Wednesday, March 12, 2008
(no subject)
Eliot –
Sorry about the delay here–given the current climate, they’ve got me out “managing a portfolio company,” and I’ve been a bit tied up. Sitting in a conference room in the middle of Toronto with a dry erase market pressed firmly to my eyeball, I feel eerily like a strategy consultant. Devastating.
Anyway, sucks about this whole thing. I also toyed with Emperor’s Club V.I.P. briefly, but my 7 diamond girl refused to even accept payment. She actually said she was “indebted” to me for the experience. Your girl Kristie ever say any creepy sht like that to you?
Big picture–I wouldn’t stress it all too much. You’ve got no enemies, and obviously no fellow Tiger is going to stress about it. So, unless you’re going to be out there prosecuting yourself, I’m sure this will just be another minor, overlooked infraction. A lil smudge on your resume, like underage alcohol posession or public urination. Next to your perfect LSAT, it’ll be nbd.
And I know you and Wall Street have had your differences in the past, but we really appreciate you keeping a tight lip on this one. So if people start asking questions, please don’t mention me, Lloyd, or Clients #10-#15,000.
For future reference, you may also consider the highly exclusive West Garden Spa on W.30th St. It’s conveniently located right next door to a police station.
Best,
Client #8
P’05
Update: Just heard you resigned. You ever thought about PE? With the right cover letter, I think you could be a strong fit.
March 12th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
7 Diamond? You haven’t lived until they’ve flown in a 9 Diamond for you from South America. Speaks perfect english, Oxford educated, and writes acceptance to your “behaviour” fax that you send before your meeting by hand on Neenah Paper and sprays parfume on it.
March 12th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
niiicee… almost too late , but not too much!
March 12th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Not your best stuff, but still a big fan.
March 12th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Love the “have you ever though about PE” comment.
Prediction: Spitzer gets a job as a “strategic advisor” to some fund/shop/company. Just like all former pols.
March 12th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Good job letting the secret of the Garden out. As if I didnt have to sit in the waiting room between the shower and massage long enough as it is, now its gonna be packed with your broke dick readers…you truely are a sell-out
March 13th, 2008 at 6:58 am
“dry erase market” - Priceton Rules!
March 13th, 2008 at 8:42 am
who still goes to WGS? the new in spa is GS baby!
March 13th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
When the hell did the guest bloggers at Wonkette start posting on this site?
You jumped the shark!
March 13th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Eliot made our life miserable, now it’s his time. No bottle service for the eliot
March 13th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
talk about a missed opportunity here. instead of searing into spitzer like any wall street drone would have, you write this schlock? talk about jumping the shark. here’s hoping your book makes up for the banality of the most recent postings…
March 14th, 2008 at 2:29 am
LSO, you’re losing your touch. Markets got you scared?
March 14th, 2008 at 9:40 am
I feel eerily like a strategy consultant..
March 14th, 2008 at 11:18 am
The prostitute could have written better than this. In fact, her mySpace friends write better than this.
March 14th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Wow, 9(!) Comments?! What happened to the Chicago rebuttals, the LA women are so much hotter, no Chi town corn fed chicks rule arguments?
You guys all get transferred to Equities in Dallas? I know it’s bad out there but this bad?!
March 15th, 2008 at 12:44 am
why would you publicize west garden spa. that place is a gift from god (or buddah) and needs to be kept on the DL.
March 16th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
We’re either all too busy managing portfolio companies and updating our resumes, or we’ve been laid off and have been getting up at 3PM every day to drink Patron straight from the bottle, check CNBC, whack off to Erin Burnett and go back to bed.
March 16th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Where’d you pull “NBD” from?
I’m pretty sure that’s under exclusive patent amongst my gold hedge crew for those moments when we go five straight days without a dip.
Care to reveal your sources?
March 17th, 2008 at 7:41 am
I want a Bear Sterns post!!!
March 17th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
A measley 14 comments the first full week??? Your posts back in the day would have had hundreds by now. You got some work to do to re-ingratiate yourself with your fan base. Months without a story and then one like this are the culprits. Get back on the ball. I am pulling for you.
March 17th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
“Chicago is thoroughly gentrified. Violent black thugs live on the south side, away from the civilized areas. From south loop all the way north to rogers park, Chicago is entirely white and safe. It’s the model of what a modern city should be. In sharp contrast, black criminals, puerto ricans, and other undesirables roam the streets of Manhattan, waiting for an opportunity to kill, rape, or steal. New Yorkers in general lack common sense of decency, which is why the city is so dirty. Every time I visit, I would see people urinating on the streets. NYC is a disgusting urban cesspool, reminiscent of a third world city.”
March 17th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
They must have kicked the shit out of you back at your high school in Detroit.
March 17th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
LSO is the last thing on our minds.
March 17th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Speaking of getting screwed -Where are the BSC posters?
March 17th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
West Garden Spa
March 17th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
tool, Bear Stearns is spelled “Stearns”
Not the undergraduate business school you go to.
March 17th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Yes clearly a Bear post is needed.
Also on a more serious questions, what would be the best group for a summer analyst this year?
1) Industry Coverage
2) Equity Capital Markets
3) Leveraged Finance ???
March 18th, 2008 at 1:42 am
haha, In response to “tool”, (awesome nickname!), yes, thanks for the lesson!
History lesson.
Who cares about correctly spelling such a liability anyways?!?!?
come on LSO, show us what you’ve got for B. SteArns.
March 18th, 2008 at 3:06 am
LSO, do you think you could get a reservation at Dorsia?
March 18th, 2008 at 4:00 am
I want to transfer into an American Hedgefund.
Which city is best to work as a Hedge Fund Analyst?
I’m considering Miami, LA, Chicago, Greenwich.
Which city has the best lifestyle?
Weather, shopping, recreation, sports, girls, clubs
March 18th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
GIMME SOME BEAR MEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 18th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Ah, just finished a long day using robotic instruments to repair a patient’s heart. The operation was a complete success, and the rush was incomparable. Oh, but I digress, this is the lair of the “Masters of the Universe”. Let’s see if I have the terminology correct. Whose pension plan did you chaps “blow up” today? Did your tie match your shirt during the failed transaction? The satisfaction must be immense to receive a payoff regardless of the outcome. It must be nice to be at the top of the food chain.
March 18th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Any Bear folk out there looking to pick up a couple bucks?
March 18th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Advice: Put some older LSO style posts up or you’ll lose your fan base before the book release.
PS> bbs have spellcheck. marker>market.
March 18th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Leveraged Finance??? No…do not work in that group. Work in a group that will have a boom in business over these troubling economic times. That will give you some room to actually get deals, and have the mobility to move up the banking ladder. We missed the train for LevFin/PE. Do industry coverage in Alt Energy. Then when times get good again, you can get a lil’ sexier, and have something valuable to bring to the table (industry knowledge AND banking talent).
March 19th, 2008 at 4:41 am
Definitely lev fin. It’s going to be the next big thing I heard…
March 19th, 2008 at 11:52 am
You should work in an Alt Energy group at some chop shop in California…the bubble probably hasn’t burst yet. The deals should be hot, which will be rewarding when you go back to b-school to get a job in consulting.
March 19th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Europe baller:
I work at a big one here in Chicago. Best city on the list for everything but weather, and girls maybe. there are hot ones, but they are not from chicago as women from here get fat. Best shopping though, unbelievable clubs, and best money making atmostphere. Summer here is unbelievable, as are the sports. Recreation wise you won’t find a better place. You also won’t have to share a hamptons house with 14 other guys, you’ll be able to get a nice one on Lake Geneva with like 3 guys. You won’t have to deal with the 60 year old tools from Miami, the sprawl of LA, or the commute to Greenwich. I don’t know what Chicago4ballers is always talking about though; I agree this is by far the best city to work and live in, and I grew up here, but quit riding dick okay.
March 19th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
I can remember a time when this site’s comments were filled with interesting and witty banter. Now, it has taken on an increasingly juvenile and undergraduate ‘I Banking Oasis’ feel.
I am saddened by the performance, and look forward to the time when the BSD’s return to the playing field.
f*cking losers.