Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wall Street trader seriously regrets naming his dog Bonus.
Central Park, NY—Given the projections for compensation in the finance industry this year, David Goldstein, a 29 year old Wall Street trader, is starting to realize that naming his pet dog “Bonus,” might not have been prudent. “Bonus was a 225 lb. great dane, and when I got him two years ago, calling him Bonus just seemed so appropriate,” explained Mr. Goldstein, seated on a bench in Central Park. “He was fucking huge.”
“I’d walk him around here on his Hermes collar and leash, and girls would bite their lips and then just take off all their clothes when I told them what his name was,” he recounted nostalgically. But now Bonus sulked at his feet in a PetSmart collar, skeletal, still refusing to eat anything besides Del Frisco’s steaks.
“Look at this skinny little bitch,” said Mr. Goldstein, kicking Bonus in the side and forcing out a pathetic whimper. Women still walked by, but their clothes remained on. And they didn’t respond to Bonus with awe; rather, they offered concern and said: “Aww, he’s so tiny!â€
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October 28th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
awww, what a cute and tiny post!
October 28th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
under my plan, Bonus will receive a tax refund, and he’ll be able to afford himself a few Del Frisco dinners a month.
October 28th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Ending was weak, like Gopal in bed.
October 28th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
haha funny…Bonus needs to get wit the Dog Whisperer asap!
October 28th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
My Golden Retriever tried racing into oncoming traffic after realizing that his meals had been subtly downgraded to Ruth’s Chris grilled fillets.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Not your best effort, not by a long shot. Why the satire re: kicking dogs? Not cool.
October 29th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Anyone who Mike Vicks their dane needs their ass kicked.
October 29th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
thats what she said
October 29th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Haha nice post.
November 4th, 2008 at 11:31 am
why does he not change the dogs name to bogus
November 12th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
how about “bailout” for a new name ?
November 19th, 2008 at 2:10 am
this post fucking sucks