Friday, August 25, 2006

Oh My Gaod!

For background, please see here, here, and here.

Dear Lucy,

I just wanted to write to let tell you that I’ve fallen for you. And I was hoping (fingers crossed!), if by some chance you’re not busy (I know it’s a long shot with someone like you), I might be able to take you out for a drink. I’ll fly over there immediately if this is possible. We could have a snakebite or a pimms cup or something!

You don’t know me, but I’m a 24 year old Banker in the United States, and I fell in love with you the first time I was forwarded an email about your party at The Ritz. I know you’re a big time hotshot famous person now in the newspapers and all, but I just had to write. I was, frankly, overwhelmed by your prose. I feel like we are connected spiritually. We are like the same person!

Let me elaborate:

  • 1. I had a party very similar to yours a few years back, except it was at a little place called “The Village Idiot.” Definitely the same vibe though. I was, like you, generous enough to indulge my friends. And they also had a script, when they were asked “What the fuck do you want, dude?” they were to reply, “I am here for the $5 pitchers!”
  • 2. I don’t have a PA, but I do have an unemployed “artist” roommate that takes my calls. Coincidentally, his name is also Ms. Gill.
  • 3. Your friend list is extremely ethnically diverse. My group of friends is also very diverse.

    Your list has “Kajai, Mandeep, Preet, Sanami, Dmitry, Nikolay, Ovi, Yuki, Olga, Marcelo, Ulyana, JingJing, Uli, Yogi, and Garzi.”

    Similarly, mine had “Hugh, Dan, Michelle, Kristen, Brandon, Francie, Josh, Kim, Shane, Ted, Ryan, and Sandy.” Both our groups are so eclectic, I’m just positive they’d get along. Did you guys, by any chance, play quarters over there at the Ritz?

One point we might butt heads on is that I am actually kind of a jeans, flip flops, and polo kinda guy. My flip flips do have a little flag of Brazil on them though. Does that help?

To be honest, I’m actually usually not that into Oriental girls, but there’s something about you that’s very Zhang Ziyi—your smile, your plate-like face, your surgically created eyelids. You might be the hottest Chinese chick alive. Forgive me for being crass, I just can’t stop thinking about what I would do to you on that daybed, and the possibilities for that toddler’s chair (perspective? I hope not.) in the background are endless.

Anyway, I’m sure you’ve heard enough about the topic by now, but I made a pact with myself a few weeks ago after letting Samaire Armstrong walk right by me at the W bar that when it came to these celebrity crushes, I would always at least try.

Cheers (I know you like that shit),

Logan


82 comments for this post.

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  1. -8 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    You idiots who cannot take jokes should not be on this site. Trashing white people is sad as all you asians come to the west, live off white trash, cause trouble, steal technology, lie, decieve and wish to be white day in and day out. your asian chicks would do anything to blow a white man as your winnies don?t please them. You clueless, arrogant racist asains go back to your own country where if you made a comment you?d be beaten to death, yet here in our own country we have to take insult from little shits like you??

  2. +8 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘ Anonymous said? You idiots who cannot take jokes should not be on this site. Trashing white people is sad as all you asians come to the west, live off white trash, cause trouble, steal technology, lie, decieve and wish to be white day in and day out. your asian chicks would do anything to blow a white man as your winnies don?t please them. You clueless, arrogant racist asains go back to your own country where if you made a comment you?d be beaten to death, yet here in our own country we have to take insult from little shits like you??” Thank you sir for enlightening us all; your profound comment has single-handedly saved us all from our own stupidity.

  3. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    I bet everyone who?s calling him a racist read the whole thing and probably the rest of his ”stories”. Yes ladies and gentlemen they are stories, the emails and characters are not real. It was funny although a bit distasteful in some respects, but let?s face it I?m sure at one point or another we?ve all said or heard something derogatory about a woman or a man that involved a stereotype or two. The girl brought it on herself?I mean seriously to do what she did and not expect it to get around and not expect people to make fun of her. Let?s all just calm down take 5 deep breaths and realize that these are just stories. This guys name is probably not Logan and he?s probably never worked in banking but he writes some funny stories?if you don?t like this story then keep reading and you?ll probably find one you will like.

  4. -17 votes + -
    Merv Lowe (NZ) Said:

    To all you clueless-wonders who?ve rushed to the defence of this abject speciman of a human being, who calls himself ?Logan? ? you all have a void in your life that?s as deep and wide as the Grand Canyon itself. And there?s a common denominator that defines you lot ? your literacy quotient is ratshit.

  5. +10 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘You idiots who cannot take jokes should not be on this site. Trashing white people is sad as all you asians come to the west, live off white trash, cause trouble, steal technology, lie, decieve and wish to be white day in and day out. your asian chicks would do anything to blow a white man as your winnies don?t please them. You clueless, arrogant racist asains go back to your own country where if you made a comment you?d be beaten to death, yet here in our own country we have to take insult from little shits like you??” Whoa? that?s a lot of anger. Sexually frustrated much?

  6. -10 votes + -
    Mark Said:

    ‘This guys name is probably not Logan and he?s probably never worked in banking but he writes some funny stories?” You?re so right: our ?Logan? is, in real life named Durk, who lives in a dank basement in a decrepit tenement building with his mother. He has meals out of a can, which is heated on a single kerosene burner. He?s a pathetic wannabe, living his life vicariously through blogging. Highlight of the day is having a few coins in his pocket, which affords him the chance to visit an internet cafe where he can post his bile. Way to go, Logan.

  7. +4 votes + -
    Nitin Flaherty Said:

    Plenty of Indian men named Logan, come on!!! Frank Pathak, Prescott Sibal?totally normal. Kudos on this post, not due to its content, but to the absolutely amazing amount of comments it has generated. I laughed when I scrolled down and saw ”57??and sure enough, there were plenty of great ones.

  8. +6 votes + -
    Indian Guy Said:

    I?m starting a ”Help Logan Get Laid by Lucy Foundation”

  9. +11 votes + -
    Master Shake Said:

    Can someone please explain to me why Lucy Gao thinks she?s a big deal? She?s in equity research for godsakes. Welcome to a career next to the janitor in the back office!

  10. +3 votes + -
    Dbag Said:

    Props to master shake; I was thinking the same thing- she isn?t even a banker, she?s in research. Also, I totally agree that the chick in the video is Miss Gill. I mean how many Indians can there be named Sanampreet Gill?

  11. -3 votes + -
    Anna Said:

    Why is everyone so hung up about race here? Don?t they know the blog is being written by a damn curry-monkey? It?s cute when the mongrel races mock each other. = )

  12. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous2 Said:

    Logan, Shame on you for having the moxy to devise this parody of Lucy?s email. I mean, how dare you write this quite amusing piece showing how truly naive a young intern can be. Because it is completely professionaly to use company e-mails for personal events. But, no one likes to point that out.

  13. +12 votes + -
    Amsterdam Said:

    Osh kosh b?gosh?that ”apology” letter says it all. Only trying to buy herself back by pretending it was a joke?evidently it wasn?t!! I know a few ppl like that, that go over the top in organizing any simple occasion. To be honest, quite impressed 35ppl actually went to her evening!! It was probably 35ppl who had never been to the Ritz and wanted to see what all the fancy schmantzy was about. (Cake will be served with Ritz cutleries?SINCE WHEN IS THE RITZ IN THE SILVERWARE BUSINESS!!!) This is clearly not a joke, coming from someone who?s clearly pretentious. In any case, bunch of you have been calling this so called Logan a racist?FUCK YOU?For the love of god, have a coke, a smile and shut the fuck up. Enjoy the effot being put in trying to entertain your lame asses. Asians are the new jews?As a jew, i can tell you this is bullshit. Asians are simply less asian?not more of anything else!

  14. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Ladies and gentlemen, Just take a look at the number of ads on this page..just fucking look.. Gopal Mehta

  15. +2 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    What is the deal with all your readers suddenly???? There is nothing unusually racist about any of this. Maybe those who complain will also get South Park kicked off TV. Only when it?s about your race is it unacceptable. Lighten the f up!!!!

  16. +9 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘Can someone please explain to me why Lucy Gao thinks shes a big deal? Shes in equity research for godsakes. Welcome to a career next to the janitor in the back office!” I would kill to do equity research in NYC. I?m stuck doing it here in Dallas, and Lucy Gao is a goddess. So shut your mouth, Master Shake. You just shut it now.

  17. +4 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    Saying he?s racist is like calling the sky blue. The only difference is that this time, it hits close to home for some of you. Who?s the real racist, the guy who equally teases everyone or the people who only cry foul when he insults them and not everyone else? Yes, it was racist, and anyone denying it is wrong. It?s ALWAYS racist or offensive to some group or another. If you?re going to get all worked up this time and not any other, what does that say about you?

  18. 0 votes + -
    iddiappam Said:

    logan, you are not only an asshole, but you write well. i wonder – are you the kind that eats iddiappam and pittu? its just a wild guess but i think you are. and if so, do email me. admirer

  19. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    ‘Logan, at least she has the brain of a marketing genius. Unfortuntely there is no surgically created intelligent for white men.” Or sufficient training in the English language at the start of Wall Street training programs, as evidenced by a number of these responses.

  20. +3 votes + -
    anon Said:

    me like rice

  21. +3 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    This post and the torrent of predictable responses from dimwits as far away as New Zealand has made my night. Keep up the good work.

  22. +2 votes + -
    Dron Said:

    Word is, CitiGroup felt bad and decided to cover their own ass after everyone one from Canada Square to Paternoster Square read the invitation by noon that day. So they basically told her she would be given an offer later in the year. Fucking bollocks!

  23. +10 votes + -
    anonymous Said:

    Logan ? I was wondering if you were still available? I, too, am an aspiring young minority woman seeking to penetrate the world of white men (17% of the world?s population!), and you and your friend Shane or maybe Lucas might be able to help me. I might not have the Ritz in London, but I certainly have Hudson Hotel or maybe the Sundown Motel? Honestly though, I know I?m more second-marriage material. Your first marriage should be to a WASP, I know you?re still trying to make your family happy by marrying white at this point. For your second marriage though, you?ve thrown in the towel and decided to go ”exotic” and pick up a young asian princess like myself. Then we?ll have the cute half-breed kids who are going to rule the world! We all know Tiger already does. Love ya lots! Me like rice! xoxoxox Lucia

  24. +1 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    new entry?

  25. -1 votes + -
    Hueputalo Morskoe Said:

    Wow, this bitch is so fine!!!

  26. 0 votes + -
    Badass-ociate Said:

    who uses the term ”oriental?” that?s so racist. what the hell was your motivation?

  27. +2 votes + -
    that damn chicken Said:

    ps who is crapping on research? Without research your world would fall down. email me to find out more?

  28. 0 votes + -
    STR8 FLSH Said:

    GOT ?EM.. That is INDEED a GS#. Tell us more ”that damn chicken”?

  29. +1 votes + -
    Anon Said:

    God let?s face it; the fact he can make the jokes about it shows a tolerance, not racial prejudice! Some people need to lighten up! Only recently found your blog but it?s awesome!!

  30. -2 votes + -
    can'twaittobeasummerassociate Said:

    She?s actually attractive. I?d date her. The pedigree doesn?t hurt either.

  31. -2 votes + -
    canuck dude Said:

    apparently, this guy think he is the hotshot on the street. Dude, you are just a nail in the capitalism mothership.

  32. 0 votes + -
    Anonymous Said:

    humour does not have to be political correct. that?s why it?s called humor and not political speech.

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