Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Ex-Investment Banker and pending Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel says America lacks “attention to detail.”

Obama’s Chief of Staff Rahm Emannuel, an ex-Managing Director at the investment banking firm Wasserstein Perella, issued first his public statement, expressing frustration with America’s lack of “attention to detail.”

“Sloppy…” said Emmanuel, shaking his head in disgust as he inspected a stack of Congratulations cards sent to his office by a class of local schoolchildren. “This is what’s wrong with America,” insisted Rahmbo, as he’s been nicknamed for his tenacity. He pointed to a flag drawn crudely with crayon, containing only 12 stripes. “Right here,” he explained, before methodically ripping the card in half.

Emmanuel has also reportedly taken a red marker to many government documents, underlining, crossing out, and writing “are you fucking kidding me?!” all over various propositions, memos, and existing statutes. He is already looking to create a national font, somewhere between Bill of Rights and Helvetica, and an associated palette and template to be used for all “books,” as he has begun referring to legal codes.

“It starts with the details” is his ethos, obviously ingrained into him from his stint in finance. And he has a plan to correct these issues—several times a day, he can be heard in his office screaming: “Could somebody get me a fucking Analyst in here?”

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