting up an ad for their dream job on Craigslist:

Associate Brand Strategist for Major Fashion Company


Reply to:

Date: 2006-04-04, 11:25PM EDT

Looking for a hard-working, slim, energetic female to come on board in the brand strategy group for a large fashion conglomerate (think Ralph Lauren, LV, etc.). In need of a real go-getter to get up to speed quickly. Must have both strong quantitative/analytical and creative skills. Experience in investment banking, strategy consulting required.

Call at .

Job location is MANHATTAN

no — Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
no — Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
no — Commercial bankers is NOT OK
no — PATH Riders is NOT OK
no — Swaying back and forth instead of grinding on the dance floor is NOT OK (flexible on this one)
no — Going to dinner with me and then just trying to cuddle all night is NOT OK
no — Reposting this message elsewhere is NOT OK.

That should get the attention of the girls you’re looking for.

Similar


132 comments for this post.

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  1. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    What about a private equity chick? They are very rare subset of the banker chick.

  2. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    As part of that rare subset of ”private equity” chicks – I can say all of the above applies, especially the struggle between dieting and the really expensive dinners. And another tip, if you?re trying to get your game on, always guess above where you think she actually works?if you think she?s a second tier banker chick, ask her if she works at a bulge bracket?if you think she?s a first tier banker chick, ask her if she works in private equity?hey, we?ve got to get our kicks from somewhere.

  3. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Private Equity Chick = Even lumpier bum, even more desperate, even more yayo?

  4. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Just 2 lines of yayo?

  5. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    i dont know what the hell you jokers are talking about. regardless of what you might think of private equity, there?s nothing more miserable or detrimental to a girl?s looks/personality/life/soul than banking

  6. -6 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Banker chicks are not attractive. Whatever hipster wrote this article is most likely not attractive. Banker chicks and the author of this article are the same; not as intelligent as they think, wildly insecure and grasping at social mores in attempt to give themelves a personality that they don?t actually have.

  7. -10 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I agree with the comment immediately above this one.

  8. +36 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Someone finally did it, some dumb ass always assumes in a post the author is telling a real story, and not satire and belittling the banking profession. Then criticizes him for believing what he is actually mocking. To the author keep up the good work, it is actually more enjoyable seeing the responses from these morons.

  9. +6 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    To the poster right above me?I was waiting on that token angry person to make a fiery comment as well hahaha

  10. +15 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Banker chicks are so hot ? the part I love the most is when they scream out financial terms in bed. Who doesn?t go crazy hearing a girl scream out EBITDA/Fixed charge coverage ratio/PIK interest? Out in public, nothing makes my libido go crazy like a conversation about bone vs. ecru cards at Dorsia.

  11. -4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Here is an interesting thought; we all know about banker and pe chicks from the above postings; but what about faux-banker chicks (not those at a boutique or third tier firm) but those in say research? How do you score one of those? Any thoughts?

  12. +24 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    umm?to the guy who asked about research chicks?why would you want to ”score one of those” are you a consultant?

  13. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Another great place to meet banker chicks is on a pretentious, NYC hipster/scenester blog, trying to find out about whats going on in life outside of Bloomberg.

  14. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    So you want a banker girl? How can this blog be complete without a thorough discussion on Udon Noodle Soup? Banker hoes L-O-V-E Udon noodle soup because it?s just like them: An emaciated, white, bland peace of Tofu, surrounded by other Udon sisters waiting to be gulped down by someone with a severely suppressed palate?Sounds like a job for our eating disorder laden Banker Chick!

  15. +18 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I am a consultant and real bankers are out of my league. Any suggestions on the aforementioned ”research chick?”

  16. +7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    banker chics are insecure and have no concept of what a relationship is? they always put work ahead of their friends, then when they feel alone they bitch and wine that something is wrong but they don?t know what? the listener tries to tell them what they are doing wrong, mainly a) selling their souls, b) being fake and c) refusing to listen, but the banker chic naturally ignores what you say and continues down the rabbit hole. god bless them.

  17. -4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    tell her you?re a banker ? she?ll finally feel validated about her existence?

  18. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I?m two for three on the successful artist bit. I think for every four Banker Chicks there is one that used to be a ”singer-songwriter” (whatever that means), a photographer, made her own earings when she was 17, etc. They know they?ve sold out pretty hard, and have come to terms with that. But when presented with an opportunity to prove to themselves that they still have their artistic side and can converse with creative, non-finance people, they jump at it. The ”photographer for Men?s Journal”, ”Drummer in a band thats touring with Interpol”, or ”owner of a small mandolin manufacturer on Long Island)” bits are all worth a shot. Sure, 3 out of 4 will probably be thoroughly uninterested, but that one girl- you know, the one who like Garden State- she?s in.

  19. +29 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    As a ”banker chick” at a bulge bracket ibank, I proclaim with absolute certainty that 99% of PEOPLE in ibanking (men included) are insecure, bitchy, border-line psychotic, always acting like they are menstruating, and completely lacking in evidence of humanity. I was an English major in college, came to Wall Street, and realized that I made the biggest mistake of my life. To the laypeople out there: stay away from us if you know what?s good for you. Save yourselves.

  20. -4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    werd. this post rocks.

  21. +12 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Forgot to mention that iBanker chicks come with lovely dark circles as well. Of course, SHE?s in control of YOUR sex life because you ain?t getting any during her work days. Only reason she would be shouting financial terms during sex is because she?s actually modeling on her Dell laptop, multitasking?Her focus is somewhere else DUMBASS! For an iBanker guy, you would want the complete opposite, a girl who provides beer after work, cooks, cleans and drops you off work in the morning. Of course, she?s mad hot, got nice tattoos and horny 24/7. And you?re in control of your sex life since you can BS your way out of some nights by blaming the bank hours. NOW YOU?RE REALLY BANKING!!! You can find these chicks at the same places mentioned in the article, but head straight to the bar and tip HIGH!!!

  22. +6 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Many amazingly sad statements made here that do a good job of perpetuating the already doomed progression of the female banker. A wonder how banking makes females ”devoid of self-confidence and social nothings” while it does just the opposite for male bankers (masters in their own mind). -Irate, Wilted ”Banker Chick”

  23. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    let me unwilt you sweetheart. e-mail me? my name is dan ? e-mail in prior posting (on bottle service)

  24. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    this is funny and all, but I have worked in banking for 4 years of my life and the next attractive ”banker chick” I see will be the first!!

  25. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    where do consultant chicks fall on the social hierarchy?

  26. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Any girl willing to go into banking in the first place is either dumb or psycho. And no girl would get the job if she was that dumb. I dated two banker chicks and would never do it again. They seem hot but, then again, you?re a guy reading leveragedsellout.com, your standards have been severely lowered over the span of your pitiful career so far. You see nothing but guys 95% of the time, no wonder anything with breasts automatically looks hot and has a great personality. Well, as a great man once said, a good personality consists of a chick with a little hardbody who will satisfy all sexual demands without being too slutty about things and who will essentially keep her dumb f*#&@ mouth shut. Banker girls do not (keep their mouths shut). The only thing saving you from their all the emotion/aggression/general psycho-ness that has been pent-up over the course of their unsatisfied, overachieving lives is their lack of free time to bitch about it. Get your restraining orders ready. Senior bankers have been there, so learn from their mistakes and follow their example: find yourself a teacher-chick, non-profit chick or artsy-chick.

  27. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Did you read The Shitshow post?? Question answered.

  28. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    the only thing these comments say is that none of you people are really in banking, but are ghoulishly fascinated by it and the rumors surrounding the job and lifestyle. i?m a banker chick. I have a boyfriend, friends, looks personality, and a life. and oh yeah, a fat paycheck too. can?t wait for you to tear my 4 lines into shreds, so you can feel better about yourselves?

  29. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    that was really a declasse comment above. says a lot about you as a person.

  30. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    How about a new update? :]

  31. -4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    The chicks that want to enter into corpfin from my school have no souls or personalities. This girl gave me her number, and when I tried calling her, she never picked up. Just kind of avoided me. Most of the biz majors here, guys and girls included, only think in terms of quantified results. Grow a personality. Seriously. Saddens me. :[

  32. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    This blog is a great parody of banking, but too many people who read it think that all banking is exactly like this. A lot of intelligent and ambitious people work in the profession, especially in top-tier banks, and it would be foolish to discredit them all as ”having no personality.” Deriding some of the excesses of banking is fun, but keep the larger picture in mind and for god?s sake stop thinking that every single person going into banking is an incorrigible asshole.

  33. +6 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    This site is so wrong!!! After 3 months banking, no banker chick has a butt like the one shown in the picture. Trust me, I know from experience there is cellulite EVERYWHERE.

  34. +24 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Clearly the last blogger hasn?t seen my ass then, which after 2 years banking can still double as a fairly good nut-cracker. Tip for young players: Banker chicks are smart. You have to be smarter. Whether that means intellectually smarter, that you can juggle 10 balls in one hand, or that you can discuss in depth the political climate of every country on the African continent, you need to provide the banker chick with something she doesn?t already have. Which is not much. Good luck

  35. -8 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    To: the above poster You?re absolutely correct (that your ass is probably ugly), but your ugly ass will be sitting in an Ivy MBA program in a year or two.

  36. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    There?s chicks in private equity? No way?

  37. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    yea and they are uglier, fatter, and have worse personalities than banker chicks? and you don?t even want to go near the trader/hedge fund chicks?those girls are just dudes without?.

  38. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    hey Nutcracker ? let?s talk ? Darfur, global warming, efficient market hypothesis, taylor hicks, you name it.

  39. +9 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I think there needs to be a subsection on Asian banker chicks. They are in a category all by themselves?

  40. -7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘you need to provide the banker chick with something she doesn?t already have. Which is not much.” That last comment was quite uncalled for and frankly, it hurt. I aqm sorry if you had some bad experiences but really now, you can?t have seen everyone?s so don?t cast such aspersions. ”I think there needs to be a subsection on Asian banker chicks. They are in a category all by themselves?” Yes, it?s called ”Canidae”.

  41. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    dogs?

  42. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    you?re close?

  43. -5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Girls in the northeast are not attractive?and that accent makes me want to throw up in my mouth. Guys in the north tend to be better looking than guys in the South (with a capital S) but they also tend to ruin it with their dirty metro, shiny shirt, gel-head look. Stick to Brooks Brothers (for work and play) if you?re looking to pick up that cute Texas ex-pat.

  44. -14 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    i read this post with some amusement as i?m working as a brand director of a reasonably known haute couture brand who receives at least a couple of impromptu applications per week from female i-bankers who i do not know, sent directly to my mailbox. This is on top of the applications I get from advertising and consultancy people, or the metric tonnes of paper HR gets from female i-bankers, which i don?t have to deal (ie shove directly to the trash can) with. Something I?ve noticed is that they all write they have a great fashion sense + read Vogue religiously. I?ve been thinking that whenever I have a really shitty day at work, I?m going to call in one of them for interview just to say: ”knowing your way to the RL store or a magazine subscription does not qualify as experience in fashion industry. Now go back to retail, middle class bitch”. btw: how do these cows get hold of my email?

  45. +22 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Funny thing is brand director that the first year analyst that you want to interview makes more than you do. Now tell me who the ”middle class?” really is. Go play hacky sack at your Hamilton reunion.

  46. 0 votes + -
    Danny Said:

    who is this Shpigelman guy? The guy that was recently caught by the SEC doing insider trading?

  47. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Anonymous said? this is funny and all, but I have worked in banking for 4 years of my life and the next attractive ”banker chick” I see will be the first!! Guess you work at Deutsche Bank?

  48. -4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    All of the above comments are quite accurate, or completely off mark. I do believe that b/c 95% of people in banking are men, it is very possible that the reason why guys sweat these chicks is b/c thats all they see are guys and of course the first female will look ”amazing”, and most guys who do prey on banker chicks are guys who dont make as much money as then, or their ”first tier” male rivals. A real player in the bankning industry will not be running around from bar to bar stalking banker chicks b/c there is no fascination to them for him. Thats all the attraction is. ITs the fact that deep down your really dont think you can have that chick, so only makes you want her more. Otherwise this entire post was hilarious. P.S. Nut-Cracker?.holler at me?

  49. +10 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I dated 3 banker chicks and will never do it again?well maybe hookup and loose their number. I have to say?where they come from and their bg is a big factor. One of the girls was from WI and was awesome. The other two?northeast?and you know the rest of the story. A polite yet in your face attitude and complete lack of maternal nature. Being a banker, i validate those undesirables as a nec evil but one you want to ”F” the shit out of on a sat night. Thats as far as it should go. Not many of these velocaraptors are brought to home to mama. They look hot as the expensive clothes look hot. Take away the clothes and most look like a 120lbs track team member with no chest and expensive haircuts! Go for the marketing chicks. They have more interesting conversations and they give new meaning to the terms interest spreads!

  50. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Trader chick here?.female without a ?? I beg to differ

  51. +5 votes + -
    The Dude Said:

    Banker chicks are hot because they fuc* back. think about that for a second? Their maltreatment by their super-a$$hole bosses makes them want to regain control of their formerly pampered, Ivy League lives. I am be the first in line

  52. -13 votes + -
    Banker Chica Said:

    Asian banker chick here. Done banking for 2 years and have seen all colors of the rainbow. Bottome line – attractive banker chicks are hot commodity. We?re good-looking, smart, feisty (i.e. good in bed), interesting, have integrity (won?t prostitue for $/gifts), and confident as hell. Too bad, 90% of the 10% femaale population at investment banks are not attractive and therefore do not fall into the bucket above. oh well. you dudes just have to fall back on those sales/marketing, non-profit chicks.

  53. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Please tell me in Europe things are different?.

  54. +3 votes + -
    Banker Chic-ho Said:

    If your ”fiesty”-ness is in any way represented by your spelling, you have proven everyone else?s point that banker chicks suck. honestly, if you need to post that about yourself you have to realize you suck.

  55. -5 votes + -
    Anoymous Said:

    I?m a banker chick at a bulk-bracket bank and am hella attractive!

  56. +12 votes + -
    anon Said:

    what?s ”bulk” bracket ? is that the cashier?s counter at Walmart or Costco?

  57. -1 votes + -
    Outsider ... Said:

    This shit made me laugh out loud and that doesn?t happen. For future postings, plz leave a pseudonym instead of anonymous, so ppl can constructively direct their retors? Velocoraptors?lawl

  58. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    It?s spelled ”velociraptor.” Thank you.

  59. +38 votes + -
    Funny Said:

    I?ll never return to this site but I have to say it?s truly fascinating .. just a really amazing display of each person?s fears and insecurities ? total Psych 101 stuff! I am an old lady by this blog?s standards ? late 30s ? but I want to give some hope to all the criticized (and envied) 20-something banker/trader chicks out there .. I?ve been a trader at a bulge bracket firm (not in NY) for nearly 15 years, married to the same (very hot) man for 10 years with 2 beautiful sons and guess what?? I?m happy, nearly normal and make a LOTTA dough, esp for someone who came out of a non-Ivy League school w/ a Liberal Arts degree. Why would or should I be ashamed of that?? It?s hard being in a man?s world ? which, let?s be honest, banking and trading still is ? but it doesn?t mean you have to act/look like a man or be a slut to get ahead. Though I?ve seen enough to know that for some women, this short-term strategy is enough because they?re not in it for the long term. I get it. But that is not the only path. If you want to be a Partner or an MD or run a business, you will be making enormous personal sacrifices, MALE or FEMALE. If you?re looking for balance (and not the ”I only worked 60 hours this week” kind of balance), then that kind of career success is simply not possible. I accept a measly high-six-figure income (and no mgmt responsibilities) for the ability to have a relationship w/ both my husband and my children. And I am THRILLED with this. Sadly, too many women are driven off the path that will lead to enormous financial security because of the cruelty and stereotypes displayed here. I hope that each of the iBank / trading ladies somehow drawn to this blog stop and consider what it is they want in 10 years. A family? A Partnership? A few cats? It?s yours to decide, but please don?t listen to these insecure men who criticize you, but then would switch places with you in a nanosecond if they could. There ARE decent men out there, and not all of them start out looking like the fantastic men and husbands they will become, esp if you?re measuring your paycheck vs his. Sorry to bring some seriousness to this obviously satirical blog, but I see too many defensive young women out there who might start to believe this vitriol if it keeps going on. Guys, cut them some slack. Maybe they?re just trying to do a good job. PS my husband makes a lot more than me, but his first job when I met him paid $35k. No BS

  60. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ha ha?thats too funny?but we do not scream financial terms in bed!!!! your first para is so true!! sad but true my friend?i love fashion magazines and teeny bopper shows!!! what to do?someone?s gotta love the OC?hey i play the guitar too though?can rock you with my rendition of sweet child o mine:) Banker chick and lovin it!!

  61. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Does the author have any advice for the ladies on where to pick up dyke bankers? Surely there must be some?.

  62. -5 votes + -
    NYBlondes.com Said:

    Banker chicks are usually Ivy Leaguers, which is definitely hot.

  63. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Hey – what?s wrong with Commerical Bankers?

  64. -26 votes + -
    Deuchbag Said:

    Hey Funny?yeah the over the hill trader from a bulge bracket bank (not in NY)?.(you mean you traded equities for the old Dean Shitter out in Podunk?)?.shut the f*ck up?why must people write their bios on here?.its meant for fun..no one gives a shit about your salary, or you dorky husband?who is probably currently beating off in the basement to cyber porn?.the only piece of information worthwhile at all in the f*cking novel you wrote is that you do not intend to return to this site?thank f8ckin __?.oh yeah, you did offer the women of this site one other piece of good info?..dont write so f*ckin much and stop f8ckin talkin! Just shut up, and put out?.as Elvis said?A little less conversation a little more action.

  65. -32 votes + -
    Frank Said:

    ‘Funny Said”, yes you are too old for this site. Leave your self-affirmation stories for your therapist in New Jersey.

  66. -4 votes + -
    CHM Said:

    Guys who like making it with girl bankers are guys who are secretly trying to make up for the humiliation they suffered at the hands of the powerful jocks in high school. Fast forward today ? those powerful jocks are now just as harebrained and full of themselves but now they call themselves M&A specialists. Still hate them, cannot be them. So you prey on the chick parallel; nothing like slammin the poor bitches from behind and and then kicking them out to go spend the rest of the day chasing after a coke addicted fashionista ? a real woman ? to make you feel like the tables have turned. Way to go big guy.

  67. +12 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Firstly, I?d like to comment on the decency of this blog, the intelligence and presence of Wall Street is palpable. I?ve got a few tactics on landing banker chicks not because they?re special but because I generally will go for any chick. 1) Scope out the scene(Popular Spots include Joshua Tree, Tonic, or Pizza 33 at the wee hours of the morning). Very easy to spot as they usually don business attire. 2) Good Conversation Starter: Why are you wearing work clothes at this time of night? 3) Tactic: Understand that banker chicks usually dig guys outside banking, so play the ”trader” card. Always be first to ask them where they work and shortly thereafter they?ll usually ask you where you work in which you should resort to the ”one-up” strategy in a very calm fashion. For instance, if they say they work at JP Morgan, you say you work at Goldman Sachs. Only one time did I speak to a banker chick from Goldman and I quickly stated that I work at SAC Capital, it worked. 4) Strategy: Joke around and tell them that they earn about $6 a hour. It gets them angry and makes them laugh at the same time. Tell them how in trading you earn as much and have free time. 5) Closing: Although you may not be a trader or a banker, you need to be the one closing the deal. No asking for a number, be to the point and precise and you should get laid 7 out of 10 times, depending on your looks and ability to pathologically lie. Happy Hunting

  68. -1 votes + -
    Icar33 Said:

    ‘?usually quite attractive?” In which world are you living? Have a look on pictures in Bloomberg Markets, Fortune, BusinessWeek and in your office around you!!!! Nothing exciting!!

  69. -2 votes + -
    holy shirts and pants Said:

    fuck, i really did not want to find this remotely funny. a mr singh in motherfucking banking bitches, i certianly did not want to laugh but the letter was on fucking point, dickheads?

  70. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    holy shirts and pants, who are you? which rock did you crawl out from under? and how did it take you so long to find this site ? you are obviously trading equities in dallas.

  71. -1 votes + -
    Mr Brown Banker Said:

    feels like an out of body experience. i?m perhaps the arch nemesis of all your white asses out there, being a harvard-grad PAKISTANI (omigosh) who?s now banker to Osama bin Laden and taleban, who was also at JP Morgan for 9 years in NY. I just want to tell all you banker-chica hating pricks that nothing smells or feels better at night than a tired banker chick who just wants to be held tight(no conversation) and her hair smelt. And i?m pathan so obviously very well-endowded sexually, and i can tell you that if your banker chick knows how good you are in bed, she really doesnt care how tired she is, she wants sex.. I miss being in NY and with banker babes..

  72. +4 votes + -
    chm Said:

    mr brown banker, how did it feeel being a 25 year old 5 foot 6 125 pound pakistani wrapping your arms around an a type 160 lb 39 year old, bitter, permanent vice president of data analysis who probably had traded in her feminine potential for the chance to be able to travel alone to canyon ranch, on her own nickle, as opposed to have to be married to a sound technician from spint in kansas. Did you pet her hair and tell her she smelled like raw oysters as you licked her clammy skin because you liked to or becasue it was cheaper than paying the trannie in the combat zone when you were at HARVARD !!!

  73. -3 votes + -
    hgnis Said:

    heh?yet to find anything over a 5 on the banking side. At least fat birds put out.

  74. +7 votes + -
    whothefuckreallycares Said:

    HAHAHAHA! I think the article is pretty fucking hilarious. Everyones comments have been disgustingly well thought out, defensive, or (possibly even more disgusting) designed to make the reader believe that the writer lives a life that all should envy. Screwing hot banker wenches, making insane amounts of cash, and pimp smacking the bitches on the way out for good measure. Others put up their true stories, which no one really cares about, since its not funny, no one about people they dont know. I will never understand the strange fascination with bank bitches, and even derivative dicks (lame yes, but it keeps the alliterations going). There are tons of other men and women who are hot and make bank, anyhoo, overall entertainment value = priceless Just for the record, Im a girl, former consultant, now work at an ad agency. I went to a top 10 business school for undergrad. Even though I think a lot of top ten schools are like Popov in a Grey Goose bottle, I know that many people hear advertising and think stupid taint, so I just wanted to through it out there. My relation to the financial industry = everyone in my family women included are either physicians or in finanace (ah ha, so now you know Im Asian, but what kind of Asian?).

  75. +8 votes + -
    lady consultant Said:

    ‘The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza.” -David Lee Roth

  76. -2 votes + -
    Aces UP Said:

    PIMPS UP!!!, HOES DOWN!!!!

  77. -5 votes + -
    PE Rockstar Said:

    whothefuckreallycares?you are a FOB from asia because you can?t spell. top 10 business school u-grad = University of Illinois Consultant = worked at some sh*tty consulting firm that tried to pass for the real deal (think deloitte, accenture, or worse) ad agency = four dudes in a basement that make ads that don?t sell. congratulations. no one values your opinion.

  78. -6 votes + -
    Caster Said:

    :) This was fun. Seriously. I can?t believe that I blew so much time reading all this, but seriously – great I work for Morgan Stanley in the Investment Banking Division. Now, I have been working for these guys for half a year already, and I can tell you that it is a lie that bankers work for 60-70 per week. It is just sooo unfair – whoever said that was never in IB. I can tell you that its more like 90-110 hours per week (obviously including weekends). It is rather difficult. But you do get used to it and you feel that your brain starts to work much faster than it used to. At least that is my experience. hope this helps

  79. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Anonymity sure makes people mean.

  80. -1 votes + -
    Awesomeness Said:

    Its great to see so many bitter frustrated people writing to each other. My advice to everyone is enjoy the reading for entertainment purposes only. Quit bitching the fuck out of each other. And lastly, down a couple of flaming lamborghinis and party hard.. cos hell, you guys definitely need a night out. As for me I could be an iBanker or an artsy shartsy type but it doesnt matter anyway cos I?m plain living life on a high.

  81. -4 votes + -
    Brownie Said:

    Dude Sales divisions have cute ass bithces?.boned a few?though none were from my bank..lol?.

  82. +1 votes + -
    Lloyd ''no'' Bank Said:

    Would it be possible for one of you brave bankerettes to post a shot of your luscious lumpy selves on this site? I am unfamiliar with the Murry Hill madness and am morbidly (but genuinely) curious about the scene and yous.

  83. -2 votes + -
    Blackstone Capital Partners I Said:

    Banker chicks have bad breath and fat asses.

  84. -1 votes + -
    Bitchtern Said:

    Have I made a mistake by going into finance? Did ”American Pyscho” lead me astray?

  85. +4 votes + -
    IBBlows Said:

    oh yes, now that I?ve stopped laughing? to Nutcracker: respect to you for keeping your behind in shape, and juggling 10 balls? damn, that?s some kinky shit you?ve been doing during those pitches and conference calls. Respect on that too! to Nut and the other banking ladies: chill! I mean it?s fine if you?re venting your pent up frustrations here, but seriously? don?t take it so personally. you know most of the dudes reading these posts from their cubicles right now would totally do you (in their cubes as well) regardless of bitchiness, dark circles and possibly a little ”secretary spread.” Cheer up you fine, smart and ambitious vixens and wear more skirts to work if you still got the goods! disclaimer: The above applies only to ”banker” chicks. As all true ib monkeys knows, ”research” is not banking and thank god for SOX and the chinese wall keeping them confined and hidden. to the dude asking about how to score research chicks: beastiality is not cool in all states, but try a box of doggie treats

  86. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Banker chics can vary. I have known some great banker gals and the same time a few sluts, who are married, have kids and family but still try to mess with their clients, who are just college students in need of financial support (aka loans, credit card and other ”arrangements”)

  87. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    the best are the ones from second rate schools (think university of ____ or some other similar bastion of mediocrity) who are desperately seeking approval ? easiest lay ever. the funniest.

  88. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    whothefuckreallycares, ”?I know that many people hear advertising and think stupid taint, so I just wanted to through it out there. ” You had it all together until the retarded typo. thank you for confirming my belief about your profession.

  89. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Listen, everything that has been said about IB has both truths and non-truths. I?ve been in IB for sometime now and if your really want to know why Ib girls are attractive hot is because they have not been been truly molded into IB life. Ex. first year law students from a top tier school does not in fact look the same upon grad. then when entering. Look, turn over is huge in IB for most male and female. You essentialy have no personality in IB becasue you have an identity crisis. The truth of IB is that you sit stearing at an excel spread sheet for the first year entering data and then pretending to be a part of a big deal. That?s not hard work, its just long and boring. Work in privet wealth management prospecting for twelve hours staight and I?ll show you ugly. The truth you cater to those who are real players who will never take seriuosly. And as far as the money in concerned. If you put in 80-100 hours a week in any real profession you?ll come out ahead. If you want smart intelligent girls who are hot and have the personlity to boot, wait for the IB girl to finally drop out of the buisness, chances are it will happen.

  90. +5 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    the private equity, ibanking and any finance related jobs are all SERVICE jobs. we all work in the service industry. i?m employee of the month

  91. 0 votes + -
    Emily Said:

    So how does a pretty Southern gal hook up with a banker dude?

  92. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    if you don?t care which bank: 1. go to joshua tree 2. go to sutton place if you want blackstone, GS, MS, or any other real bank: 1. join the junior league 2. join the colony club

  93. -1 votes + -
    Amanda H Said:

    which part of the South are you from? I may be able to give you some pointers.

  94. -2 votes + -
    Emily Said:

    I am from the Deep South, a small town in Texas called Beaumont.

  95. -1 votes + -
    Emily Said:

    By the way, what sort of girls do bankers dig? Is it brains, beauty, or do they rely on good ol? chemistry?

  96. +1 votes + -
    BSD Said:

    Bankers like girls who love bankers.

  97. +7 votes + -
    wet charlotte Said:

    a friend sent me this site and i got wet the minute i red your power talk. someone please give it to me

  98. -1 votes + -
    Girl Said:

    So, what kind of girls do bankers really like?

  99. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    nice size ass

  100. -1 votes + -
    Now in Houston Said:

    Emily, Isn?t Beaumont relatively close to Houston?

  101. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Its in Texas How far can it be dumm ass ?now in Huston?

  102. -3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Its in Texas how far can it be you Dumm Ass ?> ?Now in Houston?

  103. +1 votes + -
    AnonymousTX Said:

    ‘it?s in TX how far can it be dumm ass” ?> wtf Anonymous? when?s the last time you looked at a map? you could drive through every state in the northwest in the time it would take to get through Texas. Incidentally, however, Beaumont is near Houston.

  104. -2 votes + -
    Anonymous Txn Said:

    first of all, thank god someone delivered a smackdown to anonymous? ignorance of geography. wow. second, emily from the ”deep south”? puhleeze. I?m a Texan, and let?s all be damn clear about the fact that we ”ain?t deep south”. we don?t have the accent or culture of an actual deep south state like Mississippi or Alabama. I know they get all the attention, what with their long blond locks and mimosas, and maybe you hope a yank won?t notice your lack of a true southern accent. are you a blond though (who are we kidding, of course you are), cuz you might be able to swing it. p.s. lawyer chicks are way sexier than banker chicks. we go for the POWER whereas bankers go for the money. plus, we can do their jobs and they can?t do ours. says something.

  105. 0 votes + -
    Lumbergh Said:

    Any advice for 1st tier banker dudes wanting to snag a banker chick? I?m an analyst on the transportation finance desk at Suntrust. Though I work in Nashville, I?m traveling to NY on business and would like to meet a female banker. I think my prestige alone would be a great asset.

  106. 0 votes + -
    honky Said:

    stupid honkies

  107. -6 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    To Lumbergh: Nashville is awesome, why do you want to fuck the ugly workaholic NYC IB bitches instead of those gorgeous southern ladies? The girls at Vandy should be smart enough for you if you value intelligence in addition to looks? I had a choice between IB and PE firms in NYC, SF, Chicago, Philadelphia, Boston, Atlanta, and Nashville?and I chose Nashville because you can?t beat the cost of living and the ridiculous amount of hotties there (plus I?ll still make NYC bankers salary and only work 60 hours/week, haha suckers!!!!)

  108. +5 votes + -
    Deutsch Banker Said:

    hahaha, this is the most ridiculous post I?ve seen on this otherwise prestigious site. NASHVILLE??? What kind of IB??? is there in Nashville? But I guess thats the place to be for a retail banker who values fat and stupid southern ladies???.

  109. +5 votes + -
    For dogg pound gangsta Said:

    Yeah yeah its all about alaska baby – the hoes here wear about 8 layers each – mittens balaclavas the works..soooo hot. and my bonus this year is gonna be like 10 tons of whale blubber. Wall st is dead its all about Alaska dumb faggots.

  110. +1 votes + -
    NY IBanker Said:

    SunTrust transportation finance

  111. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Keep on looking for some sort of validation to your petty little lives.

  112. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Wow, reminds me of noe or two exes? And since neither of them even lived in the US, that means banker chicks are pretty much the same across different continents. Cool. (or not)

  113. -1 votes + -
    HFTrader Said:

    hahaha, this is pathetic. Fuck all you IB fools! Everyone knows that hedge fund traders get all the hot ass?.

  114. -7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Wow. Your lives seem shallow and terrible. I?m once again glad I chose to be a doctor. I?ve only starting working for 2 years, 50hr/w, make more than 700,000, actually contribute to society, and am happy. You guys should have been smarter.

  115. +3 votes + -
    Name (Anonymous ok) Said:

    Tap her on the shoulder with your pants down?works all the time every time

  116. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Banker chick = quite attractive? Ahahahahaha! I guess for witless banker guys who can only get laid when they and everyone around them are wasted out of their mind, yeah, they are attractive. But to real men, a cute girl at a bank is someone who they would not even look at twice outside the bank. Hilarious

  117. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    If all banker guys want are girls who love bankers, you gotta go for the BO/MO broads who are clearly just in it to win it?and by win it, I mean, get some ass from a banker.

  118. 0 votes + -
    Private Equity Health Care Said:

    Yo Doctor! Wait till us P/E guys get our hands on your health care cash flow?.Soon, your Doctor Base will be p0wned!

  119. +37 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    As a member of the Banker Chick club, let me offer another suggestion Where To Find Them: Starbucks. Either in the morning (thought process: Must. Caffeinate. For 16+ hour day.) or lunch (thought process: skim milk chai latte, it?s meal replacement in a venti cup, motivated by colleagues with major ?junk in the trunk?, no way in hell I?m going to pudge out like that). Particularly midtown, the lines are huge which gives ample time for making a move. Once, I had a 10 minute date with a guy right there at the sugar-station, we really had a connection.

  120. +7 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Some guys go for models, I go for banker babes ? they are sooooo amazing, smart, slender, drink like champs?Just my type. I usually meet em on 3rd ave. in Murray Hill, so perfect. I especially love the second tier banker chicks?they really love guys like me, from my slicked back hair to my chain, to my winning accent. They even love the fact that I?m from Jersey. Deep down I feel like second tier banker chicks are really Jersey girls in NYC bodies.

  121. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Craig?s List parody = Phenomenal

  122. -2 votes + -
    fairest Said:

    bro they?re just jersey girls with jersey bodies. nothing wrong with that. what do you think they?re doing in murray hill?

  123. -1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Craiglist Ad = A+. Right on spot!

  124. -2 votes + -
    Brian Said:

    Oh, so cute ”Banker Chick club member,” taking yourself so seriously. Though I know you are legit; you were able to work in the amount of hours you work in the first 2 sentences. Kudos!

  125. -1 votes + -
    copyranter Said:

    Thomas Pink makes panties? Oh shit, I just ruined my chances, didn?t I?

  126. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    This list works for Corporate Lawyer Chicks too.

  127. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I love jersey bodies ? but they don?t have jersey hair?.no one can beat jersey hair? and jersey cows?best milk ever.

  128. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Let me offer another tip: if you are trying to guess said ”banker chicks” profession- never under any circumstances say she looks like she works in Finance- or even worse in Accounting. This happened to me the other night and I nearly threw my drink on the poor sap.

  129. +15 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    More insight? Why not. Girls in banking have pear-shaped figures: lumpy bum and curvy top. Their curvy tops are a sad reminder of their past while their huge bottoms, a result of too many firm expensed dinners in their cubicles. [Make sure to compliment on their great figure] Naturally, many girl bankers will resort to a strict Manhattan diet: Diet Cranberry goose, 2 lines of yayo and salads and salads and salads. And don?t forget dressing on the side. Though girl bankers make bank, not one of them have ever turned down a diet goose or a line. [You want to play, remember to pay] Remember, her long lonely hours in the cube will make her a easier prey than the average slut in the bar.

  130. +8 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Upsettingly accurate – I am one.

  131. +1 votes + -
    bankelele Said:

    nice tips: You?re right about not talking finance with them and having enough moolah of your own

  132. 0 votes + -
    BS Said:

    Getting a banker chick is easy, undoubtedly on the one night a week she has off, she’ll be out getting bat-faced with her friends, this is when you strike as she’s away from her chair of death in the office and at her most vulnerable, she know’s it’s the only night a week she has the chance to meet a man who isn’t a self-obsessed knob who has nothing about him other than his job at Goldmans. Make eye contact, have a casual chat, don’t sound too impressed by what she does for a living, talk about hobbies, friends, blah blah blah… when she inevitably tells you she’s lost her friends and her phone is out of battery (obviously her iphone is but it’s a given that her blackberry will be fully charged incase she has to respond to emails at 3am in a club toilet) offer to take her home for a “cup of tea and a cuddle”, then you can work on getting those Thomas Pinks off. If you should be successful then boom, emotional attachment incoming and banker girlfriend ensues. Worked for me.

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